As I sit here in my new desk at work, I begin to think about anything that will distract me from the fact that I have been placed in a random spot in this big office, far away from the friends I have made at work. Although technically, this is a good move, it means that my boss trusts that I can do my job without minimal supervision, which is a nice feeling considering I have only been here about two months.
Its oddly quiet... like the kind of weird quiet that happens commonly in an elevator... I have been using my iPod to dull this weird quiet, but sadly it has done little to distract me from these random thoughts that pop into my head.
As I was just about to pull out my iPhone and start playing bejeweled, someone walked by saying " I dunno the devil made me do it" and my first thought was:
"Ya know, the devil had nothing to do with your poor decisions, take some responsibility!" The devil gets a bad wrap sometimes. Thats when it hit me. We don't know that what we were told was necessarily true about Satan... you know how people tend to twist facts to meet their own agenda's who's to say the church didnt do the same thing? Dont even get me started on religion and how jacked and twisted it is, and how its purpose of peace and love and worship is currupted and soiled by the actions of man....
But I had this idea, maybe Satan wasn't so bad. Hear me out: Okay so we were told that Satan was once one of God's highest ranking and most beautiful angels... We were told Satan got jealous of gods power and place so he collected an army to rise up against god, so he could take the throne for himself. This fable confuses me, but like the rest of the "greatest STORY ever told" does, but I digress... If what we were told is true, that God is the creator, he created the sun and the moon and the universe and man and everything... Why would anyone try to step to such a powerful being? He would have to be a freaking retard to think he could overthrow something that has ultimate and absolute power... its like the guy in the Scion tC trying to race the Guy in the BMW... sure your tC is cute and all but its not gonna have a prayer against that M5. Nice try though.
Nevermind that this fairy tale that god created everything has some MAJOR holes and a serious lack of logic, believability and proof... Lets assume we are delusional enough to believe this... OKAY..so Either Satan has a serious case of Down's, or its not true. Here's my theory...
I dont think that Satan wanted to be God, I think maybe he just wanted to be part of the panel. Like God is Tyra Banks, and Satan wanted to step out from behind the Production Assistant's clipboard, and be Miss J sitting proudly beside Tyra/God, to assist in the daily functions of Tyra-ness.
Unfortunately for Satan, God is NOT Tyra... God is OPRAH... and Oprah ain't having it. Oprah don't have no sidekicks, panels, or assistant judges...God/Omnipitant Oprah, got all bitchy and said "oh HELL no, you are NOT trying to step to me, either I control you like I do that tool Dr. Phil, or you get cast out to the fiery depths of Hell, where you will be forced to torture souls for all eternity...and do infomercials."
Satan, being a business man (otherwise how would he have gotten so far up the foodchain to be the God's prettiest and highest ranking angel) probably tried to reason GodOprah, showing her facts and figures, ratings, promos and sales and marketing demonstrations, showing how GodOprah could be less of a "my way or the highway" style control freak, and learn to relax, and before you know it, relaxation increases, stress decreases, and everyone's happy. This probably pissed GodOprah off and in a supreme temper tantrum, GodOprah stomped her clunky Lane Bryant dress shoe on the ground, tore the earth open and threw Satan into the depths.
As we all know, we are a product of our environment...so being stuck in hell all the ti me probably twisted up Satan's appearance. Its not his fault he is (allegedy) scary looking and red and has hooves and horns... Lets be perfectly honest, some of you out there would grow horns and turn red if you didnt have your coffee, glass of wine, or daily dose of porn. Hell I know I would lose my damn mind if I lost my cell phone. OMG when the battery dies, its like I can't breathe. And since misery loves company, no wonder Satan is making everyone else in hell miserable...he doesnt want to be the only one...could you blame him?
So there you have it, maybe there is another side to this story? Don't be so quick to judge!
1 comment:
Haha, the whole Oprah-Tyra comparison is rich. Props.
The original story, or at least according to John Milton's "Paradise Lost"(considered the spiritual prelude to the Bible) contends that Satan did, in fact, want to rise up against God, being just as powerful and capable of a being. Satan's purpose was to form an army by craftily turning the fallen angels against God, and converting them into his own. Furthermore, the text suggests that Satan is not all evil and wickedness, as at one point he even begins to cry at the sight of the fallen angels so willing to serve him and aid him in his plan to overtake God and reign himself.
That's about all I remember from my english class senior year, haha.
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