Well, its that time of year again where we look back at our lives and see where we need or want change. Normally I avoid resolutions like the plague, because I hate being disappointed, especially in myself. This year has been different. 2007 was a record BAD year for me. It started with heart break, turmoil, and drama. Followed by shitty jobs, moving into a FABULOUS living situation that I am still living in with my beloved roommate, but soon following signing the lease, I got laid off. No good...the first 6 months of 2008 were rocky and kinda scary and really hard...
But then, I got this job that I have now, and everything began to fall into place.
I was paying my bills, I was traveling, I found roller derby earlier in the year, and thank god for that because I have made some amazing friends who I cherish, like Shelly, Jessy, Lizz, Heidi, Honey, Machii, Amanda, Kate, Craig, Zara, Beezy, Eva...oh the list goes on and on...
But it was just what I needed in my life to show me that a boring life isn't something Im stuck in, its something I did to myself because I didnt venture out. Im venturing on a daily basis now! There is so much out there to do and you just have to look for it!
So time went on, I was progressing, I was healing, I was finding the happiness within. I finally got over my last relationship, and began to see my ex as the person that he is. I was so stuck on the raw and open person that he WAS when I fell for him...now he is bitter, jaded, and has this chip on his shoulder that he blames on me, his other ex, the gay community, the universe, karma...you name it he blames it. But he refuses to turn his blame inwards, and he will never be able to let any of that go until he realizes that he isnt perfect and he needs to take personal responsibility. But, I could talk to him about that until Im blue in the face, it will make no difference, and its really not my concern anymore. He made his choices, and I had to feel the pain, and now he is feeling pain, and I am making the choice to let him feel it, and NOT be involved. It's for the best...my best.
So Once I let all that go, there was a HUGE weight lifted off my heart. I found happiness...within. So I have been riding high on that ever since.
Then I met Mike. Who I think is probably one of the coolest people I have ever met. He is smart, funny, a little wicked, and so much fun to talk to and hang out with. I hope to spend more time with him. :-)
Let me tell you about September. Holy freaking crap balls, September was a month to end all months!! Okay so it started innocently enough, work, pay bills, etc etc... Then some friends and I decided to have a weekend get away. Kendall, JR, Katie and I went to Kendall's parents house in Palm Springs for a weekend. We had such a relaxing and fun time. We went out to eat, we lounged around, we spent probably 80% of the time we were there, in the pool. It was heaven. So we came home sunday, I went to work Monday...then Tuesday, was my BFF Tim's birthday, and he wanted to go to Disneyland. So Tim and I went to Disneyland, and met up with two of my favorite people in the whole world, Scott and Mike. (side note, Scott and I have known each other for almost 24 years now, and Mike is Scott's Boyfriend of like...5 or 6 years) So we had SO MUCH FUN!!! I loved it.
The VERY NEXT DAY...I went to work...and on the way home, as Im driving up Arneill Rd, I GET BROAD-SIDED BY SOME JACK ASS IN A CONVERTIBLE. Yeah, He was waiting at a green light to turn left and I was going forward...and when the light turned yellow, I continued through the intersection, because I had the right of way, and he hit the gas, and drove his fucking ugly GOLD Chrysler Sebring Convertible into my beautiful little Hyundai Elantra. :-( and totaled her. He hit me just hard enough to rip the axel out of the transmission...thus ending Rikku's 5 year life. So sad.
BUT, I got the insurance pay out, and bought myself a SEXY PIECE OF ASS ON WHEELS...a black 2 door Honda Accord....soooo sexy, especially when I had the windows tinted and all blacked out...she is gorgeous...
Since then, I got a 2 dollar raise, had an excellent Christmas in the way of gifts, I got the iPod touch I wanted, and plenty of fun gift cards, I rediscovered my love of reading this year, and have been reading "Wicked" most recently..and LOVE IT. I actually think I rather like the Wicked Witch of the West, and hate the wizard.
I have like 4 more books on order, and am anxiously waiting for them to be delivered. yay Barnes & Noble .com
All in all, I have been having a fantastic 2nd half of 08!!! So I have decided that 09 is the year I go back to school and follow thru and finish!! This may require that I move, we have to see about financial aid and student loans first...THEN we will know.
Last New Years Eve, my friends Jessica, Raylene, Tim and I decided...this was going to be the year of progress and change...and damned if we didn't do it!
So this New Years, I'm making the resolution to not avoid resolutions.
My Resolutions:
~ To greatly reduce, if not quit smoking all together.
~ To start saving at least $40 a week..by any means necessary.
~ Not to be afraid to get what I want, whether its a tattoo, a shirt, or a house.
~ To stop explaining myself and my decisions...I am my own person, with my own mind, and my own money...and what I do with my life, body, wallet, and spare time, is for me to decide, and I dont owe anyone an explanation.
~ I'm going to travel more, and worry less.
Now Im not sure I will be able to accomplish all of these resolutions, but the fact that Im going to try and Im going to give it 100%...is change enough.
2009 is gonna be another year where I kick fucking ass in my life.
2009's gonna rock.
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A ROCKIN NEW YEARS EVE AND THAT NEXT YEAR IS FUCKIN RAD!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOUR FACES!!!
December 31, 2008
December 30, 2008
Oh Happy Day!
So all that time I spent pushing you all to click those ads...paid off.
So those of you who thought "yeah whatever...." to you I say...
"Boom"
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS EXTRA MONEY IS HELPING ME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! YAY FOR SUCCESS!!!!
So those of you who thought "yeah whatever...." to you I say...
"Boom"
THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS EXTRA MONEY IS HELPING ME RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!! YAY FOR SUCCESS!!!!
December 29, 2008
Change Happens...regardless of will or desire.
Hello Hello Hello readers.
Much has happened. First and foremost I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season full of love, laughter, and all the good stuff. For those of you who had a holiday full of stress, alcohol, and family drama....welcome to real life. ha.
My holiday was pleasant enough. I did get an awesome gift that I love. My mommy got me an iPod Touch. Its basically an iPhone, with no camera or phone....but it has email, music, video, speaker sound, internet, gps, maps, weather, stocks...all the fun stuff... Im so happy with it. yay.
I also go some wonderful gift cards, pj's, books, and music. OH and Kendall got me tea tree oil hair products. awesome.
I have noticed however, that as I get older, I tend to be more easily amused by trivial material things...and I think it is because I spent most of my 20's convincing myself that all I needed what what it took to survive. Now that I have and a few extras here and there...I want more. It makes me happy. I refuse to become so shallow as to say I want it all...Im not my ex after all...I have no desire to be the number one stunner, or to walk around carrying my ipod, my cell phone, my designer wallet, my over priced ugly sunglasses and my "socal" or other such tacky poser gear...with that look of utter digust while I walk into the bar where I think Im SO much better th an everyone. That is not me.
HOWEVER, I like having some nice material things. Like my iPod. I think the difference between having material things, and being materialistic...if your level of appreciation for the material thing. I have so much use for, and appreciation for my cell phone, my iPod, my car, my computer, my books, my wallet, my (broken and superglued) sunglasses...that I think no matter how much I may accumulate, I will never be materialistic because I will appreciate all that I have, and who gave it to me. My beautiful, funny, talented, and fabulous friend Jessy..a.k.a. Titty Kitty, gave me a beautiful O'Neill wallet for christmas that I love and couldnt have asked for anything better because my shitty old louis vuitton knock off that a former friend gave to me years ago..was cracked and falling apart. This is what I mean, had I not gotten it, I wouldnt either gotten a new one for myself or kept the shitty knockoff that was falling apart. But this gift was not only thoughtful, it was PERFECT... and I appreciate it.
So this morning I had an eye opening moment...I think that I have become bitter toweards people I dont know, for pointless reasons.
Example... Im on the freeway, and I as Im driving to work, I pass a Toyota Camry with a license plate that says "IM SUSYN" and the only thing I can say is "Bitch no one ones gives a fuck who you are."
uhh, wow, the bitterness. Why would that bother me? I was over it by the time I passed her, but still. Weird. OH and there was a car with a sticker that said "I Love my Life" and I wanted to run him off the road. That might be petty jealousy but still. LOL
I like my life too...I am happy, Im talking to a smart, funny, interesting, and VERY sexy guy, I have a decent paying job...well...yeah its ok... so sexy guy, decent job, getting into school next year, amazing friends, amazing family, sexy car, nice apartment, comfy bed, cool clothes, great sense of humor...my belongings are intact, my health is improving... life IS good. But for whatever reason, this guy advertising and proclaiming it on his bumper...was smug and irritating to me. Weird.
OK so I need to go to my lunch break now... so PEACE OUT BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!
the second half of 2008 ROCKED MY FUCKIN SOCKS AND 2009 WILL ONLY GET BETTER!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs & Squishes
Andru
Much has happened. First and foremost I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season full of love, laughter, and all the good stuff. For those of you who had a holiday full of stress, alcohol, and family drama....welcome to real life. ha.
My holiday was pleasant enough. I did get an awesome gift that I love. My mommy got me an iPod Touch. Its basically an iPhone, with no camera or phone....but it has email, music, video, speaker sound, internet, gps, maps, weather, stocks...all the fun stuff... Im so happy with it. yay.
I also go some wonderful gift cards, pj's, books, and music. OH and Kendall got me tea tree oil hair products. awesome.
I have noticed however, that as I get older, I tend to be more easily amused by trivial material things...and I think it is because I spent most of my 20's convincing myself that all I needed what what it took to survive. Now that I have and a few extras here and there...I want more. It makes me happy. I refuse to become so shallow as to say I want it all...Im not my ex after all...I have no desire to be the number one stunner, or to walk around carrying my ipod, my cell phone, my designer wallet, my over priced ugly sunglasses and my "socal" or other such tacky poser gear...with that look of utter digust while I walk into the bar where I think Im SO much better th an everyone. That is not me.
HOWEVER, I like having some nice material things. Like my iPod. I think the difference between having material things, and being materialistic...if your level of appreciation for the material thing. I have so much use for, and appreciation for my cell phone, my iPod, my car, my computer, my books, my wallet, my (broken and superglued) sunglasses...that I think no matter how much I may accumulate, I will never be materialistic because I will appreciate all that I have, and who gave it to me. My beautiful, funny, talented, and fabulous friend Jessy..a.k.a. Titty Kitty, gave me a beautiful O'Neill wallet for christmas that I love and couldnt have asked for anything better because my shitty old louis vuitton knock off that a former friend gave to me years ago..was cracked and falling apart. This is what I mean, had I not gotten it, I wouldnt either gotten a new one for myself or kept the shitty knockoff that was falling apart. But this gift was not only thoughtful, it was PERFECT... and I appreciate it.
So this morning I had an eye opening moment...I think that I have become bitter toweards people I dont know, for pointless reasons.
Example... Im on the freeway, and I as Im driving to work, I pass a Toyota Camry with a license plate that says "IM SUSYN" and the only thing I can say is "Bitch no one ones gives a fuck who you are."
uhh, wow, the bitterness. Why would that bother me? I was over it by the time I passed her, but still. Weird. OH and there was a car with a sticker that said "I Love my Life" and I wanted to run him off the road. That might be petty jealousy but still. LOL
I like my life too...I am happy, Im talking to a smart, funny, interesting, and VERY sexy guy, I have a decent paying job...well...yeah its ok... so sexy guy, decent job, getting into school next year, amazing friends, amazing family, sexy car, nice apartment, comfy bed, cool clothes, great sense of humor...my belongings are intact, my health is improving... life IS good. But for whatever reason, this guy advertising and proclaiming it on his bumper...was smug and irritating to me. Weird.
OK so I need to go to my lunch break now... so PEACE OUT BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!
the second half of 2008 ROCKED MY FUCKIN SOCKS AND 2009 WILL ONLY GET BETTER!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs & Squishes
Andru
December 22, 2008
December 19, 2008
DoucheBaggery... in its pure and evil form.
The most Evil form is the Douche-Baggarious Wolf...that hides in sheep's clothing.
Its funny that the word Sheep is used, as I so often refer to the religious followers as sheep because they blindly follow whatever they are told...never questioning or bothering to self-educate. Its sad. Lemmings. Sheep.
But THIS....THIS douche bag is a man of the cloth...and he promotes discrimination, hatred, and bigotry. What religion encourages such behavior? I cant think of one....yet this man .... is a representative of the CHRISTIAN RELIGION. If I were a Christian...and I was told that I should believe and live my life with Hate in my heart...I would choose a different religion. I don;t care what your beliefs are, Hatred is Hatred. Its Ugly and Evil.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... The Douche Bag Wolf in Sheeps clothing...
RICK WARREN
He says that Gay Marriage is no different thank Polygamy, Pedophilia, and Incest. Fuck you Rick Warren. You WILL Burn for your Hatred.
PEOPLE...SPREAD THE WORD....
"ATTENTION RELIGIOUS TYPES....PLEASE TAKE 5 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'MARRIAGE' AND 'MATRAMONY' ...THE 5000 YR TRADITION AS RICK WARREN CALLS IT...IS MATROMONY....MARRIAGE IS A LEGAL UNION....MATROMONY IS A RELIGIOUS UNION...SEPERATE AND EDUCATE..CHURCH AND STATE. YOUR JUST HATE FILLED BIGOTS HIDING BEHIND THE CROSS AS USING IT TO RATIONALIZE YOUR PERSONAL HATRED AND BIGORTY. YOURE COWARDS"
This was emailed to me and I am blogging it for you all:
Courage Campaign
"I'm opposed to redefinition of a 5,000 year definition of marriage. I'm opposed to having a brother and sister being together and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage." -- Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church, December 15, 2008
Incest. Pedophilia. Polygamy.
When Pastor Rick Warren was asked to clarify this statement -- if he actually equates same-sex marriage with incest, pedophilia and polygamy -- his answer was direct and unequivocal: "Oh, I do."
That didn't stop President-elect Barack Obama from choosing Pastor Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration -- an appalling mistake that will forever tarnish our country's celebration of Obama's historic ascendance to the White House.
While President-elect Obama has chosen to ignore the troubling beliefs of the man who will spiritually usher in his presidency, Californians can not ignore Rick Warren and his Saddleback Church followers, based in Orange County.
We can not ignore Rick Warren's fervent support for Proposition 8 or his mobilization of thousands of evangelical Christians to enshrine discrimination into our state constitution.
Harvey Milk did not ignore John Briggs in 1978, when Briggs sought to pass Proposition 6 -- the infamous "Briggs Initiative" that attempted to ban gay and lesbian teachers, and anyone who supported them, from our California's public schools. Milk challenged Briggs to debates across the state.
And we're not going to ignore Rick Warren. That's why we're asking you to give Pastor Warren a new invitation -- a Courage Campaign invitation to a public debate on same-sex marriage with Reverend Eric Lee, President of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) of Greater Los Angeles.
It's time to challenge Rick Warren to an open, honest debate about same-sex marriage. Click here now to join us, by signing your name to our invitation to Rev. Warren to debate Rev. Eric Lee. On December 24, the Courage Campaign will deliver your signatures to Pastor Warren at the Saddleback Church in Orange County:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
You may not know Rev. Eric Lee. But you should.
Rev. Eric Lee is a courageous leader on marriage equality in the faith community and in the African American community. Representing the SCLC, founded by the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rev. Lee expressed his strong opposition to Prop 8 in October by taking a stand with the Courage Campaign against the Mormon Church's heavy involvement in the Prop 8 campaign.
Now, Rev. Lee is taking a stand again, challenging Pastor Warren to a debate about Prop 8 and same-sex marriage.
Rev. Eric Lee needs your support to challenge Rev. Rick Warren to debate Prop 8 and explain Warren's comparison of same-sex marriage to incest, pedophilia and polygamy. Please sign here -- and ask your friends to gather as many signatures as possible -- before December 24:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
Thank you for everything you are doing to restore marriage equality and push for progressive change in California.
Rick Jacobs
Chair
P.S. To repeal Prop 8, and change California forever, we need to change the conversation.
You can change the conversation by signing this invitation to Rick Warren and forwarding this message to your friends today. The more signatures we gather, the more likely Rick Warren's views on same-sex marriage will be challenged, this time by another man of faith. DEADLINE: DECEMBER 24:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
..............
Courage Campaign Issues is part of the Courage Campaign's online organizing network that empowers over 300,000 grassroots and netroots activists to push for progressive change in California.
To power our campaign to repeal Prop 8, please contribute today:
Its funny that the word Sheep is used, as I so often refer to the religious followers as sheep because they blindly follow whatever they are told...never questioning or bothering to self-educate. Its sad. Lemmings. Sheep.
But THIS....THIS douche bag is a man of the cloth...and he promotes discrimination, hatred, and bigotry. What religion encourages such behavior? I cant think of one....yet this man .... is a representative of the CHRISTIAN RELIGION. If I were a Christian...and I was told that I should believe and live my life with Hate in my heart...I would choose a different religion. I don;t care what your beliefs are, Hatred is Hatred. Its Ugly and Evil.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... The Douche Bag Wolf in Sheeps clothing...
RICK WARREN
He says that Gay Marriage is no different thank Polygamy, Pedophilia, and Incest. Fuck you Rick Warren. You WILL Burn for your Hatred.
PEOPLE...SPREAD THE WORD....
"ATTENTION RELIGIOUS TYPES....PLEASE TAKE 5 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE TO LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN 'MARRIAGE' AND 'MATRAMONY' ...THE 5000 YR TRADITION AS RICK WARREN CALLS IT...IS MATROMONY....MARRIAGE IS A LEGAL UNION....MATROMONY IS A RELIGIOUS UNION...SEPERATE AND EDUCATE..CHURCH AND STATE. YOUR JUST HATE FILLED BIGOTS HIDING BEHIND THE CROSS AS USING IT TO RATIONALIZE YOUR PERSONAL HATRED AND BIGORTY. YOURE COWARDS"
This was emailed to me and I am blogging it for you all:
Courage Campaign
"I'm opposed to redefinition of a 5,000 year definition of marriage. I'm opposed to having a brother and sister being together and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to an older guy marrying a child and calling that marriage. I'm opposed to one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage." -- Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church, December 15, 2008
Incest. Pedophilia. Polygamy.
When Pastor Rick Warren was asked to clarify this statement -- if he actually equates same-sex marriage with incest, pedophilia and polygamy -- his answer was direct and unequivocal: "Oh, I do."
That didn't stop President-elect Barack Obama from choosing Pastor Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration -- an appalling mistake that will forever tarnish our country's celebration of Obama's historic ascendance to the White House.
While President-elect Obama has chosen to ignore the troubling beliefs of the man who will spiritually usher in his presidency, Californians can not ignore Rick Warren and his Saddleback Church followers, based in Orange County.
We can not ignore Rick Warren's fervent support for Proposition 8 or his mobilization of thousands of evangelical Christians to enshrine discrimination into our state constitution.
Harvey Milk did not ignore John Briggs in 1978, when Briggs sought to pass Proposition 6 -- the infamous "Briggs Initiative" that attempted to ban gay and lesbian teachers, and anyone who supported them, from our California's public schools. Milk challenged Briggs to debates across the state.
And we're not going to ignore Rick Warren. That's why we're asking you to give Pastor Warren a new invitation -- a Courage Campaign invitation to a public debate on same-sex marriage with Reverend Eric Lee, President of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) of Greater Los Angeles.
It's time to challenge Rick Warren to an open, honest debate about same-sex marriage. Click here now to join us, by signing your name to our invitation to Rev. Warren to debate Rev. Eric Lee. On December 24, the Courage Campaign will deliver your signatures to Pastor Warren at the Saddleback Church in Orange County:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
You may not know Rev. Eric Lee. But you should.
Rev. Eric Lee is a courageous leader on marriage equality in the faith community and in the African American community. Representing the SCLC, founded by the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr., Rev. Lee expressed his strong opposition to Prop 8 in October by taking a stand with the Courage Campaign against the Mormon Church's heavy involvement in the Prop 8 campaign.
Now, Rev. Lee is taking a stand again, challenging Pastor Warren to a debate about Prop 8 and same-sex marriage.
Rev. Eric Lee needs your support to challenge Rev. Rick Warren to debate Prop 8 and explain Warren's comparison of same-sex marriage to incest, pedophilia and polygamy. Please sign here -- and ask your friends to gather as many signatures as possible -- before December 24:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
Thank you for everything you are doing to restore marriage equality and push for progressive change in California.
Rick Jacobs
Chair
P.S. To repeal Prop 8, and change California forever, we need to change the conversation.
You can change the conversation by signing this invitation to Rick Warren and forwarding this message to your friends today. The more signatures we gather, the more likely Rick Warren's views on same-sex marriage will be challenged, this time by another man of faith. DEADLINE: DECEMBER 24:
http://www.couragecampaign.org/RickWarrenDebate
..............
Courage Campaign Issues is part of the Courage Campaign's online organizing network that empowers over 300,000 grassroots and netroots activists to push for progressive change in California.
To power our campaign to repeal Prop 8, please contribute today:
Viva La Musica
This is the music currently flowing from my car speakers, and I highly recommend that you give it a whirl. They are very good.
Jonatha Brook - Because I Told You So
Sinead O'Connor - Angel
Kelly Clarkson - Irvine
Britney Spears - Out From Under
Britney Spears - Unusual You
Britney Spears - Lace & Leather
(yes Britney is on here three times...get over it I like Britney)
Beyonce - Halo
Pizzicato Five - Baby Love Child
Annie Lennox - Little Bird
BMU - You Will Know
Smooth - Anything I Like
AND THIS...is my Christmas music list!!!!
Ashlee & Jessica Simpson - Little Drummer Boy (pah rump ump umm pummmmm)
Aly & AJ - We Three Kings
Kelly Clarkson - Oh Holy Night
Destinys Child - Carol of the Bells
Enya - What Child is This
The Chipmunks - The Christmas Song (me I waaaaant a hooooolahooooooop)
Eric Cartman - Oh Holy Night
Southpark - Dradel Dradel Dradel
ENJOY!!!!!!!! HAPPY / MERRY / JOYOUS CHRISTMAHANNUKWANZIKAH!!!!
Jonatha Brook - Because I Told You So
Sinead O'Connor - Angel
Kelly Clarkson - Irvine
Britney Spears - Out From Under
Britney Spears - Unusual You
Britney Spears - Lace & Leather
(yes Britney is on here three times...get over it I like Britney)
Beyonce - Halo
Pizzicato Five - Baby Love Child
Annie Lennox - Little Bird
BMU - You Will Know
Smooth - Anything I Like
AND THIS...is my Christmas music list!!!!
Ashlee & Jessica Simpson - Little Drummer Boy (pah rump ump umm pummmmm)
Aly & AJ - We Three Kings
Kelly Clarkson - Oh Holy Night
Destinys Child - Carol of the Bells
Enya - What Child is This
The Chipmunks - The Christmas Song (me I waaaaant a hooooolahooooooop)
Eric Cartman - Oh Holy Night
Southpark - Dradel Dradel Dradel
ENJOY!!!!!!!! HAPPY / MERRY / JOYOUS CHRISTMAHANNUKWANZIKAH!!!!
December 18, 2008
Classy Ladies
Hi, Im Starr...with two R's Starr Ostroff
Im 20, and the total package. Im told I have beautiful eyes, and Angelina Jolie lips, in fact some people say I resemble her. I have dated alot of guys, and broke all their hearts because I got bored with them and moved on. I mean, its hard to be this sexy and this trendy and to be..basically a celebrity without the career. I was supposed to be on MTV's My Super Sweet 16 but they said they couldn't finish taping me...something about lenses constantly breaking...I dunno. Either way Im looking to date people who are basically as hot as I am, so if your a hot musician or Male Model, or PLay Girl Model, then only you should apply. Im daddies little princess and he pays for my apartment and car and all my bills, so you should be able to do so also, otherwise you will be kicked to the curb. I love my daddy, I look just like him. So were both hot...so no bi guys. I dont wanna have to fight my hot dad for my man.
Holler at me if you can handle me.
*smootches*
Im 20, and the total package. Im told I have beautiful eyes, and Angelina Jolie lips, in fact some people say I resemble her. I have dated alot of guys, and broke all their hearts because I got bored with them and moved on. I mean, its hard to be this sexy and this trendy and to be..basically a celebrity without the career. I was supposed to be on MTV's My Super Sweet 16 but they said they couldn't finish taping me...something about lenses constantly breaking...I dunno. Either way Im looking to date people who are basically as hot as I am, so if your a hot musician or Male Model, or PLay Girl Model, then only you should apply. Im daddies little princess and he pays for my apartment and car and all my bills, so you should be able to do so also, otherwise you will be kicked to the curb. I love my daddy, I look just like him. So were both hot...so no bi guys. I dont wanna have to fight my hot dad for my man.
Holler at me if you can handle me.
*smootches*
Actual Work Conversation
Tom: "I'm back from lunch."
Andru: "Ew, Tom Hilary was flirting with a service tech on the phone, can I file a complaint?"
Tom: "Sure, what's your complaint?"
Andru: "Well, politically I'm ok with the hetero lifestyle, but to see if right in front of my face, its just plain sick."
Tom: ".....heh heh, good one."
This has been another actual work conversation
Andru: "Ew, Tom Hilary was flirting with a service tech on the phone, can I file a complaint?"
Tom: "Sure, what's your complaint?"
Andru: "Well, politically I'm ok with the hetero lifestyle, but to see if right in front of my face, its just plain sick."
Tom: ".....heh heh, good one."
This has been another actual work conversation
December 17, 2008
O.....M.....G
work has been hell, and therefor I have not been able to blog. I am sorry I have neglected you all for like 7 days. Things in my life are pretty crazy, christmas shopping, derby party, hellish week at work, and just...ahhh. I felt like I wanted to pull out my hair, so I buzzed my head instead. HA
I have decided that I want to try to write something. I spend enough time and energy blogging, I might as well write a book. Or a story, or something....I dunno...but i have this urge to write. So Im gonna start. I dont know what Im gonna write about exactly but Ill figure something out Im sure.
Maybe a series of short stories?? I dunno.
Thank you all for sticking with me. And Thank You Awesome Zara for talking up my little blogspot.
LOVE YOU ALL, ILL BE BACK WITH THE LOLCATS CLASSY LADIES DOUCHEBAGGERY AND EVERYTHING ELSE REAL SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have decided that I want to try to write something. I spend enough time and energy blogging, I might as well write a book. Or a story, or something....I dunno...but i have this urge to write. So Im gonna start. I dont know what Im gonna write about exactly but Ill figure something out Im sure.
Maybe a series of short stories?? I dunno.
Thank you all for sticking with me. And Thank You Awesome Zara for talking up my little blogspot.
LOVE YOU ALL, ILL BE BACK WITH THE LOLCATS CLASSY LADIES DOUCHEBAGGERY AND EVERYTHING ELSE REAL SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
December 11, 2008
Absolutely Sickening...
I got this email this morning, and am forwarding it to you all via blog, myspace, facebook, and email.
WE CANNOT LET THEM DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! I swear to god Im going to organize a grass roots effort to burn down every mormon church in the country. and NO that was not a typo, I did not capitalize the m in mormon because I do not have any respect for them as a "religion" or as a "people"
Are we done fighting with signs and voices? can we start fighting with fists and brick now?? I've been waiting...
Anyway here is the email I received:
Last month, you stood up against constitutional discrimination in California and for full marriage equality.
Since then, a nationwide protest has begun. A legal challenge has been filed in the California Supreme Court. Supporters of proposition 8 have splintered once it was revealed that they intended to repeal all state benefits to domestic partners, even health care. And they continue to use their massive, tax-free funding to buy deceptive and misleading full-page ads in the New York times.
Right now, we need you to confirm that you would like to receive additional information via email about supporting marriage equality. Please click the link below:
http://www.marriageequalitynow.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/n/marriage/guacamolejim/gmail.com/7810658/
This lets us know that you wish to continue to receive updates about the fight for marriage equality. If you do not wish to receive updates, simply delete this email and we will not contact you again.
Best regards,
- Your friends at Marriage Equality Now
http://www.marriageequalitynow.com/
info@marriageequalitynow.com
* * *
Our privacy policy: We will not share your contact information with any other commercial or political groups without your consent.
WE CANNOT LET THEM DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!! I swear to god Im going to organize a grass roots effort to burn down every mormon church in the country. and NO that was not a typo, I did not capitalize the m in mormon because I do not have any respect for them as a "religion" or as a "people"
Are we done fighting with signs and voices? can we start fighting with fists and brick now?? I've been waiting...
Anyway here is the email I received:
Last month, you stood up against constitutional discrimination in California and for full marriage equality.
Since then, a nationwide protest has begun. A legal challenge has been filed in the California Supreme Court. Supporters of proposition 8 have splintered once it was revealed that they intended to repeal all state benefits to domestic partners, even health care. And they continue to use their massive, tax-free funding to buy deceptive and misleading full-page ads in the New York times.
Right now, we need you to confirm that you would like to receive additional information via email about supporting marriage equality. Please click the link below:
http://www.marriageequalitynow.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/n/marriage/guacamolejim/gmail.com/7810658/
This lets us know that you wish to continue to receive updates about the fight for marriage equality. If you do not wish to receive updates, simply delete this email and we will not contact you again.
Best regards,
- Your friends at Marriage Equality Now
http://www.marriageequalitynow.com/
info@marriageequalitynow.com
* * *
Our privacy policy: We will not share your contact information with any other commercial or political groups without your consent.
December 9, 2008
Actual Work Conversation
Andru: *phone rings....no one answers...so I do* "--my company name-- Heating and Air, how can I help you?"
Caller: "uhh...who is this?"
Andru: ".....this is --my company name-- heating and air"
Caller: "...is this --my company name--??"
Andru: "*sigh* yes."
Caller: "do you service heaters?"
Andru: "...really?"
Caller: "I mean like do you fix heating systems?"
Andru: ".................*click*"
This has been another Actual Work Conversation
Caller: "uhh...who is this?"
Andru: ".....this is --my company name-- heating and air"
Caller: "...is this --my company name--??"
Andru: "*sigh* yes."
Caller: "do you service heaters?"
Andru: "...really?"
Caller: "I mean like do you fix heating systems?"
Andru: ".................*click*"
This has been another Actual Work Conversation
Today Kinda Blows
So I realized that I made a critical error in my December monthly budget, a $120 error. So I have spent most of my day trying to rework it so i can survive this month...and calling myself a fucking retard. I think I have it worked out, Im feeling a little bit better....then I get a text saying "hey, you cant take the 101 freeway home, its shut down in newbury park because the Conejo Grade is on fire." Fuck me.
So Im taking my co worker home, then Im going to have to somehow navigate my way from Westlake Village...to Camarillo...without the freeway....normally not a problem, except that every other retard driver in the tri county area is going to be doing the same thing. I may just back track to Agoura and take Kanan down to the PCH and come in via the coast. Its a LONG way around but its doable. I think this is one of those curl-up-in-bed-and-read nights. Otherwise Im likely to be a complete and utter bitch to everyone I come in contact with...except Mike. If he texts me it will undoubtedly make me feel better, he usually does.
It's days like this that drive me to want to drink. I think Im gonna be a snooty fag tonight and polish off a bottle of wine. Ooo la la
So Im taking my co worker home, then Im going to have to somehow navigate my way from Westlake Village...to Camarillo...without the freeway....normally not a problem, except that every other retard driver in the tri county area is going to be doing the same thing. I may just back track to Agoura and take Kanan down to the PCH and come in via the coast. Its a LONG way around but its doable. I think this is one of those curl-up-in-bed-and-read nights. Otherwise Im likely to be a complete and utter bitch to everyone I come in contact with...except Mike. If he texts me it will undoubtedly make me feel better, he usually does.
It's days like this that drive me to want to drink. I think Im gonna be a snooty fag tonight and polish off a bottle of wine. Ooo la la
December 6, 2008
Tire Rotation
I couldn't resist. I am sitting at Big Brand Tires in Camarillo, CA, waiting for my tires to be rotated (cuz they do it for free) and damned if they dont have two computers in their waiting room for people to use to go online while their cars are getting serviced!! This is the greatest idea on the planet!!!!! Im shocked this isnt is every establishment. So Naturally, I thought of you, my beloved readers, and hopped online and here I am. Blogging to you from Big Brand Tires' waiting room. Incidentally there are also two big ass giant flat screen plasma TVs mounted to the wall. I have to say this is pretty freaking cool.
Well here is a recap of my week, Monday....sucks donkey butt. Coming back from a long weekend to a day from hell with bitchy clients and stupid people causing problems for us... Tuesday I went on a "date" with a guy named Josh, who is a very nice guy, but Im not entirely sure how into me he is. I think he and I will end up being friends. Which is cool. The weird thing is he knows a few of my old friends, which is neat, but because Ventura County is entirely too small, he knows OF my ex, but he is friends with the guy my ex cheated on me with and dated for 2 years. Yeah, awkward. But Its been 2 years since our relationship ended and Im not weird about it anymore, its just odd. I know my ex and Josh's friend are no longer together...a wise choice on the part of Josh's friend, considering I know for a fact that my ex cheated on him more than once.... which really shouldnt come as a shock, I mean he cheated on me with you...what made you think he wouldnt cheat on you?!?!? Please tell me that thought crossed your mind AT LEAST once. If not..oh honey, you simple.
BUT I cant hate the guy. I did at first...but then I thought "my ex is your problem now..you kinda did me the favor" at least thats how I see it now. I love my ex. He was my first love, I will always love and care about him. BUT now...Im iover it.
WELL my car is done. Im outta here. PEACE OUT BITCHES> xoxo
Well here is a recap of my week, Monday....sucks donkey butt. Coming back from a long weekend to a day from hell with bitchy clients and stupid people causing problems for us... Tuesday I went on a "date" with a guy named Josh, who is a very nice guy, but Im not entirely sure how into me he is. I think he and I will end up being friends. Which is cool. The weird thing is he knows a few of my old friends, which is neat, but because Ventura County is entirely too small, he knows OF my ex, but he is friends with the guy my ex cheated on me with and dated for 2 years. Yeah, awkward. But Its been 2 years since our relationship ended and Im not weird about it anymore, its just odd. I know my ex and Josh's friend are no longer together...a wise choice on the part of Josh's friend, considering I know for a fact that my ex cheated on him more than once.... which really shouldnt come as a shock, I mean he cheated on me with you...what made you think he wouldnt cheat on you?!?!? Please tell me that thought crossed your mind AT LEAST once. If not..oh honey, you simple.
BUT I cant hate the guy. I did at first...but then I thought "my ex is your problem now..you kinda did me the favor" at least thats how I see it now. I love my ex. He was my first love, I will always love and care about him. BUT now...Im iover it.
WELL my car is done. Im outta here. PEACE OUT BITCHES> xoxo
December 3, 2008
Gay Panic!
OMG OMG OMG
I love Britney's New Album, "CIRCUS"
This bitch is BACK
Give it a download or buy it, whatever, its good.
There is one song I SWEAR TO GOD she wrote for me. I mean I can see why its about her, but damnit, she nailed how I feel about...someone..... on the head.
It's called "Out From Under"
Its amazing. Im having a gay panic over it. :-)
I love Britney's New Album, "CIRCUS"
This bitch is BACK
Give it a download or buy it, whatever, its good.
There is one song I SWEAR TO GOD she wrote for me. I mean I can see why its about her, but damnit, she nailed how I feel about...someone..... on the head.
It's called "Out From Under"
Its amazing. Im having a gay panic over it. :-)
December 2, 2008
FUCKING CLUELESS
Many people need financial aid and grants and student loans and stuff...
how do you get it?
I filled out a fafsa form like 3 years ago when i was making $10 an hour, and they told me I made too much money to get grants or financial aide. The only think I got was my $26 a unit paid for. EVERYTHING ELSE came out of pocket and it killed me. Money was a big part of why I didn't finish the semester, I couldn't afford it anymore, with rent, and bills and the commute from Cam to Newbury Park to work, then from there to Ventura for school...It was too much plus playing for supplies, BOOKS, and all the software I had to buy for two of the classes I was taking... I had no choice, I had to drop out. Broke my heart to do it, but I had no choice.
Well now I make more money than back then, so I know Im probably fucked there....
its like I have to unemployed to get help.
wtf?!?!?
Someone PLEASE give me guidance!!! Where do I go for Grants? Where do I apply for student loans? how many can I have? Are those things on the MySpace banners about that guy getting grant money real? cuz dont play Ill do it.
I need MONEY, I need to pay for school so I can get a degree and get a REAL job that pays REAL money so I dont spend the rest of my life doing what Im doing now... working hard, underpaid, and barely making ends meet.
I want to do more than just "survive"
Who has knowledge about this stuff???
PLEASE HELP ME HERE.
Thanks
Andru / Andy / Andy CandyPants / whatever you wanna call me.
how do you get it?
I filled out a fafsa form like 3 years ago when i was making $10 an hour, and they told me I made too much money to get grants or financial aide. The only think I got was my $26 a unit paid for. EVERYTHING ELSE came out of pocket and it killed me. Money was a big part of why I didn't finish the semester, I couldn't afford it anymore, with rent, and bills and the commute from Cam to Newbury Park to work, then from there to Ventura for school...It was too much plus playing for supplies, BOOKS, and all the software I had to buy for two of the classes I was taking... I had no choice, I had to drop out. Broke my heart to do it, but I had no choice.
Well now I make more money than back then, so I know Im probably fucked there....
its like I have to unemployed to get help.
wtf?!?!?
Someone PLEASE give me guidance!!! Where do I go for Grants? Where do I apply for student loans? how many can I have? Are those things on the MySpace banners about that guy getting grant money real? cuz dont play Ill do it.
I need MONEY, I need to pay for school so I can get a degree and get a REAL job that pays REAL money so I dont spend the rest of my life doing what Im doing now... working hard, underpaid, and barely making ends meet.
I want to do more than just "survive"
Who has knowledge about this stuff???
PLEASE HELP ME HERE.
Thanks
Andru / Andy / Andy CandyPants / whatever you wanna call me.
December 1, 2008
So Very Random,,,,
I get to work this morning and go online to check my email.
I have an email from my co worker who took today off, and it was so brilliantly random I had to share it with you.
From: Co-Worker Hillary
SUBJECT: This thought occurred to me
And it is plaguing me. I wonder if either Ben or Fred Savage refer to themselves as a "savage" when it comes to funtime in the bedroom.
A - Ben Savage reminds me of my sister's boyfriend.
B - Fred Savage has grown into his ugly, a la Leonardo DiCaprio, but far worse.
While swallowing a baby puke at the thought of those two guys fornicating, I felt it only fair to share that thought with you
Reply from Andru:
thats fucking rad.
I think Ben Savage looked like a cute lil beaver as a kid...
and the last time I saw Fred Savage...I think he was really handsome. Maybe I need glasses.
I have an email from my co worker who took today off, and it was so brilliantly random I had to share it with you.
From: Co-Worker Hillary
SUBJECT: This thought occurred to me
And it is plaguing me. I wonder if either Ben or Fred Savage refer to themselves as a "savage" when it comes to funtime in the bedroom.
A - Ben Savage reminds me of my sister's boyfriend.
B - Fred Savage has grown into his ugly, a la Leonardo DiCaprio, but far worse.
While swallowing a baby puke at the thought of those two guys fornicating, I felt it only fair to share that thought with you
Reply from Andru:
thats fucking rad.
I think Ben Savage looked like a cute lil beaver as a kid...
and the last time I saw Fred Savage...I think he was really handsome. Maybe I need glasses.
November 26, 2008
Actual Work Conversation
Andru: *cough*
Tom (boss): "No Coughing"
Andru: "...um...ok"
*****5 minutes later*****
Tom (boss): *clears throat*
Andru: "No throat clearing"
Tom (boss): "shut up"
Andru: "Don't make me write you up Tom."
Tom (boss): ".....sorry, won't happen again."
Andru: "Let's hope not."
This has been an Actual Work Conversation
Tom (boss): "No Coughing"
Andru: "...um...ok"
*****5 minutes later*****
Tom (boss): *clears throat*
Andru: "No throat clearing"
Tom (boss): "shut up"
Andru: "Don't make me write you up Tom."
Tom (boss): ".....sorry, won't happen again."
Andru: "Let's hope not."
This has been an Actual Work Conversation
SECRETS REVEALED!!!
Thanks to Betty Bowers, homosexuals' sneaky little secrets are now revealed to the godly:
THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!
As every Christian knows, there is only one enemy that threatens our entire civilization. And I am, of course, not talking about Satan. I'm talking about those damned homosexuals! Yes, they give otherwise dull hair radiant highlights and our imperfect décor those fabulous flourishes that elude our more predictable heterosexual sensibilities, but at what price? In exchange for a little panache, we allow homosexuals to steal our children and destroy our Christian marriages. And how do they do this? With their secret masterplan -- The Homosexual Agenda!
Many a well-intentioned person has asked me, "Betty, what exactly is The Homosexual Agenda?" Well, if you have to ask, you are probably already under its pernicious influence and blithely hop-scotching your way straight to Hell. Nevertheless, the details of The Homosexual Agenda have -- up until this day -- been kept more secret than the nature of John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's marriages. But I am pleased to announce that through innumerable free vodka sea-breezes and some artful Christian skullduggery, I have gotten my hands on an authentic copy of The Homosexual Agenda. Praise the Lord!
I have had my secretaries, Miss Anne Thrope and Anita Priceczech, transcribe The Homosexual Agenda from the back of a used cocktail napkin (the original is to be placed in the Smithsonian Institute) for your convenient reference. Never again shall we be surprised by what these malevolent Nancy Boys are up to. While they may still be able to surprise us with a cunningly perfect piece of Chinese porcelain for our Biederimeier end-table, they will never again be able to surreptitiously take over our culture, families and prime-time television without God-fearing Christians being one step ahead of them! Praise the Lord!
The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.
8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.
12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.
1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.
2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.
4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.
4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.
12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA!
As every Christian knows, there is only one enemy that threatens our entire civilization. And I am, of course, not talking about Satan. I'm talking about those damned homosexuals! Yes, they give otherwise dull hair radiant highlights and our imperfect décor those fabulous flourishes that elude our more predictable heterosexual sensibilities, but at what price? In exchange for a little panache, we allow homosexuals to steal our children and destroy our Christian marriages. And how do they do this? With their secret masterplan -- The Homosexual Agenda!
Many a well-intentioned person has asked me, "Betty, what exactly is The Homosexual Agenda?" Well, if you have to ask, you are probably already under its pernicious influence and blithely hop-scotching your way straight to Hell. Nevertheless, the details of The Homosexual Agenda have -- up until this day -- been kept more secret than the nature of John Travolta's and Tom Cruise's marriages. But I am pleased to announce that through innumerable free vodka sea-breezes and some artful Christian skullduggery, I have gotten my hands on an authentic copy of The Homosexual Agenda. Praise the Lord!
I have had my secretaries, Miss Anne Thrope and Anita Priceczech, transcribe The Homosexual Agenda from the back of a used cocktail napkin (the original is to be placed in the Smithsonian Institute) for your convenient reference. Never again shall we be surprised by what these malevolent Nancy Boys are up to. While they may still be able to surprise us with a cunningly perfect piece of Chinese porcelain for our Biederimeier end-table, they will never again be able to surreptitiously take over our culture, families and prime-time television without God-fearing Christians being one step ahead of them! Praise the Lord!
The Homosexual Agenda
8:00 a.m. Wake up. Wonder where you are.
8:01 a.m. Realize you are lying on 100 percent cotton sheets of at least a 300 count, so don't panic; you're not slumming.
8:02 a.m. Realize you are actually in your own bed for a change. Wake stranger next to you and tell them you are late for work so won't be able to cook breakfast for them. Mutter "sorry" as you help him look for his far-flung underwear. You find out that you tore his boxers while ripping them off him last night, so you "loan" him a pair of boxer-briefs, but not the new ones because you never intend to see him again.
8:05 a.m. Tell the stranger, whose name eludes you, "It was fun. I'll give you a call," as you usher him out the door, avoiding his egregious morning-breath.
8:06 a.m. Crumple and dispose of the piece of paper with his telephone number on it when you get to the kitchen.
8:07 a.m. Make a high protein breakfast while watching the Today show. Wonder if the stories you've heard about Matt Lauer are true. Decide they must be.
8:30 a.m. Italian or domestic? Decide to go with three-button Italian and the only shirt that is clean.
8:45 a.m. Climb into red Z4 and try not to look too much like Barbie driving one of her accessories as you pull out of your underground parking. Revos or Armanis? Go with Revos.
9:35 a.m. Stroll into office.
9:36 a.m. Close door to office and call best friend and laugh about the guy who spent the night at your condo. Point out something annoying about best friend's boyfriend but quickly add "It doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, just as long as you love him."
10:15 a.m. Leave office, telling your secretary you are "meeting with a client." Pretend not to notice her insubordinate roll of her eyes (or the cloying "poem" she has tacked to her cubicle wall).
10:30 a.m. Hair appointment for lowlights and cut. Purchase of Aveda anti-humectant pomade.
11:30 a.m. Run into personal trainer at gym. Pester him about getting you Human Growth Hormone. Spend 30 minutes talking to friends on your cell phone while using Hammer Strength machines, preparing a mental-matrix of which circuit parties everyone is going to and which are now passe.
12:00pm Tan. Schedule back-waxing in time for Saturday party where you know you will end up shirtless.
12:30 p.m. Pay trainer for anabolic steroids and schedule a workout. Shower, taking ten minutes to knot your tie while you check-out your best friend's boyfriend undress with the calculation of someone used to wearing a t-back and having dollars stuffed in their crotch.
1:00 p.m. Meet someone for whom you only know his waist, chest and penis size from AOL M4M chat for lunch at a hot, new restaurant. Because the maître d' recognizes you from a gay bar, you are whisked past the Christian heterosexual couples who have been waiting patiently for a table since 12:30.
2:30 p.m. "Dessert at your place." Find out, once again, people lie on AOL.
3:33 p.m. Assume complete control of the U.S., state, and local governments (in addition to other nations' governments); destroy all healthy Christian marriages; recruit all children grades Kindergarten through 12 into your amoral, filthy lifestyle; secure complete control of the media, starting with sitcoms; molest innocent children; give AIDS to as many people as you can; host a pornographic "art" exhibit at your local art museum; and turn people away from Jesus, causing them to burn forever in Hell.
4:10 p.m. Time permitting, bring about the general decline of Western Civilization and look like you are having way too much fun doing it.
4:30 p.m. Take a disco-nap to prevent facial wrinkles from the stress of world conquest and being so terribly witty.
6:00 p.m. Open a fabulous new bottle of Malbec.
6:47 P.M. Bake Ketamine for weekend. Test recipe.
7:00 P.M. Go to Abercrombie & Fitch and announce in a loud voice, "Over!"
7:40 P.M. Stop looking at the photographic displays at Abercrombie & Fitch and go to a cool store to begin shopping.
8:30 p.m. Light dinner with catty homosexual friends at a restaurant you will be "over" by the time it gets its first review in the local paper.
10:30 p.m. Cocktails at a debauched gay bar, trying to avoid alcoholic queens who can't navigate a crowd with a lit cigarette in one hand and a Stoli in a cheap plastic cup in the other. Make audible remark about how "trashy" people who still think smoking is acceptable are.
12:00 a.m. "Nightcap at your place." Find out that people lie in bars, too.
November 25, 2008
Update
hey peeps.
Just a quick update while I have a few minutes.
Life is good! Im traveling, Im dog sitting, Im happy! I wish I could have someone to cuddle with besides the German Shepard Im taking care of BUT he is a good cuddler.
Im looking forward to my 4 day weekend!!! OMG am I looking forward to it. Im going to Lake Havsu for my friends wedding, and Ive never been there so Im excited. Im hoping to get down to San Diego again soon, and Im looking into schools so I can get a degree hopefully before Im 30... and this means Ill probably have to move away to go to school...which is sad, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Im gonna probably bury myself in financial aid and student loans but damnit, Im gonna do it, and Im gonna make it. Damnit.
Thank you all so much for continuing to read my blog and click those ads!! I should be getting my first payment from google in January and Im excited. And I have you all to thank. Keep it up! Im sorry that my blog has been lack luster laterly, Ive been very busy, and life always seems to get in the way but the things getting in my way have been so good that I can;t say I wish it were different!
Someone once told me that 2007 was their year to shine, his year to come out and be the center of attention and he had everything he wanted... knowing full well that 2007 was one of the worst years of my life.... now he isnt happy, and Im on top of the world...and I feel bad for him. I dont want to rub it in his face or gloat...I just feel bad for him....but I guess thats life ya know? sometimes youre up, sometimes your down. I guess Im on the up and I've decided that Im going to find everyway possible to continue heading upward and onward.
peace out bitches, I love your faces.
Andru
Just a quick update while I have a few minutes.
Life is good! Im traveling, Im dog sitting, Im happy! I wish I could have someone to cuddle with besides the German Shepard Im taking care of BUT he is a good cuddler.
Im looking forward to my 4 day weekend!!! OMG am I looking forward to it. Im going to Lake Havsu for my friends wedding, and Ive never been there so Im excited. Im hoping to get down to San Diego again soon, and Im looking into schools so I can get a degree hopefully before Im 30... and this means Ill probably have to move away to go to school...which is sad, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Im gonna probably bury myself in financial aid and student loans but damnit, Im gonna do it, and Im gonna make it. Damnit.
Thank you all so much for continuing to read my blog and click those ads!! I should be getting my first payment from google in January and Im excited. And I have you all to thank. Keep it up! Im sorry that my blog has been lack luster laterly, Ive been very busy, and life always seems to get in the way but the things getting in my way have been so good that I can;t say I wish it were different!
Someone once told me that 2007 was their year to shine, his year to come out and be the center of attention and he had everything he wanted... knowing full well that 2007 was one of the worst years of my life.... now he isnt happy, and Im on top of the world...and I feel bad for him. I dont want to rub it in his face or gloat...I just feel bad for him....but I guess thats life ya know? sometimes youre up, sometimes your down. I guess Im on the up and I've decided that Im going to find everyway possible to continue heading upward and onward.
peace out bitches, I love your faces.
Andru
November 21, 2008
Actual Work Conversation
Serg: "Andru, I'm running ahead of schedule..."
Andru: "...ok. Did you want a cookie or something?"
Serg: "hahaha no man Im cool...so for the next call...can I come early?"
Andru: "Serg, if your wife has been okay with it for this long, I'm sure the customer will be fine with it."
Serg: "hahaha well you dont know what youre talking about, Im the latin stallion."
Andru: "Yet you have no kids....ya know they used to shoot stallions who couldn't be bred."
Serg: "Trust me, I do the 'shooting'"
Andru: "......ew."
This has been another, Actual Work Conversation
Andru: "...ok. Did you want a cookie or something?"
Serg: "hahaha no man Im cool...so for the next call...can I come early?"
Andru: "Serg, if your wife has been okay with it for this long, I'm sure the customer will be fine with it."
Serg: "hahaha well you dont know what youre talking about, Im the latin stallion."
Andru: "Yet you have no kids....ya know they used to shoot stallions who couldn't be bred."
Serg: "Trust me, I do the 'shooting'"
Andru: "......ew."
This has been another, Actual Work Conversation
Viva La Musica
This is what I am listening to currently. I highly recommend you download and give them a listen. If you don't like them, its cool, just thought I would share cuz Im at work and SO BORED! ok here we go:
Jazmine Sullivan "Bust Your Windows"
Des'ree "You Gotta Be"
Lenny Kravitz "American Woman"
David Archuleta "My Hands"
Pizzicato Five "Sugar Baby Love"
Kelly Clarkson "Sober"
Beyonce "Put a Ring on it"
Natalie Imbruglia "Wishing I Was There"
Natasha Beddingfield "Unwritten"
Lillix "What I Like About You"
Lumidee & Tony Sunshine "She's Like The Wind"
Van Halen "You Really Got Me"
Enjoy!
Jazmine Sullivan "Bust Your Windows"
Des'ree "You Gotta Be"
Lenny Kravitz "American Woman"
David Archuleta "My Hands"
Pizzicato Five "Sugar Baby Love"
Kelly Clarkson "Sober"
Beyonce "Put a Ring on it"
Natalie Imbruglia "Wishing I Was There"
Natasha Beddingfield "Unwritten"
Lillix "What I Like About You"
Lumidee & Tony Sunshine "She's Like The Wind"
Van Halen "You Really Got Me"
Enjoy!
November 20, 2008
November 19, 2008
November 17, 2008
Weird things
okay, so I have these moments when I look around and start to notice weird shit. Like the fact that we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways...but that's not really all that fun or interesting... however, I have noticed a lot of weird things about myself... and here is a list:
1. I have become quite the Chunky Peanut Butter lover! I woke up at 2:30 this morning CRAVING chunky peanut butter, so I went into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon, grabbed the PB and dug a lil spoonful out, put the jar back, and sat on my balcony, enjoying the cool night air, and my little spoonful of peanut butter. Went back inside, had a glass of milk and then went back to bed.
2. I am quite the Milk drinker. I mean, I've been a milk drinker since I was a kid...that's how it was in my family, kids had milk with breakfast and dinner. Unless we wanted Juice. It was like an unspoken rule, adults had wine, or beer, or soda with dinner, kids had water or milk. As an adult, I Love Milk. I drink it....cuz I enjoy it. I am the guy who buys the two gallons for $4.50 every week or so. I use it for everything, cereal, cooking, baking, drinking...everything. What's weirder is that I have become such a creature of habit, that there are some foods I won't eat unless I have milk to accompany it. The following foods do not appeal to me unless I have milk:
Any baked good or pastry
breakfast food of any kind
Pasta's with cream sauces
Anything with Pesto Sauce
Mac & Cheese
PB & J
...well anything with peanut butter really...
Pot Pies
Meatloaf
Tuna Noodle Casserole
Pasta w/ butter & cheese
Little Caesars $5 Pizza (sometimes, I wont, but usually I do)
3. I hate cutting my nails. I don't want them long and gross...I just don't want them to grow. Because I hate taking the time to sit down and cut my finger and toe nails.
4. I have weird outer toes. The little baby toes...mine are weird looking. They kinda freak me out.
5. Roller Derby has changed my way of thinking. For example...my friends have told me time and time again that I drive like a hellion. My ex called me "Captain Crazy" on the freeway. One friend has said more than once "Andy tried to kill me!!!" Which is lame because SHE is the one who needed to be at LAX by 3 and wasn't ready to go until 1:30. I was just trying to get her there on time. Anyway, thanks to Derby, I see this differently, Im not an asshole driver, I'm a Jammer :-) I'm just trying to get past the Blockers and the Pivots. On the Road of life, there are Blockers, and there are Jammers. I am a Jammer behind the wheel.
6. I make fun of emo kids alot. It's not because they look a certain way or anything like that....its the emo "whoa is me" bullshit that is so unnecessary. If you're so unhappy, do something to change it, or shut up. But they are fun to make fun of... which is sad, but true. HOWEVER... sometimes, some of those emo boys...are REALLY hot.
7. Goth people, the full on pale makeup, black everything else, Marilyn Manson-esque just...full on "I shit Bats" Goth kids...freak me out when they smile and laugh. It just seems so...unnatural. LMAO. But I like Goth kids, they are usually very creative and artistic...all be it, a big downer to be around sometimes, BUT I respect them.
8. Whenever someone asks "Who are you?" I almost instinctively respond "who do you want me to be?"
9. I love that when I go to Outlaws, there may be a few hetero douchebags who don't like the gay guy in the bar... but you see, the two hottie bartender girls...are my friends, (shout out to my girls Jessy and Kelly) and the two big burly scary bouncers at the door, smile and hug me when I arrive. BOOM.
10. Blasphemy make me laugh. I try to be respectful of religions and people's religious beliefs (except the Mormons, fuck those civil rights stealing douche-jockeys) but honestly, I can't help it, blasphemy is hysterical.
1. I have become quite the Chunky Peanut Butter lover! I woke up at 2:30 this morning CRAVING chunky peanut butter, so I went into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon, grabbed the PB and dug a lil spoonful out, put the jar back, and sat on my balcony, enjoying the cool night air, and my little spoonful of peanut butter. Went back inside, had a glass of milk and then went back to bed.
2. I am quite the Milk drinker. I mean, I've been a milk drinker since I was a kid...that's how it was in my family, kids had milk with breakfast and dinner. Unless we wanted Juice. It was like an unspoken rule, adults had wine, or beer, or soda with dinner, kids had water or milk. As an adult, I Love Milk. I drink it....cuz I enjoy it. I am the guy who buys the two gallons for $4.50 every week or so. I use it for everything, cereal, cooking, baking, drinking...everything. What's weirder is that I have become such a creature of habit, that there are some foods I won't eat unless I have milk to accompany it. The following foods do not appeal to me unless I have milk:
Any baked good or pastry
breakfast food of any kind
Pasta's with cream sauces
Anything with Pesto Sauce
Mac & Cheese
PB & J
...well anything with peanut butter really...
Pot Pies
Meatloaf
Tuna Noodle Casserole
Pasta w/ butter & cheese
Little Caesars $5 Pizza (sometimes, I wont, but usually I do)
3. I hate cutting my nails. I don't want them long and gross...I just don't want them to grow. Because I hate taking the time to sit down and cut my finger and toe nails.
4. I have weird outer toes. The little baby toes...mine are weird looking. They kinda freak me out.
5. Roller Derby has changed my way of thinking. For example...my friends have told me time and time again that I drive like a hellion. My ex called me "Captain Crazy" on the freeway. One friend has said more than once "Andy tried to kill me!!!" Which is lame because SHE is the one who needed to be at LAX by 3 and wasn't ready to go until 1:30. I was just trying to get her there on time. Anyway, thanks to Derby, I see this differently, Im not an asshole driver, I'm a Jammer :-) I'm just trying to get past the Blockers and the Pivots. On the Road of life, there are Blockers, and there are Jammers. I am a Jammer behind the wheel.
6. I make fun of emo kids alot. It's not because they look a certain way or anything like that....its the emo "whoa is me" bullshit that is so unnecessary. If you're so unhappy, do something to change it, or shut up. But they are fun to make fun of... which is sad, but true. HOWEVER... sometimes, some of those emo boys...are REALLY hot.
7. Goth people, the full on pale makeup, black everything else, Marilyn Manson-esque just...full on "I shit Bats" Goth kids...freak me out when they smile and laugh. It just seems so...unnatural. LMAO. But I like Goth kids, they are usually very creative and artistic...all be it, a big downer to be around sometimes, BUT I respect them.
8. Whenever someone asks "Who are you?" I almost instinctively respond "who do you want me to be?"
9. I love that when I go to Outlaws, there may be a few hetero douchebags who don't like the gay guy in the bar... but you see, the two hottie bartender girls...are my friends, (shout out to my girls Jessy and Kelly) and the two big burly scary bouncers at the door, smile and hug me when I arrive. BOOM.
10. Blasphemy make me laugh. I try to be respectful of religions and people's religious beliefs (except the Mormons, fuck those civil rights stealing douche-jockeys) but honestly, I can't help it, blasphemy is hysterical.
November 11, 2008
Classy Ladies
Well Hi There!! I'm Viktoria Chambers. I am 22 yrs old. I am always being mistaken for a model, which I think is like...so bitchin. I would like to meet some nice daddy types, older, wealthy, preferably next to death. Because I love to take care of them. Im a nurturer.
I dont eat much (as you can tell my picture) so Im a VERY inexpensive dinner date.
I believe in keeping it real. Be Real, Im all about the Real-ness....well, except for my boobs, tan, hair, lips, teeth, eyebrows, nose, cheekbones, chin, AGE and nails.... other than that, Im all about being real.
Hit me up if you want this kinda of flawless beauty on your liver spotted arm.
Slowing down
Well, it has been a crazy month and we're only 11 days in. The election was amazing, I never thought I would see the day that a black man would become president. I couldn't be happier. Its a sign of hope and change and acceptance in this country. Although I fear greatly for Obama, because I know there will be attempts on his life, and I hope that none of them succeed. Regardless of what his color is, and what your political views are, he is now our president and he worked very hard to get there and he deserves his chance to prove himself.
With such a great step forward, there is also a great step backwards. Prop 8 has passed. I am now a second class citizen...at least in the eyes of 52% of the voters in California. This is sickening. I am ashamed to be from California, and I am ashamed of my country and my fellow americans for allowing such discrimination to exist in this country...the land of the "free." Im sure that prop 8 is not permanent, it will be changed or removed, its just a matter of time. So don't gloat prop 8 people, cuz I'll hit you. Then rub it in your face when its overturned.
What else...oh today is my Mom's birthday! YAY. I love my mommy. she fuckin rocks.
You dont even know, she is the coolest. So Happy Birthday to Pretty.
I'm thrilled to announce that VCDD's "B" team KICKED FUCKING ASS AT THE OC GAME!!! Krazee Kate, Dr.Gyn 'o' Might, Anita Slapahoe, Lady Death, LaJefa, Hitman Heidi, Vendetta Vixen, Afternoon DD-Delight, Juv E. Nile, B-Stroyer, Clobberella (god I hope I didnt forget anyone) and everyone else were fantastic and did an amazing job! These bitches were so focused and on their game...Im so proud. VCDD BITCHES...WHAT?!?!!?!?
I can't overlook my Derby Husband/Hetero boyfriend Craig...he did a great job reffing, even though he kinda fell once, BUT it was cool cuz he jumped over two blockers who fell in front of him and landed on his skates!! I was impressed. Good job Craig.
I also met an amazing guy. We have been talking for a little while, but got to meet, and he is...well...just a genuinely good guy. He is funny, smart, driven, and I like him...ALOT. The situation is complicated for now, but hopefully in another month or two the complications will clear up and things will lighten up a bit. He knows how I feel about him so its all good.
I got sick, pretty bad, which SUCKS...I hate being sick. I usually blame someone around me, ya know, someone who was sick and gave it to me...I think I can blame Kendall cuz he was sick this weekend too but his symptoms were different from mine...so I'll just blame my shitty immune system.
I dont think that there are any other updates...OH my friend Gary...aka Gar-Bear is getting married!! Congrats to Mr and Mrs Gar-Bear. Im hoping to make it to the wedding but damnit, I got two weeks notice, and he lives in Lake Havasu City...so we will see what I can do. Im hoping I can make it, but I dont know.
OKAY well thats all I have for right now, I'll try to line up some funnies for you.
PEACE OUT!!!!! BTW CLICK THE FUCKING GOOGLE ADS!!!! Im close to reaching the goal of $100 bucks!!! yaaaaay
With such a great step forward, there is also a great step backwards. Prop 8 has passed. I am now a second class citizen...at least in the eyes of 52% of the voters in California. This is sickening. I am ashamed to be from California, and I am ashamed of my country and my fellow americans for allowing such discrimination to exist in this country...the land of the "free." Im sure that prop 8 is not permanent, it will be changed or removed, its just a matter of time. So don't gloat prop 8 people, cuz I'll hit you. Then rub it in your face when its overturned.
What else...oh today is my Mom's birthday! YAY. I love my mommy. she fuckin rocks.
You dont even know, she is the coolest. So Happy Birthday to Pretty.
I'm thrilled to announce that VCDD's "B" team KICKED FUCKING ASS AT THE OC GAME!!! Krazee Kate, Dr.Gyn 'o' Might, Anita Slapahoe, Lady Death, LaJefa, Hitman Heidi, Vendetta Vixen, Afternoon DD-Delight, Juv E. Nile, B-Stroyer, Clobberella (god I hope I didnt forget anyone) and everyone else were fantastic and did an amazing job! These bitches were so focused and on their game...Im so proud. VCDD BITCHES...WHAT?!?!!?!?
I can't overlook my Derby Husband/Hetero boyfriend Craig...he did a great job reffing, even though he kinda fell once, BUT it was cool cuz he jumped over two blockers who fell in front of him and landed on his skates!! I was impressed. Good job Craig.
I also met an amazing guy. We have been talking for a little while, but got to meet, and he is...well...just a genuinely good guy. He is funny, smart, driven, and I like him...ALOT. The situation is complicated for now, but hopefully in another month or two the complications will clear up and things will lighten up a bit. He knows how I feel about him so its all good.
I got sick, pretty bad, which SUCKS...I hate being sick. I usually blame someone around me, ya know, someone who was sick and gave it to me...I think I can blame Kendall cuz he was sick this weekend too but his symptoms were different from mine...so I'll just blame my shitty immune system.
I dont think that there are any other updates...OH my friend Gary...aka Gar-Bear is getting married!! Congrats to Mr and Mrs Gar-Bear. Im hoping to make it to the wedding but damnit, I got two weeks notice, and he lives in Lake Havasu City...so we will see what I can do. Im hoping I can make it, but I dont know.
OKAY well thats all I have for right now, I'll try to line up some funnies for you.
PEACE OUT!!!!! BTW CLICK THE FUCKING GOOGLE ADS!!!! Im close to reaching the goal of $100 bucks!!! yaaaaay
November 7, 2008
Shameless Self Promotion
Hi!! I know most of you out there reading this, and I love you for it! But I have a request... SPREAD ME AROUND!! Please. TELL EVERYONE about this blog. Myspace it, friendster it, live journal it, facebook it, whatever else there is for networking, SEND SEND SEND...here is my theory...if as many people as possible come to my blog, and enjoy it even a little, and they click that google ad, then the money will start coming in, because as you know, I get paid per click...Im at $85 right now, and once I reach 100, I start getting paid...but they only pay you the hundred bucks, after you reach it...and who couldnt use an extra hundred bucks? even if it is once every few months?
SO...please tell everyone, bulletin it http://AndrusAdventures.blogspot.com
and know that I will do the same for you should you need me to.
xoxo
Andru
SO...please tell everyone, bulletin it http://AndrusAdventures.blogspot.com
and know that I will do the same for you should you need me to.
xoxo
Andru
...and the fight started
I'll bet you thought this was gonna be political!!! HA tricked ya
Its a funny email I got and thought I would share:
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
=======================================================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
250 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
=====================================================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started... .
=====================================================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office..
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
===============================================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
============================================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....
Its a funny email I got and thought I would share:
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started.
=======================================================================
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
250 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started.
=====================================================================
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station...
And then the fight started... .
=====================================================================
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was
very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office..
She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
===============================================================
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and
I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone
at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear
she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
============================================================
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the
road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how
sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT
HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....
November 5, 2008
MSAC is amazing
Once again, the MySpace Award Center / MikeInk.com guy is fucking amazing.
"
You screwed up
Ok so here's what I don't get.
The nastiness. The ease with which people let racist and offensive comments fall out of their mouths about Barack Obama. So many people in my opinion who look away from the negative things they may have done, too cowardly to face the mistakes they may have caused by voting for the wrong president in the past.
John McCain lost this election because he assumed American women were so shallow that if he tossed a female into the ring anyone with a vagina would vote for him. Why aren't all the loud mouthed finger pointers screaming their frustrations about John McCain's GIGANTIC misjudgment? That is why he lost. If he had chosen Mit Romney he probably would have won.
If you were a decent person you'd be disappointed in your candidate for making a really bad decision. But you can't admit that. You aren't a fair person. You can only now express your disgust for the candidate that won because your team lost, and for good reason.
Your team lost because you put George Bush into the White house......twice.
The truth is many people in this country are afraid. If you are straight and white and moderately well off financially, then you have never had to question otherwise. The ONLY thing that makes you nervous is when people who are not exactly like you want a fair shake.
What might that mean to your lifestyle?
There are people who are different. There are different beliefs and cultures. Not everyone is Christian.
Ask yourself this honestly. Are you respectful of people who are different or do you insist that they follow your rules and social behavior? How do you feel about people who are not Christian? Do you feel you have the right to insisted they live by your beliefs? Are you truly a kind and compassionate person or do you pretend to be, saying please and thank you because it's what good people do?
After the past eight disastrous years how can anyone who participated in creating this mess honestly have the nerve to tell anyone who they should vote for?
John McCain didn't just lose, he was SLAUGHTERED. Because Americans are sick of the same old bullshit. Point your angry little accusatory fingers at yourselves because YOU created this mess. If a Democrat in office makes you angry, have the courage to admit that is was because you made the horrible mistake that swayed Americans in the other direction."
"
You screwed up
Ok so here's what I don't get.
The nastiness. The ease with which people let racist and offensive comments fall out of their mouths about Barack Obama. So many people in my opinion who look away from the negative things they may have done, too cowardly to face the mistakes they may have caused by voting for the wrong president in the past.
John McCain lost this election because he assumed American women were so shallow that if he tossed a female into the ring anyone with a vagina would vote for him. Why aren't all the loud mouthed finger pointers screaming their frustrations about John McCain's GIGANTIC misjudgment? That is why he lost. If he had chosen Mit Romney he probably would have won.
If you were a decent person you'd be disappointed in your candidate for making a really bad decision. But you can't admit that. You aren't a fair person. You can only now express your disgust for the candidate that won because your team lost, and for good reason.
Your team lost because you put George Bush into the White house......twice.
The truth is many people in this country are afraid. If you are straight and white and moderately well off financially, then you have never had to question otherwise. The ONLY thing that makes you nervous is when people who are not exactly like you want a fair shake.
What might that mean to your lifestyle?
There are people who are different. There are different beliefs and cultures. Not everyone is Christian.
Ask yourself this honestly. Are you respectful of people who are different or do you insist that they follow your rules and social behavior? How do you feel about people who are not Christian? Do you feel you have the right to insisted they live by your beliefs? Are you truly a kind and compassionate person or do you pretend to be, saying please and thank you because it's what good people do?
After the past eight disastrous years how can anyone who participated in creating this mess honestly have the nerve to tell anyone who they should vote for?
John McCain didn't just lose, he was SLAUGHTERED. Because Americans are sick of the same old bullshit. Point your angry little accusatory fingers at yourselves because YOU created this mess. If a Democrat in office makes you angry, have the courage to admit that is was because you made the horrible mistake that swayed Americans in the other direction."
LOOP HOLE....PAYBACK IS A BITCH!!!!!!
http://www. mormonsstoleourrights. com/#petition
read very carefully. SIGN THE PETITION.
Its time turn the tables and teach them a lesson!
read very carefully. SIGN THE PETITION.
Its time turn the tables and teach them a lesson!
Ashamed.
Before I post the Wise words of my friend Tacy, I have to get this out:
I am disgusted by California. I am disgusted by Mormons. I am disgusted by the out of state organizations being allowed to fund a proposition that isn't involving their state.
Even though it is not technically over, I'm pretty sure California has voted, and me, my friends, my amazing friends who I love...will be second class citizens. I'm repulsed by the air I breathe because it's Californian air. I've never been so ashamed of my state and my country before. From now on, if the subject should ever come up, I'm Canadian. Fuck this place.
I think the gays should now start rioting. shut shit down. go on strike...SOMETHING. This Ghandi style peaceful protest bullshit doesn't work anymore. The Blacks fought back, it worked. The Drag Queens fought back at Stonewall...and our Civil rights movement began...I THINK ITS TIME WE PUT ON OUR BRASS KNUCKLES AND GETS TO SWINGIN, and I'm more than happy and very ready to on the front lines.
WARNING: The following statement does not pertain to those of you who voted "no" on 8...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA!!! FUCK YOU CHURCH OF LATTER DAY SAINTS!!! FUCK YOU FAKE CHRISTIANS WHO PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR SCRIPTURES TO FOLLOW!!!! FUCK YOU ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO SAY WHAT GOD HATES!!! FUCK YOU FOCUS ON THE FAMILY!!! FUCK YOU ALL WHO VOTED YES ON 8!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL DIE HORRIBLE PAINFUL AGONIZING SLOW TORTUROUS DEATHS!!!!!
Any REAL Christian will tell you that no one, NO ONE is good enough for God. and NO ONE EVER WILL BE...that's why he sacrificed his son...for every sin that will ever be committed. God doesn't HATE. He loves, unconditionally. We all sin, and people still love us unconditionally... its no different. Im so sick of these hypocrite religious sheep who don't dig any deeper than what their inbred relatives tell them. I have a friend named Melissa, who is probably the most religious friend I have ever had, and she loves me. She once told me that God and Jesus know who I am, and whatever I do in my life is between me, and them. The rest of the people who judge and throw stones...dont matter. What matters is Me...and God. Melissa is fuckin RAD.
If anyone gloats to me about Prop 8 passing..I will hurt you. I will attack you with every ounce of strength in my body. I will GIVE YOU A FUCKING REASON TO HATE AND DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME MOTHER FUCKERS
My level headed and extremely intelligent friend Tacy said this to me:
"Listen Andru, the problem is this... We as a nation need to fix the influx of religion in our government FIRST; and one way to fix it would be to stop having state issued marriage licenses. Marriage belongs in the church, or with you, your spouse, and your spirituality. The state merely acknowledges a civil contract to accept responsibility for each other's taxes, debt, property, children, and health.
What you should be fighting for is Civil Unions in state government, for everyone. Then you eliminate any Christian's argument against allowing all people to have Civil Unions. In fact, we should be able to civilly unionize with 10 other individuals if we want. When you take religion out of government, it is able to be more fair, impartial, and rational.
Tell your friends."
She makes a damn good point. Its not about the word "Marriage" its not about GOD, its about civil rights and liberties.
Consider me a Dixie Chick...Im ashamed of my home state.
I am; however, very happy that Obama won. It gives me home that change can happen in this fucked up country.
Plus, people keep telling me "Its not over...absentee ballots are still being counted, its too close to call...dont give up" I dont know if I can hope anymore. Im kinda tapped out.
So..anyone know anybody in Massachusetts? Cuz everyone is equal there, maybe I could rent a room from someone? cuz moving there is starting to look really good...or Canada.
I am disgusted by California. I am disgusted by Mormons. I am disgusted by the out of state organizations being allowed to fund a proposition that isn't involving their state.
Even though it is not technically over, I'm pretty sure California has voted, and me, my friends, my amazing friends who I love...will be second class citizens. I'm repulsed by the air I breathe because it's Californian air. I've never been so ashamed of my state and my country before. From now on, if the subject should ever come up, I'm Canadian. Fuck this place.
I think the gays should now start rioting. shut shit down. go on strike...SOMETHING. This Ghandi style peaceful protest bullshit doesn't work anymore. The Blacks fought back, it worked. The Drag Queens fought back at Stonewall...and our Civil rights movement began...I THINK ITS TIME WE PUT ON OUR BRASS KNUCKLES AND GETS TO SWINGIN, and I'm more than happy and very ready to on the front lines.
WARNING: The following statement does not pertain to those of you who voted "no" on 8...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA!!! FUCK YOU CHURCH OF LATTER DAY SAINTS!!! FUCK YOU FAKE CHRISTIANS WHO PICK AND CHOOSE YOUR SCRIPTURES TO FOLLOW!!!! FUCK YOU ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY ARE GOOD ENOUGH TO SAY WHAT GOD HATES!!! FUCK YOU FOCUS ON THE FAMILY!!! FUCK YOU ALL WHO VOTED YES ON 8!!!! I HOPE YOU ALL DIE HORRIBLE PAINFUL AGONIZING SLOW TORTUROUS DEATHS!!!!!
Any REAL Christian will tell you that no one, NO ONE is good enough for God. and NO ONE EVER WILL BE...that's why he sacrificed his son...for every sin that will ever be committed. God doesn't HATE. He loves, unconditionally. We all sin, and people still love us unconditionally... its no different. Im so sick of these hypocrite religious sheep who don't dig any deeper than what their inbred relatives tell them. I have a friend named Melissa, who is probably the most religious friend I have ever had, and she loves me. She once told me that God and Jesus know who I am, and whatever I do in my life is between me, and them. The rest of the people who judge and throw stones...dont matter. What matters is Me...and God. Melissa is fuckin RAD.
If anyone gloats to me about Prop 8 passing..I will hurt you. I will attack you with every ounce of strength in my body. I will GIVE YOU A FUCKING REASON TO HATE AND DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ME MOTHER FUCKERS
My level headed and extremely intelligent friend Tacy said this to me:
"Listen Andru, the problem is this... We as a nation need to fix the influx of religion in our government FIRST; and one way to fix it would be to stop having state issued marriage licenses. Marriage belongs in the church, or with you, your spouse, and your spirituality. The state merely acknowledges a civil contract to accept responsibility for each other's taxes, debt, property, children, and health.
What you should be fighting for is Civil Unions in state government, for everyone. Then you eliminate any Christian's argument against allowing all people to have Civil Unions. In fact, we should be able to civilly unionize with 10 other individuals if we want. When you take religion out of government, it is able to be more fair, impartial, and rational.
Tell your friends."
She makes a damn good point. Its not about the word "Marriage" its not about GOD, its about civil rights and liberties.
Consider me a Dixie Chick...Im ashamed of my home state.
I am; however, very happy that Obama won. It gives me home that change can happen in this fucked up country.
Plus, people keep telling me "Its not over...absentee ballots are still being counted, its too close to call...dont give up" I dont know if I can hope anymore. Im kinda tapped out.
So..anyone know anybody in Massachusetts? Cuz everyone is equal there, maybe I could rent a room from someone? cuz moving there is starting to look really good...or Canada.
November 4, 2008
Classy Ladies
oh this one's a JEM.
I knew Miley Cyrus was a skank!
yeah, total fake ass disney skank. I understand that millions of american teens take pictures like this every single day...but you are a celebrity...a fucking DISNEY celebrity. If you aren't smart enough to realize that these pictures can get out, then maybe your achy-breaky parents should know that you are a role model for many young girls and that pictures like this might not be the best idea.... although your father is too busy riding your coat tails trying to recharge his own dead career to notice what it is you are doing....oh well.
Was Hilary Duff the only kid star that didnt turn out a tragic coke head or complete slut? I hope not. You go Miss Duff.
I knew Miley Cyrus was a skank!
yeah, total fake ass disney skank. I understand that millions of american teens take pictures like this every single day...but you are a celebrity...a fucking DISNEY celebrity. If you aren't smart enough to realize that these pictures can get out, then maybe your achy-breaky parents should know that you are a role model for many young girls and that pictures like this might not be the best idea.... although your father is too busy riding your coat tails trying to recharge his own dead career to notice what it is you are doing....oh well.
Was Hilary Duff the only kid star that didnt turn out a tragic coke head or complete slut? I hope not. You go Miss Duff.
Douche Baggery Returns!!!
I give you...the "lil Wayne" Douche
I will never understand what it is about this kind of slimy greasy douche. The jacked up teeth, the irritating confidence that is misplaced and frankly, embarrassing to witness...its all part of this tragic mess. This guy reminds me of Lil Wayne...who, for whatever reason, is considered hot. Okay, yes he works out and has the tiny waste and broad shoulders and the muscles, but here is the thing...he like 4'10" and has a big ass head...ON HIS SHOULDERS...pervs... so he looks like a buff midget with big poofy dirty lookin dreds, lame ass ugly tattoos, and fucked up bucked teeth. WHY IS THAT SEXY???? cant be his musical stylings, he sounds like a whining Jr High School student in the middle of puberty who is getting over a cold. HE IS FUCKING UGLY. But he has lots and lots of money, thus why he can get laid. What does THIS freakshow have? Besides a serious need for a bitch slap.
I just dont get it, i know everyone is different and we all have different tastes...but DAMN. I just dont understand.
DOUCHE BAGGERY I TELL YOU...DOUCHE BAGGERY...look at him!!! EW he SCREAMS Douchebag.
I will never understand what it is about this kind of slimy greasy douche. The jacked up teeth, the irritating confidence that is misplaced and frankly, embarrassing to witness...its all part of this tragic mess. This guy reminds me of Lil Wayne...who, for whatever reason, is considered hot. Okay, yes he works out and has the tiny waste and broad shoulders and the muscles, but here is the thing...he like 4'10" and has a big ass head...ON HIS SHOULDERS...pervs... so he looks like a buff midget with big poofy dirty lookin dreds, lame ass ugly tattoos, and fucked up bucked teeth. WHY IS THAT SEXY???? cant be his musical stylings, he sounds like a whining Jr High School student in the middle of puberty who is getting over a cold. HE IS FUCKING UGLY. But he has lots and lots of money, thus why he can get laid. What does THIS freakshow have? Besides a serious need for a bitch slap.
I just dont get it, i know everyone is different and we all have different tastes...but DAMN. I just dont understand.
DOUCHE BAGGERY I TELL YOU...DOUCHE BAGGERY...look at him!!! EW he SCREAMS Douchebag.
Advice...
Here are a few things I have learned over and over and over in my life, and they are true, everytime:
If it seems too good to be true, it is.
If HE seems too good to be true, He is.
Never get your hopes up over a guy/girl who SAYS she/he likes you but doesn't show it, you will always be disappointed every time.
Yes there are good men out there, look around you will find them....dating your friends, or just wanting to be your friend, or they live out of state or in my case, a whole different country! YES! I have been hit on via the internet by men in the following countries: Canada, Mexico, Chile, Venezuela, Nigeria, England, Italy, and Japan.
Why? You aren't moving here, I'm not moving there....so piss off.
Trust me, it doesn't matter how hard you try, if s/he doesn't try too, it will never happen...so don't waste your energy.
Follow your first instinct, always.
Sometimes, giving up is a very good option.
If someone at work pisses you off, deal and let it go, if they OFFEND you...speak up! If they don't apologize or they argue with you about it, offend them and walk away.
Never be anyone other than yourself, cuz you are the only person you are fooling.
Optimism is highly overrated, pessimism is at least realistic.
Chocolate will NOT cure everything, but it helps.
If you text him/her 3 or more times and they don't respond... just stop. Anymore and your a psycho stalker, and if you go off assuming they are assbags, and your wrong, you feel like an ass, look like a retard, and are considered a douchebag. If he/she doesn't respond, just stop texting cold turkey, don't try to bait them by saying "well i guess im not that important" or "I see how it is, later" cuz then you will more than likely make the situation worse. If he/she wants to, he/she will contact YOU. If not, then let them go and add them to the mounting list of disappointments. (you shouldn't have gotten your hopes up in the first place)
Relax...it will all be over soon. LOL
Yeah I'm feeling kinda shitty right now. What of it. My mood ring is a filthy brown, deal with it.
If it seems too good to be true, it is.
If HE seems too good to be true, He is.
Never get your hopes up over a guy/girl who SAYS she/he likes you but doesn't show it, you will always be disappointed every time.
Yes there are good men out there, look around you will find them....dating your friends, or just wanting to be your friend, or they live out of state or in my case, a whole different country! YES! I have been hit on via the internet by men in the following countries: Canada, Mexico, Chile, Venezuela, Nigeria, England, Italy, and Japan.
Why? You aren't moving here, I'm not moving there....so piss off.
Trust me, it doesn't matter how hard you try, if s/he doesn't try too, it will never happen...so don't waste your energy.
Follow your first instinct, always.
Sometimes, giving up is a very good option.
If someone at work pisses you off, deal and let it go, if they OFFEND you...speak up! If they don't apologize or they argue with you about it, offend them and walk away.
Never be anyone other than yourself, cuz you are the only person you are fooling.
Optimism is highly overrated, pessimism is at least realistic.
Chocolate will NOT cure everything, but it helps.
If you text him/her 3 or more times and they don't respond... just stop. Anymore and your a psycho stalker, and if you go off assuming they are assbags, and your wrong, you feel like an ass, look like a retard, and are considered a douchebag. If he/she doesn't respond, just stop texting cold turkey, don't try to bait them by saying "well i guess im not that important" or "I see how it is, later" cuz then you will more than likely make the situation worse. If he/she wants to, he/she will contact YOU. If not, then let them go and add them to the mounting list of disappointments. (you shouldn't have gotten your hopes up in the first place)
Relax...it will all be over soon. LOL
Yeah I'm feeling kinda shitty right now. What of it. My mood ring is a filthy brown, deal with it.
November 3, 2008
Pieces of Me...part 2
...so I didn't a chance to finish what I started...and I HATE that. Im back!
I have a few bones to pick...I guess its not a big deal but it bothered me... I made a comment about how stupid Yes on 8 people are...because one of them actually said "9/11 happened because God Hates Fags" Ok...if those planes had crashed into San Francisco, specifically the Castro district, then yes, MAYBE I could see why people would think that...but really? How stupid....anyway so I said "9/11 was an inside job paid for and orchestrated by the US government. Because nothing controls Americans like fear. Anyway, all of a sudden, I dont know what I'm talking about and I have been watching too many conspiracy theory movies. I don't think that's right. My opinion is what it is...and I was immediately discredited and disregarded as foolish. I realize that Im not the most mature person sometimes, and yes I joke around and yes I have a childish side, but I am almost 30 years old. Dont talk to me like I'm a child just because I am younger than you. I respected what was being said to me, but what I was saying was not respected at all, and that pissed me off. Ya know what... maybe I am a conspiracy theorist. SO WHAT. This country fucks over its own citizen with its Money system, Banking System, Interest, and Credit.... The government has its fingers in everything and controls it all, they hide info from us, they control us... so why is it SO hard to believe that the coincidences surrounding 9/11 could be MORE than just coincidence? I watched an interview of an Actual Ex Government official who said "Al Queda is not a group of terrorists. Al Queda is a computer program that the US government has been using for the past 40 yrs." But that wasn't regarded as even possible either...I didnt know what I was talking about. So I have decided that in these situations, I am going to keep my opinion to myself since it wont be taken seriously.... which brings me back to the Pieces of me... I have a serious side, I have intelligence and I have more than just cartoons in my head.
I can be political
Even though I am a goofball, I can have intelligent conversation.
I hate being talked to and treated like an irresponsible teenager, I'm an adult, maybe I'm not in my 40's but I've lived a life that alot of people wouldn't have been able to handle, I had to deal with alot of grown up situations when I was a child. I've been through more than my goofy exterior might lead you to believe and I deserve and demand respect, especially when I always try to give it. (yes I said try, because we all slip and say or do things that are disrespectful, and I always try to respect peoples thoughts and opinions)
I have a beautiful mind when Im not talking about what's in my mind. I wish I could project the images in my head onto a screen so people could see the beauty that I see.
I will strive to find the unique qualities that make something, or someone beautiful.
I don't understand why people are afraid of labels or moving too quickly. I figure get it over with. For instance: If you have first date, and you hit it off, your laughing, your holding hands, your kissing, you feel amazing....whats so scary about saying "hey this is amazing, you are amazing, lets become an item."
Why is that scary. I mean if someone went out with me, and we were totally into each other, and the next day he said " I want to be your boyfriend" I would think that that is adorable and sweet, not crazy and moving too quick. I would also say yes and then call my peeps and be like " I GOTTA BOOOOOYFRIEND I GOTTA BOOOOOOOYFRIEND"
And the Label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." Get over it, its a word. "Oh but I dont like the label" Get over it. Stop trying to be "deep" a label isnt a bad thing. If you went to the grocery store cuz you wanted Chili for dinner and there were no labels, you would end up crackin open a can sardines in a chili tomato sauce and wouldnt be very happy. SO PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, its just a word. If anything it's a respectful word. It shows exclusivity and respect to the person you are dating. I know a guy who was with his guy for over 2 years but never referred to each other as boyfriends, because weren't into labels, yet they were completely exclusive, and even lived together. But not boyfriends. LAME.... I am not, nor will I ever be one of those people. I am not afraid of labels, or commitment, or relationships, or dating, or Love....and I never will be.
I dont care what anyone says or thinks, I am a Britney Spears fan. Boom.
I like the word "Idiosyncrasy" even though I rarely if ever use it.
I tend to feel like a loser for most, if not all 24 hours of the day.
Lately, I have been feeling more and more like people aren't laughing with me, as much as they are laughing at me.
Yes, I am a fast driver, and I tend to weave around cars. THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME BAD DRIVER. Get over it. Dont like it, stay the fuck outta my car!
Lately I find myself driving slower and weaving less....maybe Im getting old?
Don't bitch and complain and insult my music when in my car. If you dont like a song or artist, simply say "I don't care for this song, could we skip it?" and I will do so.
Age discrimination is stupid. I have a friend who just turned 20 and she is light-years ahead on the grown up scale than some people twice her age. I respect her opinion and thoughts more than some people 3 times her age. To Me, she isn't 20, she is Katie.
Unlike so many others, I embrace turning 30. My 20's have been such a tumultuous decade, that I am very ready to leave it behind.
The word "Tabernacle" makes me giggle without fail. Its just too funny.
When I am down in the dumps, or need to think, I hit the road. I can be found either overlooking the ocean, or in the middle of the desert staring at the stars.
There are people in my life that I turn to for advice, and there are some people in my life, who I wouldn't even talk about belly button lint with...how messed up is that?
I like dogs more than cats...mostly because I'm allergic to cat dander.
I do not want to live the rest of my life in Camarillo...but I don't know where to go.
I believe that there are real honest to goodness psychics in the world, but they are hard to find, and if you find one, DON'T LET THEM GO. If you know of one, please let me know, I need a session something fierce. I have a lot in my head that I am unsure of and a helpful pointing in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
For those of you who actually read my blog, I wish I could get you all at one place at one time so I could hug you all. Not only does this bring me a small amount of money (Thanks to your clicking of the google ads....) but its a release for me, and its a venue for me to share with you, the things I like...or dislike.
Vomiting for me, is a fate worse than death.
There are some things about me that I need to change. My disgust for Paddy's bar for instance...I really need to just get over it. My discomfort with running into my ex...why should that bother me, it has happened a few times and it was pleasant every time. I think I am pre-programmed to want to avoid him like the plague, and even though I have every reason to...I don't hate him. I'm not in love with him anymore...(thank god)...but I don't hate him.
I try to learn something everyday, even if its learning from a mistake.
I'm addicted to WoodRanch's BBQ chopped chicken salad.
I'm a bad homo, I don't like Barbara Streisand, or Liza Minnelli, Im not a huge fan of ABBA, and I enjoy Cher more as someone to imitate when singing songs in the car than as an actual performer...although I do have a tremendous amount of respect and love for Cher for embracing the Gay community as she has.
I realize that enjoying lolcats as much as I do makes me an loloser but I don't care.
The following names are just...ugly in my mind, and I dont know why:
Bryce <----i know why this one is gross...long story)
Gunther
Amos
Thalia
Olga
Umberto
Rigaberto
Beatrix (Not Beatrice...that one is pretty)
Alma
Ty-Reeq
Blaize
Blaine
Thaddeus: other spellings Thaddious, Thadious, Thadius..etc (Tad for short)
Maricris
Pina
I don't know why, I just don't like those names, I don't even like to say them.
I think that Soap Operas provide a valuable service....Military wives and people on disability need them and I'm all for it! HOWEVER....they give there characters the STUPIDEST NAMES...
"Dakota is in love with Sierra, but Greenlee wants Dakota all for herself, even though her husband Bronson can provide a better life for Greenlee and her daughter Montana. Meanwhile, Bronson's evil mother, Chrysanthemum is trying to break them up because she wants her precious Bronson to leave Greenlee. She says that Greenlee isn't good enough for her son, and she wants him to marry her best friend, Hyacinth's youngest daughter Blueberry, even though Blueberry is only 17. But little does poor Hyacinth know that her innocent little Blueberry is pregnant, carrying the child of her secret lover, Torque, the local motorcycle mechanic, who just so happens to the illegitimate nephew of Quail Egg Valley's richest and most powerful resident... Morton Vander-Cracken. Morton runs the largest magazine publishing house in all of Quail Egg Valley. His pride and joy, is his only son... Dakota. But little does he know that he fathered a second child, a girl named Nevada, who died giving birth to her baby girl...Sierra. ***ooo the twists and turns***
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF 'WALKING ON EGG SHELLS'"
Who comes up with this crap?
I think for now, this is all I can muster up. There will be more Pieces of Me posted because I am so much more than people think. And I think it's high time I let the world know. LOL
I have a few bones to pick...I guess its not a big deal but it bothered me... I made a comment about how stupid Yes on 8 people are...because one of them actually said "9/11 happened because God Hates Fags" Ok...if those planes had crashed into San Francisco, specifically the Castro district, then yes, MAYBE I could see why people would think that...but really? How stupid....anyway so I said "9/11 was an inside job paid for and orchestrated by the US government. Because nothing controls Americans like fear. Anyway, all of a sudden, I dont know what I'm talking about and I have been watching too many conspiracy theory movies. I don't think that's right. My opinion is what it is...and I was immediately discredited and disregarded as foolish. I realize that Im not the most mature person sometimes, and yes I joke around and yes I have a childish side, but I am almost 30 years old. Dont talk to me like I'm a child just because I am younger than you. I respected what was being said to me, but what I was saying was not respected at all, and that pissed me off. Ya know what... maybe I am a conspiracy theorist. SO WHAT. This country fucks over its own citizen with its Money system, Banking System, Interest, and Credit.... The government has its fingers in everything and controls it all, they hide info from us, they control us... so why is it SO hard to believe that the coincidences surrounding 9/11 could be MORE than just coincidence? I watched an interview of an Actual Ex Government official who said "Al Queda is not a group of terrorists. Al Queda is a computer program that the US government has been using for the past 40 yrs." But that wasn't regarded as even possible either...I didnt know what I was talking about. So I have decided that in these situations, I am going to keep my opinion to myself since it wont be taken seriously.... which brings me back to the Pieces of me... I have a serious side, I have intelligence and I have more than just cartoons in my head.
I can be political
Even though I am a goofball, I can have intelligent conversation.
I hate being talked to and treated like an irresponsible teenager, I'm an adult, maybe I'm not in my 40's but I've lived a life that alot of people wouldn't have been able to handle, I had to deal with alot of grown up situations when I was a child. I've been through more than my goofy exterior might lead you to believe and I deserve and demand respect, especially when I always try to give it. (yes I said try, because we all slip and say or do things that are disrespectful, and I always try to respect peoples thoughts and opinions)
I have a beautiful mind when Im not talking about what's in my mind. I wish I could project the images in my head onto a screen so people could see the beauty that I see.
I will strive to find the unique qualities that make something, or someone beautiful.
I don't understand why people are afraid of labels or moving too quickly. I figure get it over with. For instance: If you have first date, and you hit it off, your laughing, your holding hands, your kissing, you feel amazing....whats so scary about saying "hey this is amazing, you are amazing, lets become an item."
Why is that scary. I mean if someone went out with me, and we were totally into each other, and the next day he said " I want to be your boyfriend" I would think that that is adorable and sweet, not crazy and moving too quick. I would also say yes and then call my peeps and be like " I GOTTA BOOOOOYFRIEND I GOTTA BOOOOOOOYFRIEND"
And the Label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." Get over it, its a word. "Oh but I dont like the label" Get over it. Stop trying to be "deep" a label isnt a bad thing. If you went to the grocery store cuz you wanted Chili for dinner and there were no labels, you would end up crackin open a can sardines in a chili tomato sauce and wouldnt be very happy. SO PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, its just a word. If anything it's a respectful word. It shows exclusivity and respect to the person you are dating. I know a guy who was with his guy for over 2 years but never referred to each other as boyfriends, because weren't into labels, yet they were completely exclusive, and even lived together. But not boyfriends. LAME.... I am not, nor will I ever be one of those people. I am not afraid of labels, or commitment, or relationships, or dating, or Love....and I never will be.
I dont care what anyone says or thinks, I am a Britney Spears fan. Boom.
I like the word "Idiosyncrasy" even though I rarely if ever use it.
I tend to feel like a loser for most, if not all 24 hours of the day.
Lately, I have been feeling more and more like people aren't laughing with me, as much as they are laughing at me.
Yes, I am a fast driver, and I tend to weave around cars. THIS DOES NOT MAKE ME BAD DRIVER. Get over it. Dont like it, stay the fuck outta my car!
Lately I find myself driving slower and weaving less....maybe Im getting old?
Don't bitch and complain and insult my music when in my car. If you dont like a song or artist, simply say "I don't care for this song, could we skip it?" and I will do so.
Age discrimination is stupid. I have a friend who just turned 20 and she is light-years ahead on the grown up scale than some people twice her age. I respect her opinion and thoughts more than some people 3 times her age. To Me, she isn't 20, she is Katie.
Unlike so many others, I embrace turning 30. My 20's have been such a tumultuous decade, that I am very ready to leave it behind.
The word "Tabernacle" makes me giggle without fail. Its just too funny.
When I am down in the dumps, or need to think, I hit the road. I can be found either overlooking the ocean, or in the middle of the desert staring at the stars.
There are people in my life that I turn to for advice, and there are some people in my life, who I wouldn't even talk about belly button lint with...how messed up is that?
I like dogs more than cats...mostly because I'm allergic to cat dander.
I do not want to live the rest of my life in Camarillo...but I don't know where to go.
I believe that there are real honest to goodness psychics in the world, but they are hard to find, and if you find one, DON'T LET THEM GO. If you know of one, please let me know, I need a session something fierce. I have a lot in my head that I am unsure of and a helpful pointing in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
For those of you who actually read my blog, I wish I could get you all at one place at one time so I could hug you all. Not only does this bring me a small amount of money (Thanks to your clicking of the google ads....) but its a release for me, and its a venue for me to share with you, the things I like...or dislike.
Vomiting for me, is a fate worse than death.
There are some things about me that I need to change. My disgust for Paddy's bar for instance...I really need to just get over it. My discomfort with running into my ex...why should that bother me, it has happened a few times and it was pleasant every time. I think I am pre-programmed to want to avoid him like the plague, and even though I have every reason to...I don't hate him. I'm not in love with him anymore...(thank god)...but I don't hate him.
I try to learn something everyday, even if its learning from a mistake.
I'm addicted to WoodRanch's BBQ chopped chicken salad.
I'm a bad homo, I don't like Barbara Streisand, or Liza Minnelli, Im not a huge fan of ABBA, and I enjoy Cher more as someone to imitate when singing songs in the car than as an actual performer...although I do have a tremendous amount of respect and love for Cher for embracing the Gay community as she has.
I realize that enjoying lolcats as much as I do makes me an loloser but I don't care.
The following names are just...ugly in my mind, and I dont know why:
Bryce <----i know why this one is gross...long story)
Gunther
Amos
Thalia
Olga
Umberto
Rigaberto
Beatrix (Not Beatrice...that one is pretty)
Alma
Ty-Reeq
Blaize
Blaine
Thaddeus: other spellings Thaddious, Thadious, Thadius..etc (Tad for short)
Maricris
Pina
I don't know why, I just don't like those names, I don't even like to say them.
I think that Soap Operas provide a valuable service....Military wives and people on disability need them and I'm all for it! HOWEVER....they give there characters the STUPIDEST NAMES...
"Dakota is in love with Sierra, but Greenlee wants Dakota all for herself, even though her husband Bronson can provide a better life for Greenlee and her daughter Montana. Meanwhile, Bronson's evil mother, Chrysanthemum is trying to break them up because she wants her precious Bronson to leave Greenlee. She says that Greenlee isn't good enough for her son, and she wants him to marry her best friend, Hyacinth's youngest daughter Blueberry, even though Blueberry is only 17. But little does poor Hyacinth know that her innocent little Blueberry is pregnant, carrying the child of her secret lover, Torque, the local motorcycle mechanic, who just so happens to the illegitimate nephew of Quail Egg Valley's richest and most powerful resident... Morton Vander-Cracken. Morton runs the largest magazine publishing house in all of Quail Egg Valley. His pride and joy, is his only son... Dakota. But little does he know that he fathered a second child, a girl named Nevada, who died giving birth to her baby girl...Sierra. ***ooo the twists and turns***
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF 'WALKING ON EGG SHELLS'"
Who comes up with this crap?
I think for now, this is all I can muster up. There will be more Pieces of Me posted because I am so much more than people think. And I think it's high time I let the world know. LOL
October 31, 2008
Pieces of Me
I have recently been realizing that a lot of people are liked or disliked, for only one small part of their personality. I know that I personally despise people for one thing they did or said, and I don't even know what made them say it, or what happened in their life to turn the into such a raging douche-jockey. But see, like most people, Im not concerned with WHY they say or do things, the fact that they did or said these things is simply reason enough for me. So I began to wonder what it is people liked, disliked, about me. That was short lived as it is in my nature not to give a shit about peoples dislikes about me, but always want to know why I am liked. HAHAHA What can I say Im human, I like to be liked... BUT that does not equal self worth.
Moving on I know that there are a lot of people who LOVE the gay piece. The piece of me who likes boys. Naturally I run with it, because what else can I do, Im gay and that isn't going to change. There are people who like Humor piece. I must say I am partial to that one too, because I tend to crack myself up far more than I do others. Some people like the Thinker piece, these are the people like Zara, Katie, Sherri, Tim, Jill, and Jessica...the people who value my opinion and are always genuinely interested in my thoughts on various topics.
Then there are those who like the Physical Piece. Why they like the big hairy "bearish" Physical piece is a mystery to me, I wouldn't want to "do" me...but far be for me to poo on the opinions of others. The way I see it, GOD SAVE THE CHASERS!!!! There need to be more cuz I do firmly believe that big can be beautiful. And let's be honest, if there weren't Chubby Chasers and Bear Chasers i n the world, I would never get laid and I would never have known love. So more power to them!
As I sat in my car thinking about all these different things, I realized two things... ONE: I wasn't paying attention and was not only traveling at 94 MPH, but that I had passed my freeway offramp....and the TWO...there is a whole lot more to me than my physique, my humor and my sexuality. I was immediately offended at every person I have ever met because how dare they think have such a shallow view of me!!!
That thought was also short lived. I only have amazing people in my life, otherwise they wouldn't BE in my life. Then it dawned on me. One major problem with society in general, is that they have the most difficult time turning their scrutiny inward. Sure its easy when you don't like your body to scrutinize yourself, but do it for who you are...not what you look like. Yeah not so easy is it? Didn't think so. This would be the reason why I tell people who say "oh Ive been through all these relationships, and I always do the same thing, try to give it my all, and I always end up single..." As with my ex, maybe its NOT THEM. Have you thought that maybe you convince yourself that you are perfect but in actuality you are just as guilty as your boyfriend is for fucking up the relationship?? HELLO TURN INWARD.
But I digress...
I turned inward and thought "Well maybe this is all alot of people know because that is all I show them."
So I decided to make a quick list of things that make me who I am, and why I am the Unique homo, whose blog you return to so very often.(I love you all for that b-t-dubs.)
They are not in any specific order:
I like to Sew.
I love sushi but not the raw stuff.
Im Sicilian, Irish, Scottish, British, Cherokee Indian, German and Norwegian.
I have awful skin, but do what I can to survive with it.
I am a cancer survivor...well, skin cancer, but whatever, its cancer and I survived it!
I may have grown up in Camarillo, but I did not have an upper middle class suburban day dream life.
Not all people in Camarillo are closed minded idiots with minivans and lots of money.
I was rasied by the strongest and greatest single mother ever to walk the Earth.
I'm a total momma's boy.
I have issues with my father, and the way he abandoned me almost 2 years ago.
I hate that I have "baggage"
I have only truly been in love once.
I like most kinds of music, and have no problem telling you if YOUR music, is one that I DONT like.
I have little to no patience for people who "waste" their minds and their lives.
I have a freaky side.
Im no Angel.
Im no Devil either.
Some people freak out when the person they are seeing says after 2 dates "I want to be with you, and be your boyfriend"....I am not one of those people. I think its cute, and I prefer it because you get past all the awkward bullshit in the beginning.
I dislike the color yellow greatly, especially on cars and houses.
I have no problem hitting a woman who deserves it, or who tries to hit me. Bitch dont step to me Im a big fag, Ill hit you.
I hate violence and wish I never had to resort to it.
Roller Derby is the ONLY sport that I like outside of gymnastics.
Some members of my family make me nervous for no apparent reason.
I befriend easily, do not let go of friendships easily, but once your gone, your GONE.
More to come, if you care to know more about me. :-)
Moving on I know that there are a lot of people who LOVE the gay piece. The piece of me who likes boys. Naturally I run with it, because what else can I do, Im gay and that isn't going to change. There are people who like Humor piece. I must say I am partial to that one too, because I tend to crack myself up far more than I do others. Some people like the Thinker piece, these are the people like Zara, Katie, Sherri, Tim, Jill, and Jessica...the people who value my opinion and are always genuinely interested in my thoughts on various topics.
Then there are those who like the Physical Piece. Why they like the big hairy "bearish" Physical piece is a mystery to me, I wouldn't want to "do" me...but far be for me to poo on the opinions of others. The way I see it, GOD SAVE THE CHASERS!!!! There need to be more cuz I do firmly believe that big can be beautiful. And let's be honest, if there weren't Chubby Chasers and Bear Chasers i n the world, I would never get laid and I would never have known love. So more power to them!
As I sat in my car thinking about all these different things, I realized two things... ONE: I wasn't paying attention and was not only traveling at 94 MPH, but that I had passed my freeway offramp....and the TWO...there is a whole lot more to me than my physique, my humor and my sexuality. I was immediately offended at every person I have ever met because how dare they think have such a shallow view of me!!!
That thought was also short lived. I only have amazing people in my life, otherwise they wouldn't BE in my life. Then it dawned on me. One major problem with society in general, is that they have the most difficult time turning their scrutiny inward. Sure its easy when you don't like your body to scrutinize yourself, but do it for who you are...not what you look like. Yeah not so easy is it? Didn't think so. This would be the reason why I tell people who say "oh Ive been through all these relationships, and I always do the same thing, try to give it my all, and I always end up single..." As with my ex, maybe its NOT THEM. Have you thought that maybe you convince yourself that you are perfect but in actuality you are just as guilty as your boyfriend is for fucking up the relationship?? HELLO TURN INWARD.
But I digress...
I turned inward and thought "Well maybe this is all alot of people know because that is all I show them."
So I decided to make a quick list of things that make me who I am, and why I am the Unique homo, whose blog you return to so very often.(I love you all for that b-t-dubs.)
They are not in any specific order:
I like to Sew.
I love sushi but not the raw stuff.
Im Sicilian, Irish, Scottish, British, Cherokee Indian, German and Norwegian.
I have awful skin, but do what I can to survive with it.
I am a cancer survivor...well, skin cancer, but whatever, its cancer and I survived it!
I may have grown up in Camarillo, but I did not have an upper middle class suburban day dream life.
Not all people in Camarillo are closed minded idiots with minivans and lots of money.
I was rasied by the strongest and greatest single mother ever to walk the Earth.
I'm a total momma's boy.
I have issues with my father, and the way he abandoned me almost 2 years ago.
I hate that I have "baggage"
I have only truly been in love once.
I like most kinds of music, and have no problem telling you if YOUR music, is one that I DONT like.
I have little to no patience for people who "waste" their minds and their lives.
I have a freaky side.
Im no Angel.
Im no Devil either.
Some people freak out when the person they are seeing says after 2 dates "I want to be with you, and be your boyfriend"....I am not one of those people. I think its cute, and I prefer it because you get past all the awkward bullshit in the beginning.
I dislike the color yellow greatly, especially on cars and houses.
I have no problem hitting a woman who deserves it, or who tries to hit me. Bitch dont step to me Im a big fag, Ill hit you.
I hate violence and wish I never had to resort to it.
Roller Derby is the ONLY sport that I like outside of gymnastics.
Some members of my family make me nervous for no apparent reason.
I befriend easily, do not let go of friendships easily, but once your gone, your GONE.
More to come, if you care to know more about me. :-)
All Hallows Eve
Well, this year has been a trip and a half...but I am so happy to report that I have been on a (for the most part) upward swing! Im workin my ass off to make sure it stays that way!
Im talking to a guy...who is...WOW...so cute. I cant even handle how cute he is...OMG.
New car that I love, job Im finally no longer a temp for, new music, new friends that I love, new money ventures, Im starting new hobbies and projects and ideas, this year is amazing. Thank you 2008 for rocking my world. Lets hope 09 is better!!
Here are some funnys to hold you over until I get a chance to REALLY entertain you like I used to. :-)
I know they are comfortable...but Crocs...are ugly...and Kitteh agrees with me:
The force is stroll with this one:
aren't I just the cutest big ol Country Bumpkin you ever did see?
I love Halloween...I get to dress up as the kind of white trash that I spend so much time making fun of!!
P.S. please dont be offended by the shirt, i know some of you might, but anyone who KNOWS ME knows that I mean no harm.
Besides...*giggle* Its funny cuz is blasphemous.
PEACE OUT BITCHES!!! VOTE NO ON 8
Im talking to a guy...who is...WOW...so cute. I cant even handle how cute he is...OMG.
New car that I love, job Im finally no longer a temp for, new music, new friends that I love, new money ventures, Im starting new hobbies and projects and ideas, this year is amazing. Thank you 2008 for rocking my world. Lets hope 09 is better!!
Here are some funnys to hold you over until I get a chance to REALLY entertain you like I used to. :-)
I know they are comfortable...but Crocs...are ugly...and Kitteh agrees with me:
The force is stroll with this one:
aren't I just the cutest big ol Country Bumpkin you ever did see?
I love Halloween...I get to dress up as the kind of white trash that I spend so much time making fun of!!
P.S. please dont be offended by the shirt, i know some of you might, but anyone who KNOWS ME knows that I mean no harm.
Besides...*giggle* Its funny cuz is blasphemous.
PEACE OUT BITCHES!!! VOTE NO ON 8
October 29, 2008
Cruel Parents
No Joke, he is a customer of ours, his name is Rusty Butz!!
What the fuck were his parents thinking? If your last name is Butz, you do NOT choose a first name that can be shortened to an ADJECTIVE. Rusty, Harry, names of this sort should be forbidden!!
Other people whose parent obviously hated them:
Dick Butkus
Harry Peters
Sunshine Rain
Harry Bonner
Amanda Bottom
Yes these are all customers of my company...well except Dick Butkus...he is some goober from the nfl. HAHAHA butt kiss.
What the fuck were his parents thinking? If your last name is Butz, you do NOT choose a first name that can be shortened to an ADJECTIVE. Rusty, Harry, names of this sort should be forbidden!!
Other people whose parent obviously hated them:
Dick Butkus
Harry Peters
Sunshine Rain
Harry Bonner
Amanda Bottom
Yes these are all customers of my company...well except Dick Butkus...he is some goober from the nfl. HAHAHA butt kiss.
Juxtaposition FAIL
I heart FailBlog.org So much funny failing.
I saw this and thought it was funny as shit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I saw this and thought it was funny as shit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Funny Quote
I think Jill told this to Tim and Tim told me....either way its freaking funny.
"Sometimes, Love conquers Ugly."
Here are a few quotes I have used over the past few years:
"Ew, your face."
"Fuck diamonds, a FAG is a girls best friend."
"If you can't grow it, SEW IT."
"OMG STFU."
"Skinny Bitches are EVIL baby, and they need to be DESTROYED."
"It's not that I'm anti-social...I just don't like you."
"All men are dogs, some are poodles, some are dobermans, but we're all dogs."
yes this post was random...but whatever. your face is random. so there.
"Sometimes, Love conquers Ugly."
Here are a few quotes I have used over the past few years:
"Ew, your face."
"Fuck diamonds, a FAG is a girls best friend."
"If you can't grow it, SEW IT."
"OMG STFU."
"Skinny Bitches are EVIL baby, and they need to be DESTROYED."
"It's not that I'm anti-social...I just don't like you."
"All men are dogs, some are poodles, some are dobermans, but we're all dogs."
yes this post was random...but whatever. your face is random. so there.
October 27, 2008
Viva La Musica
This is a list of the songs that are making me dance around my apartment like a fool:
1. Kirsty McColl - "In These Shoes"
2. Baby Face - "There She Goes"
3. Kelis - "Caught Out There"
4. Miranda Lambert - "Gunpowder & Lead"
5. Quietdrive - "Rise From the Ashes"
6. AFI - "Miss Murder"
sorry there are only 6... but whatever. If you havent heard them, give them a listen and download if you so desire.
No they are not all current music...actually....none of it is current music LOL but whatever. Hope you like them. BTDubs...if you know of anything you think I might like to listen to, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!! IM A MUSIC JUNKIE!!!! Im forever looking for cool artists and songs. Im one of these people who doesnt really care who sings it, if its a good song, Ill listen to it....EXCEPT...I will never listen to:
Jack Black
Paris Hilton
Heidi Montag
anything that is ugly mean or that they yell and growl so loud that you can understand what they are saying...I wont bother.
ANYTHING ELSE...gimme a shout, either as a comment, or send an email to GuacamoleJim@gmail.com
PEACE OUT BITCHES!!!!!!!!
1. Kirsty McColl - "In These Shoes"
2. Baby Face - "There She Goes"
3. Kelis - "Caught Out There"
4. Miranda Lambert - "Gunpowder & Lead"
5. Quietdrive - "Rise From the Ashes"
6. AFI - "Miss Murder"
sorry there are only 6... but whatever. If you havent heard them, give them a listen and download if you so desire.
No they are not all current music...actually....none of it is current music LOL but whatever. Hope you like them. BTDubs...if you know of anything you think I might like to listen to, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!! IM A MUSIC JUNKIE!!!! Im forever looking for cool artists and songs. Im one of these people who doesnt really care who sings it, if its a good song, Ill listen to it....EXCEPT...I will never listen to:
Jack Black
Paris Hilton
Heidi Montag
anything that is ugly mean or that they yell and growl so loud that you can understand what they are saying...I wont bother.
ANYTHING ELSE...gimme a shout, either as a comment, or send an email to GuacamoleJim@gmail.com
PEACE OUT BITCHES!!!!!!!!
I think I will call mine....
Isle of Andru...or something to that effect. CHECK THIS OUT:
A Florida couple decides to secede from the US, of course they secede without any legal recognition, thus making them not only crazy, but stupid. However, they seem to be getting away with it...for now anyway, so I was thinking, if Prop 8 passes, the gays and those who support equal rights should gather in one large location (I suggest San Francisco because they have great homes and apartments....and its practically gay central already) and then secede! BECOME OUR OWN NATION!!! So that gays from all over the world can come and get married. BOOM fuck you Californian H8RS!!!!!
Here is the Article:
Apparently not knowing that their entire state tried this about 150 years ago, and that it turned out badly, Florida couple Joel and Donna Brinkle have declared themselves independent and claim they are not subject to the authority of the United States government, or any other government, for that matter.
It was unclear whether Joel considers himself subject to the authority of Donna, and/or vice-versa.
Surprisingly, for the most part their claim of independence involves not wanting to pay taxes, which the Brinkles have not done since the 1990s. The government remains fairly touchy about this kind of thing, however, and both the IRS and state officials have pursued them for the unpaid amounts. Now the Brinkles are in more trouble because, acting under their self-declared sovereign authority, they have been filing liens against people they say have wronged them. The liens don’t have any direct effect, but they can cause problems for the subject, who, for example, may not be able to sell a home until the lien is removed. Over the past six years, the Brinkles have filed dozens of liens against everyone from a tow company to Bill Clinton to (in an especially ill-advised tactic) the chief judge of the local judicial circuit.
Independence also frees the Brinkles from the need to get a drivers’ license, but the government keeps arresting Joel Brinkle for not having one. Chief Judge Simmons found there was probable cause for one of those arrests, and a month later he had a lien on his house. Florida’s attorney general has now gotten involved, suing the Brinkles for fraud and harassment and seeking to ban them from filing any more liens without first getting court permission to do so. (If the case ends up before Judge Simmons, I would advise trying to change the venue.)
Being independent has other benefits, too, like as the ability to print your own money. Although they live on Social Security (which they get from the federal government they don’t recognize), in February the Brinkles made an offer on a $700,000 house. The developer was probably expecting to get United States money, but instead was presented with a money order hand-printed in the Land of Brinkle. He didn’t accept it, but Donna Brinkle (a former court clerk) recorded the sale anyway. As head of her own sovereign country, she said, she has the right to create her own monetary system. A judge disagreed, and soon had a lien on his stuff, too.
Despite the rather dramatic lack of success of this scheme, a lesson they could have learned from Wesley Snipes, among others, the Brinkles are not giving up. “All we lack,” Donna said, “is someone with a bigger stick than they have in Seminole County.” Again, folks, that would be the federal government you don’t recognize, unless you are hoping to get the British to intervene on your behalf.
A Florida couple decides to secede from the US, of course they secede without any legal recognition, thus making them not only crazy, but stupid. However, they seem to be getting away with it...for now anyway, so I was thinking, if Prop 8 passes, the gays and those who support equal rights should gather in one large location (I suggest San Francisco because they have great homes and apartments....and its practically gay central already) and then secede! BECOME OUR OWN NATION!!! So that gays from all over the world can come and get married. BOOM fuck you Californian H8RS!!!!!
Here is the Article:
Apparently not knowing that their entire state tried this about 150 years ago, and that it turned out badly, Florida couple Joel and Donna Brinkle have declared themselves independent and claim they are not subject to the authority of the United States government, or any other government, for that matter.
It was unclear whether Joel considers himself subject to the authority of Donna, and/or vice-versa.
Surprisingly, for the most part their claim of independence involves not wanting to pay taxes, which the Brinkles have not done since the 1990s. The government remains fairly touchy about this kind of thing, however, and both the IRS and state officials have pursued them for the unpaid amounts. Now the Brinkles are in more trouble because, acting under their self-declared sovereign authority, they have been filing liens against people they say have wronged them. The liens don’t have any direct effect, but they can cause problems for the subject, who, for example, may not be able to sell a home until the lien is removed. Over the past six years, the Brinkles have filed dozens of liens against everyone from a tow company to Bill Clinton to (in an especially ill-advised tactic) the chief judge of the local judicial circuit.
Independence also frees the Brinkles from the need to get a drivers’ license, but the government keeps arresting Joel Brinkle for not having one. Chief Judge Simmons found there was probable cause for one of those arrests, and a month later he had a lien on his house. Florida’s attorney general has now gotten involved, suing the Brinkles for fraud and harassment and seeking to ban them from filing any more liens without first getting court permission to do so. (If the case ends up before Judge Simmons, I would advise trying to change the venue.)
Being independent has other benefits, too, like as the ability to print your own money. Although they live on Social Security (which they get from the federal government they don’t recognize), in February the Brinkles made an offer on a $700,000 house. The developer was probably expecting to get United States money, but instead was presented with a money order hand-printed in the Land of Brinkle. He didn’t accept it, but Donna Brinkle (a former court clerk) recorded the sale anyway. As head of her own sovereign country, she said, she has the right to create her own monetary system. A judge disagreed, and soon had a lien on his stuff, too.
Despite the rather dramatic lack of success of this scheme, a lesson they could have learned from Wesley Snipes, among others, the Brinkles are not giving up. “All we lack,” Donna said, “is someone with a bigger stick than they have in Seminole County.” Again, folks, that would be the federal government you don’t recognize, unless you are hoping to get the British to intervene on your behalf.
October 24, 2008
Actual Work Conversation #2 (double header)
(sales guy who I've talked to many times, named Mike G.)
Mike G: "Whats up Andru?"
Me: "Not much Mike, just kickin back with my mai tai poolside..."
Mike G: "NICE!! I didnt know you have the office phone calls forwarded...do you have a pool at home?"
Me: "........*blink*.....not very bright are you Mike.... OH I hear you have a myspace page?"
Mike G: "yeah bro, its myspace.com/******* check it out real quick I can hold."
Me: "um, ok....**checking website, reading profile**... ok saw it."
Mike G: "cool, hey can you help me with something?"
Me: "Nope, I can't."
Mike G: "Why not?"
Me: "because according to your myspace page, you are a self described 'vaginatarian' and that sickens me cuz you aren;t even good looking enough to pull off such a joke without it being offensive...or even it being very believable."
Mike G: "....uhh...haha are you serious bro??? hahaha"
Me: "I'm sorry...what was that? I dont speak Pig...you should call back and ask for a translator. See ya."
*click*
This has been an actual work conversation.
Mike G: "Whats up Andru?"
Me: "Not much Mike, just kickin back with my mai tai poolside..."
Mike G: "NICE!! I didnt know you have the office phone calls forwarded...do you have a pool at home?"
Me: "........*blink*.....not very bright are you Mike.... OH I hear you have a myspace page?"
Mike G: "yeah bro, its myspace.com/******* check it out real quick I can hold."
Me: "um, ok....**checking website, reading profile**... ok saw it."
Mike G: "cool, hey can you help me with something?"
Me: "Nope, I can't."
Mike G: "Why not?"
Me: "because according to your myspace page, you are a self described 'vaginatarian' and that sickens me cuz you aren;t even good looking enough to pull off such a joke without it being offensive...or even it being very believable."
Mike G: "....uhh...haha are you serious bro??? hahaha"
Me: "I'm sorry...what was that? I dont speak Pig...you should call back and ask for a translator. See ya."
*click*
This has been an actual work conversation.
Actual Work Conversation
Steve: "Alright, please put me at 'no more calls' for the day..."
Me: "who are you trying to kid Steve, no one WANTS to call you...we are required to cuz it's our job."
Steve: "...ouch, thanks Andru"
Me: "You're welcome! kisses." *Click*
This has been an actual work conversation.
Me: "who are you trying to kid Steve, no one WANTS to call you...we are required to cuz it's our job."
Steve: "...ouch, thanks Andru"
Me: "You're welcome! kisses." *Click*
This has been an actual work conversation.
October 23, 2008
Why I love MySpace Award Center
This guy/girl/ whoever, is freaking funny and yet, brave. This is his most recent blog.
"In California there is a measure on the ballot to make gay marriage once and for all illegal in the state. Prop 8 it's called, advertises that gay marriage would be taught in schools. Use children as a scare tactic, it works very effectively.
Anyway, what ever. Hate gay people if you want to. Live in fear of life, that's your business.
But, I think if this measure passes, and cancels out all of the recent marriages, that Ellen should tell America to kiss her ass and quit her show.
What a slap in the face. WE LOVE YOU ELLEN! Oh you're so funny! But fuck you and your gay marriage.
All gay people need to start shutting shit down. Gay people should interview people before providing them their God given talents.
If you have gay friends and you're supporting an anti gay marriage measure then you're a pile. "
yeah.....PILE.
"In California there is a measure on the ballot to make gay marriage once and for all illegal in the state. Prop 8 it's called, advertises that gay marriage would be taught in schools. Use children as a scare tactic, it works very effectively.
Anyway, what ever. Hate gay people if you want to. Live in fear of life, that's your business.
But, I think if this measure passes, and cancels out all of the recent marriages, that Ellen should tell America to kiss her ass and quit her show.
What a slap in the face. WE LOVE YOU ELLEN! Oh you're so funny! But fuck you and your gay marriage.
All gay people need to start shutting shit down. Gay people should interview people before providing them their God given talents.
If you have gay friends and you're supporting an anti gay marriage measure then you're a pile. "
yeah.....PILE.
Douche-Baggery: Explained by Science
There are men whose very appearance can compel you to turn your head in disgust, muttering the word "douche" in a long whisper. They're flexing in their skin-tight t-shirt, invading women's personal space at the bar and going on and on about their goddamn promotion or over-sized truck.
For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag?" science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question.
#5.
The Egocentric Douchebag
The child who screams "Look at me! Look at me!" is all grown up and he can't wait to tell you about himself. You want to talk about the football game last night? He'll talk about how he quarterbacked his high school football team to the state championships. Wondering about a good place to grab a bite to eat? He'll tell you he can make reservations anywhere because he's the man. Concerned about poverty in Africa? Why the fuck do you care! This dude has banged like twenty models! Seriously, you're talking to a legend, and he'll be the first to remind you of this fact.
The Disorder:
Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. The disorder is characterized as an overwhelming desire to be noticed and willingness to engage in any attention-seeking behavior. This was the kid who was the first to jump off the high dive--if there was an audience to watch him.
These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. Those with HDP have a self-esteem that is dependent on the approval of others and they posses no clear concept of self worth. They're way more likely to lash out at criticism or disapproval than they should be. They'll flirt with anyone, any time. They tend to mistake any attention as sexual attraction ("I'm tellin' ya, she totally wants me, bro"). Their opinions are easily influenced by others, and they find it difficult to support them if pressed for details. They travel in packs...ugly packs.
The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thus, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.
#4.
The Weightlifting Douchebag
The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, I don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in my hands and watching my body turn to dough.
The Disorder:
Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". This mental illness is seen as a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe.
Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goal for some young men. They carry the notion of always being too "small" and "thin" into their adult years, after they've become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. Media has also had its impact, parading images of perfect pecs and washboard abs. Who honestly thinks that stuff is attractive? Seriously.
Alright, even I can admit that the occasional push-up, or marathon 25 turn Mario Party session on Wii can help you feel better, but for these men it's never enough. In 2000, researchers discovered a man who abstained from sex with his wife in order to focus all his energy on working out.
If you are worried you may have bigorexia ask yourself a few simple questions; How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror since starting this article? Do you think that Carrot Top "looks good but could use some work on his delts"? Does your desire for a ripped body make you act like a total douchebag?
#3.
The Drunken Douchebag
This heavy-drinking ass stumbles around parties, slobbering on strangers and telling people how buzzed he is... after two beers. Later in the night, after he's polished off his second six-pack, he'll tell you he's cool to drive home, just after he finishes pissing on your living room couch. This guy never seems to know where he's at on the sobriety scale, although on the douche scale he's always a perfect 10.
The Disorder:
This guy displays signs of what is known as the Mallenby effect. Basically, this causes a person to overestimate the effects of alcohol during the first few drinks (called the "absorption phase" by people who study drunkenness) and will underestimate them later in the night (during the "elimination phase"). If you want to see this concept in action, buy a lot of nonalcoholic beer for a party full of teenagers. If drinking with teens isn't your thing (and legally it shouldn't be anyone's "thing") then check out most college frat parties where the masses will start screaming "WHOO!!!" within the first 15 minutes that the keg is tapped, long before their system has actually had the chance to absorb any alcohol into the blood stream.
Later, the same people will physically display all signs of being drunk, but will claim to be sharp as a tack, because, as they'll tell you, they drink so much that it, like, would totally take all the booze in this place to get them drunk. Then they'll plow their Mustang or Ranger or Silverado into a drainage ditch and take a swing at a cop.
#2.
The Raging Douchebag
Don't step on his shoes, don't make incidental eye contact and don't talk to his girlfriend. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, don't talk to any girls because they could be his girlfriend, someday. It doesn't take a whole lot to set this type of guy off, and after he's pissed, screaming and swinging you'll wish you'd actually done something worthy of such a tantrum.
He's easy to pick out in a crowd, there'll be one man yelling while everyone else in the crowd exchanges confused glances along with sympathetic shrugging shoulders. He's the screaming one, the one trying to finish an imaginary fight with a person who didn't start it. A douche that can't be ignored.
The Disorder:
This is a classic case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. This guy is a time bomb, and nobody can see the timer but him--he can go off at any moment. Although his aggression normally isn't life threatening, it's really fucking irritating. Medically diagnosed IED is defined as a behavioral disorder characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive and violent outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation. Wearing a sleeveless rayon body vest while stinking like Axe body spray is common but unfortunately correlation does not equal causation.
A 2006 study by the National Institute of Mental Health has determined the condition to be more prevalent than previously thought, affecting around 2 out of every 25 adult Americans, most commonly seen in male youths. How the researches went about collecting data is not disclosed, though we hope they ruined many a striped shirt on nickel-beer-night while gathering subjects' reactions.
Cases of road rage, domestic abuse and destruction of property usually involve one or more parties with the disorder. Often those with IED will feel a great deal of regret or remorse if bodily harm or destruction of personal possessions occurs. It's uncertain if the same remorse is felt after chewing out a waitress for forgetting to refill a water glass, though the spit and pubes now hidden in the rest of their meal may balance out the situation.
This disorder can become a severe disruption in the lives of the afflicted but medications can be prescribed to help alleviate anger impulses. I am not licensed to give medical advice here, but if I were, I'd suggest taking muscle relaxers, washed down with your favorite liquor, to help calm the nerves. Now go warm up in a hot tub and feel those angry thoughts drift away.
#1.
The Aging Douchebag
It seems no matter where you go there's a grumpy asshole making things awkward for everybody. He'll bitch about why his coupons aren't scanning at the checkout. He'll complain when someone has an accent while in America. And that goddamn hip-hop is always too loud! He won't hesitate to tell you about how much better things were in the past, before the whole world turned against him.
The Disorder:
This man is suffering from what is known as andropause or "male menopause." (Manopause if you will) It's a frustrated state accompanied by anxiety and anger resulting from a lack of testosterone, the production of which diminishes in midlife. The term "male menopause" can also be used as an early detection method, since most men with IMS will hear this term and respond with a loud grunt while shouting about "New Age psychobabble bullshit."
The onset of this disorder is common at ages 40 to 55 but may happen as early as 35 or as late as 65. Although, a definite age is difficult to pinpoint if the male in question has been a prick their whole life.
The development of IMS is also dependent on environmental factors associated with stress, such as uncertain financial security, strained personal relationships and whatever happens to be wrong with kids these days. The physical symptoms (which can include loss of sex drive, loss of physical strength and increase in body fat) only exasperate the sense of frustration and nervousness and increases behaviors that society classifies as douchebaggery.
There are free tests and screenings available online to check for IMS, but if you already have it, you probably think the internet is a waste of time for freaks and perverts.
For all the times you've muttered, "What's the deal with that douchebag?" science has actually taken the time to answer what was probably a rhetorical question.
#5.
The Egocentric Douchebag
The child who screams "Look at me! Look at me!" is all grown up and he can't wait to tell you about himself. You want to talk about the football game last night? He'll talk about how he quarterbacked his high school football team to the state championships. Wondering about a good place to grab a bite to eat? He'll tell you he can make reservations anywhere because he's the man. Concerned about poverty in Africa? Why the fuck do you care! This dude has banged like twenty models! Seriously, you're talking to a legend, and he'll be the first to remind you of this fact.
The Disorder:
Histrionic Personality Disorder or HDP. The disorder is characterized as an overwhelming desire to be noticed and willingness to engage in any attention-seeking behavior. This was the kid who was the first to jump off the high dive--if there was an audience to watch him.
These drama-queens know all the world's a stage, and they have been cast for lead role of MacD'bag. Those with HDP have a self-esteem that is dependent on the approval of others and they posses no clear concept of self worth. They're way more likely to lash out at criticism or disapproval than they should be. They'll flirt with anyone, any time. They tend to mistake any attention as sexual attraction ("I'm tellin' ya, she totally wants me, bro"). Their opinions are easily influenced by others, and they find it difficult to support them if pressed for details. They travel in packs...ugly packs.
The disease is not socially debilitating, since most sufferers maintain good networking skills, but they manipulate these relationships in a way that brings notice only to themselves. Thus, sufferers of the disease tend to pass their suffering onto us.
#4.
The Weightlifting Douchebag
The only thing this man loves more than his own reflection is sleeveless t-shirts. Sure, we all wouldn't mind toning up or putting on some muscle, but this guy's artificially tanned muscles are his full-time job. After hearing the guy go on about it for 20 minutes or so, I don't feel so bad for putting a video game controller in my hands and watching my body turn to dough.
The Disorder:
Muscle Dysmorphia or what is commonly referred to as "Bigorexia". This mental illness is seen as a male inverse of anorexia, except this disease lands you in a sideshow for freaks instead of the fashion runway (Yes, we know not all top models are anorexics. Some just do coke). Researches believe that the roots of both self-perception disorders come in early adolescences. While girls are dreaming of lounging poolside in Barbie's dream house, men want to be tearing down Cobra's infantry as a G.I. Joe.
Seeing the sculpted action figures sets up an unattainable goal for some young men. They carry the notion of always being too "small" and "thin" into their adult years, after they've become rippling man-beasts. Let's all take a minute to thank the parents of these impressionable youths for going Joe instead of Ninja Turtles, or our society may presently be plagued with mutant reptilian half-breeds roaming the sewers. Media has also had its impact, parading images of perfect pecs and washboard abs. Who honestly thinks that stuff is attractive? Seriously.
Alright, even I can admit that the occasional push-up, or marathon 25 turn Mario Party session on Wii can help you feel better, but for these men it's never enough. In 2000, researchers discovered a man who abstained from sex with his wife in order to focus all his energy on working out.
If you are worried you may have bigorexia ask yourself a few simple questions; How many times have you looked at yourself in the mirror since starting this article? Do you think that Carrot Top "looks good but could use some work on his delts"? Does your desire for a ripped body make you act like a total douchebag?
#3.
The Drunken Douchebag
This heavy-drinking ass stumbles around parties, slobbering on strangers and telling people how buzzed he is... after two beers. Later in the night, after he's polished off his second six-pack, he'll tell you he's cool to drive home, just after he finishes pissing on your living room couch. This guy never seems to know where he's at on the sobriety scale, although on the douche scale he's always a perfect 10.
The Disorder:
This guy displays signs of what is known as the Mallenby effect. Basically, this causes a person to overestimate the effects of alcohol during the first few drinks (called the "absorption phase" by people who study drunkenness) and will underestimate them later in the night (during the "elimination phase"). If you want to see this concept in action, buy a lot of nonalcoholic beer for a party full of teenagers. If drinking with teens isn't your thing (and legally it shouldn't be anyone's "thing") then check out most college frat parties where the masses will start screaming "WHOO!!!" within the first 15 minutes that the keg is tapped, long before their system has actually had the chance to absorb any alcohol into the blood stream.
Later, the same people will physically display all signs of being drunk, but will claim to be sharp as a tack, because, as they'll tell you, they drink so much that it, like, would totally take all the booze in this place to get them drunk. Then they'll plow their Mustang or Ranger or Silverado into a drainage ditch and take a swing at a cop.
#2.
The Raging Douchebag
Don't step on his shoes, don't make incidental eye contact and don't talk to his girlfriend. If he doesn't have a girlfriend, don't talk to any girls because they could be his girlfriend, someday. It doesn't take a whole lot to set this type of guy off, and after he's pissed, screaming and swinging you'll wish you'd actually done something worthy of such a tantrum.
He's easy to pick out in a crowd, there'll be one man yelling while everyone else in the crowd exchanges confused glances along with sympathetic shrugging shoulders. He's the screaming one, the one trying to finish an imaginary fight with a person who didn't start it. A douche that can't be ignored.
The Disorder:
This is a classic case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder or IED. This guy is a time bomb, and nobody can see the timer but him--he can go off at any moment. Although his aggression normally isn't life threatening, it's really fucking irritating. Medically diagnosed IED is defined as a behavioral disorder characterized by repeated episodes of aggressive and violent outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation. Wearing a sleeveless rayon body vest while stinking like Axe body spray is common but unfortunately correlation does not equal causation.
A 2006 study by the National Institute of Mental Health has determined the condition to be more prevalent than previously thought, affecting around 2 out of every 25 adult Americans, most commonly seen in male youths. How the researches went about collecting data is not disclosed, though we hope they ruined many a striped shirt on nickel-beer-night while gathering subjects' reactions.
Cases of road rage, domestic abuse and destruction of property usually involve one or more parties with the disorder. Often those with IED will feel a great deal of regret or remorse if bodily harm or destruction of personal possessions occurs. It's uncertain if the same remorse is felt after chewing out a waitress for forgetting to refill a water glass, though the spit and pubes now hidden in the rest of their meal may balance out the situation.
This disorder can become a severe disruption in the lives of the afflicted but medications can be prescribed to help alleviate anger impulses. I am not licensed to give medical advice here, but if I were, I'd suggest taking muscle relaxers, washed down with your favorite liquor, to help calm the nerves. Now go warm up in a hot tub and feel those angry thoughts drift away.
#1.
The Aging Douchebag
It seems no matter where you go there's a grumpy asshole making things awkward for everybody. He'll bitch about why his coupons aren't scanning at the checkout. He'll complain when someone has an accent while in America. And that goddamn hip-hop is always too loud! He won't hesitate to tell you about how much better things were in the past, before the whole world turned against him.
The Disorder:
This man is suffering from what is known as andropause or "male menopause." (Manopause if you will) It's a frustrated state accompanied by anxiety and anger resulting from a lack of testosterone, the production of which diminishes in midlife. The term "male menopause" can also be used as an early detection method, since most men with IMS will hear this term and respond with a loud grunt while shouting about "New Age psychobabble bullshit."
The onset of this disorder is common at ages 40 to 55 but may happen as early as 35 or as late as 65. Although, a definite age is difficult to pinpoint if the male in question has been a prick their whole life.
The development of IMS is also dependent on environmental factors associated with stress, such as uncertain financial security, strained personal relationships and whatever happens to be wrong with kids these days. The physical symptoms (which can include loss of sex drive, loss of physical strength and increase in body fat) only exasperate the sense of frustration and nervousness and increases behaviors that society classifies as douchebaggery.
There are free tests and screenings available online to check for IMS, but if you already have it, you probably think the internet is a waste of time for freaks and perverts.
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