*sigh* If I keep getting thrown into drama, Im gonna start cutting people out of my life. I am fucking 30 years old, I do not have the patience to be dealing with childish, passive aggressive, petty bullshit drama. I am not in high school. I am also sick of being treated like I'm beneath people. If you can't treat me equally, like an adult, and like a friend, then you obviously are not a friend and you can see yourself out of my life. Peace the FUCK OUT.
Im trying so hard to find balance and inner peace with my life, and to let go of the turmoil and the petty dramas...I am trying to treat my friends with the same respect I deserve to be treated with, I am trying to be an honest and truthful person, who can be trusted and more importantly, be taken seriously....because for so long, I wasn't taken seriously, or treated fairly...and Im done.
Yes a big part of this blog is me venting... yes Im sure I will feel better after this is written and even better still tomorrow....but right now, right this second, I feel betrayed. I am not naming names because that would be petty and childish, and Im sure there is one person in particular who will read this and probably assume it is about him...and to him I say: "S...its not about you, relax."
Lemme ask you few and beloved readers of mine....when will I be taken seriously? What is it going to take for people to respect that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions without needing anyones approval or consent? When will I be seen as smart enough to make my own decisions, cuz here I am, 30 years old...and still every decision I make, every thought I share...is picked apart, ridiculed, judged, and discounted.
I don't appreciate it. Maybe from now on I just won't share any more. Maybe I will keep every single thing to myself.
January 14, 2011
January 6, 2011
I broke a fucking nail.
I know it sounds trivial and super gay but its true and its pissing me off. My right middle finger nail is chipped and broken and I dont even know how I did it.
Things havent changed much. Im a poverty individual, broke all the time, and overworked and underpaid.
But Im not depressed. My HS is going nuts and Im in pain...but still, im not in an all together bad mood. its weird. Im actually kind of okay. I had a good new years... OMG can I just tell you...
So new years eve, i got a little drunky and this guy who is bi and who has had a weird time dealing with it....kissed me. Well my friend A got all mad because she has been fucking him. Now look, i understand she was made cuz we kissed in her house... but that's where the party was A, and B..it was a drunken new years kiss and YOURE JUST FUCKING HIM... there is no relationship, and I heard that from her mouth. Anyway...so then it becomes a respect issue and she threw "the girl/bro/friend" code at me and Im like...uhh... thats a joke. We arent 15 yrs old. You aren't his girl friend, stop acting like you dont care. She said that if I wanted to mess around with him somewhere else thats fine, but not in her house.
once again, it was JUST a kiss. And please, you wanna act like it wouldnt bother you? LIES.... HERESY AND LIES. I KNOW she would have been just as pissed off had he and I kissed in her house or three counties away, i know this because she threw the girl code bullshit at me. So this boils down to her being jealous because the guy she is fucking, for one night, didnt want her. he wanted me. He even spent the night there with her and they didnt have sex!! NEWS FLASH GIRL... DONT DATE/OR GET ATTACHED TO BISEXUAL MEN. And cut the shit, you dont get to jealous and controlling of who he kisses unless he is your boyfriend, and he isnt.
I apologized sincerely to her because she was super upset and making this into some big ol' drama...talking to our mutual friends about it....and didnt even talk to me like an adult about it either, she came at me with attitude and drama. I simply replied to her bluntly and truthfully. Yes I am sorry that I hurt my friends feelings, but frankly, she is making a MUCH bigger deal out of this that it needs to be, she is completely over reacting, and I think the whole thing is so juvenile. But, as frustrating as this is for me, and as badly as I needed to vent.... I can understand where she is coming from. Amoungst the overreacting...she had a valid point. She apparently had "peed on that hydrant" for the evening, and when he approached me for the kiss, I didnt say no. so I understand why she is upset. But what bothers me is that she is making me out to he be bad friend, when the truth is, if she would just face her feelings for him, and quit trying to fool herself (cuz she aint foolin anyone else) then these types of situations wouldnt happen. It's like when you hit a pot hole and you have to have the allignment fixed in your car. Sure you get mad at the pot hole for being there... but you were the one driving. If you werent paying attention then its not entirely the pot hole's fault. (I am the pot hole, He is the car, she was the driver)
The whole thing is stupid and blown way out of proportion...but I guess that's what ya have to deal with when you have passive agressive behavior & ovaries.
Now she feels like "a trust has been broken and its going to take time to heal that trust." Another example of it being blown way out of proportion...but whatever makes her happy I guess. I said that I understand and left it at that.
There is a part of me that genuinely is trying to understand how my friend, whom I love dearly, is feeling.... but there's the rest of me that's like "Why is this such a huge deal? No one made it this huge a deal when One of my other friends was chasing after all the guys I had fucked!!!!" I guess because to me it was harmless meaningless kissing, I dont see what the big deal is. Well I apologized, thats all I can do. it's not my problem anymore. I want to keep her as a friend, I really do think highly of her, but I guess everyone is allowed to over react, just like everyone is allowed to do something stupid when theyre drunk.
Anyway, the NEXT day... I kissed Joseph. He is a friend of mine Ive known for a while and have had a crush on for a while, but he wasnt single...he was with the mother of his beautiful child.... now he is single...and embracing his bisexuality. I realize this sounds hypocritical from the previous paragraph but hear me out: Joseph knows, accepts, and embraces who he is. He is not confused, or figuring things out. He knows. I like that. I can live with that. and he is a REALLY GOOD KISSER.
Then sunday I kissed some random guy I hooked up with back in the day...cuz he was there and he kept saying i was sex and had a great smile. Nothing works as well as flattery. LOL
THATS my new year. I am impatiently waiting for my tax stuff so I can go online and turbo tax my refund. Mama needs a macbook. hahaha AND I get a 50 discount for being a university of phoenix student...so heeeey. AND i have a friend who has the hook up on all the best Apple software. My mac's gonna be PIMP.
OH and check this out yall.... I have decided that Im getting a new car in March. As usual I have multiple cars that I would be very happy with... and HERES THE LIST:
These are the "I will totally drive one if I can't get my first choice" list:
Nissan Xterra
VW Jetta
Honda Accord Coupe
Mazda CX7
there are a few others but here is what I have decided will be my NEW CAR... This is my first choice:
The 2011 Hyundai Elantra
It's so beautiful and sleek. I must have it.
OKAY Im out of shit to talk about. SEE YA!!!!
Things havent changed much. Im a poverty individual, broke all the time, and overworked and underpaid.
But Im not depressed. My HS is going nuts and Im in pain...but still, im not in an all together bad mood. its weird. Im actually kind of okay. I had a good new years... OMG can I just tell you...
So new years eve, i got a little drunky and this guy who is bi and who has had a weird time dealing with it....kissed me. Well my friend A got all mad because she has been fucking him. Now look, i understand she was made cuz we kissed in her house... but that's where the party was A, and B..it was a drunken new years kiss and YOURE JUST FUCKING HIM... there is no relationship, and I heard that from her mouth. Anyway...so then it becomes a respect issue and she threw "the girl/bro/friend" code at me and Im like...uhh... thats a joke. We arent 15 yrs old. You aren't his girl friend, stop acting like you dont care. She said that if I wanted to mess around with him somewhere else thats fine, but not in her house.
once again, it was JUST a kiss. And please, you wanna act like it wouldnt bother you? LIES.... HERESY AND LIES. I KNOW she would have been just as pissed off had he and I kissed in her house or three counties away, i know this because she threw the girl code bullshit at me. So this boils down to her being jealous because the guy she is fucking, for one night, didnt want her. he wanted me. He even spent the night there with her and they didnt have sex!! NEWS FLASH GIRL... DONT DATE/OR GET ATTACHED TO BISEXUAL MEN. And cut the shit, you dont get to jealous and controlling of who he kisses unless he is your boyfriend, and he isnt.
I apologized sincerely to her because she was super upset and making this into some big ol' drama...talking to our mutual friends about it....and didnt even talk to me like an adult about it either, she came at me with attitude and drama. I simply replied to her bluntly and truthfully. Yes I am sorry that I hurt my friends feelings, but frankly, she is making a MUCH bigger deal out of this that it needs to be, she is completely over reacting, and I think the whole thing is so juvenile. But, as frustrating as this is for me, and as badly as I needed to vent.... I can understand where she is coming from. Amoungst the overreacting...she had a valid point. She apparently had "peed on that hydrant" for the evening, and when he approached me for the kiss, I didnt say no. so I understand why she is upset. But what bothers me is that she is making me out to he be bad friend, when the truth is, if she would just face her feelings for him, and quit trying to fool herself (cuz she aint foolin anyone else) then these types of situations wouldnt happen. It's like when you hit a pot hole and you have to have the allignment fixed in your car. Sure you get mad at the pot hole for being there... but you were the one driving. If you werent paying attention then its not entirely the pot hole's fault. (I am the pot hole, He is the car, she was the driver)
The whole thing is stupid and blown way out of proportion...but I guess that's what ya have to deal with when you have passive agressive behavior & ovaries.
Now she feels like "a trust has been broken and its going to take time to heal that trust." Another example of it being blown way out of proportion...but whatever makes her happy I guess. I said that I understand and left it at that.
There is a part of me that genuinely is trying to understand how my friend, whom I love dearly, is feeling.... but there's the rest of me that's like "Why is this such a huge deal? No one made it this huge a deal when One of my other friends was chasing after all the guys I had fucked!!!!" I guess because to me it was harmless meaningless kissing, I dont see what the big deal is. Well I apologized, thats all I can do. it's not my problem anymore. I want to keep her as a friend, I really do think highly of her, but I guess everyone is allowed to over react, just like everyone is allowed to do something stupid when theyre drunk.
Anyway, the NEXT day... I kissed Joseph. He is a friend of mine Ive known for a while and have had a crush on for a while, but he wasnt single...he was with the mother of his beautiful child.... now he is single...and embracing his bisexuality. I realize this sounds hypocritical from the previous paragraph but hear me out: Joseph knows, accepts, and embraces who he is. He is not confused, or figuring things out. He knows. I like that. I can live with that. and he is a REALLY GOOD KISSER.
Then sunday I kissed some random guy I hooked up with back in the day...cuz he was there and he kept saying i was sex and had a great smile. Nothing works as well as flattery. LOL
THATS my new year. I am impatiently waiting for my tax stuff so I can go online and turbo tax my refund. Mama needs a macbook. hahaha AND I get a 50 discount for being a university of phoenix student...so heeeey. AND i have a friend who has the hook up on all the best Apple software. My mac's gonna be PIMP.
OH and check this out yall.... I have decided that Im getting a new car in March. As usual I have multiple cars that I would be very happy with... and HERES THE LIST:
These are the "I will totally drive one if I can't get my first choice" list:
Nissan Xterra
VW Jetta
Honda Accord Coupe
Mazda CX7
there are a few others but here is what I have decided will be my NEW CAR... This is my first choice:
The 2011 Hyundai Elantra
It's so beautiful and sleek. I must have it.
OKAY Im out of shit to talk about. SEE YA!!!!
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