foot??? awww. :-( boo less fun than my first thought. ;-)
Well, my spazzy random and wacky personality has made someone uneasy. Damnit, I hate that. I forget that my personality doesn't make sense to everyone. Never in a million years did I want make anyone uneasy or uncomfortable...well anyone i give a shit about, fuck the rest of yall. LOL
You know who you are, and I'm sorry. Remember that I am a random spazz for most, if not all 24 hours of the day, so not everything that spews from my mouth or fingers is meant to be taken literally.
Moving on...
Can I just tell you that I do NOT understand why I eat McDonalds Breakfast....ever. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it always SOUNDS like a good idea in my head...something like "mmmmm McMuffin....can has." Yet within an hour after eating, my stomach and digestive system, simultaneously say "NO CAN HAS!!" OMG and the worst part is, I KNOW THIS. I know my system hates McD's BFast...yet once or twice a month, there I am, in the drive-thru at 7:50AM, down the street from my office. WHY!?!?!?! I would probably have an easier time passing a stone than I would digesting their food.
I don't have any problem digesting their regular menu. Those BBQ Chipotle Chicken Snack Wraps are the SHIT. And I like to keep it O.G. and fuck up a big mac once in a while. No problem. But those damn McMuffins are razor blade for the digestive system....not to mention one GNARLY poo. I think Im gonna quit cold turkey. No more fast food bfast.
The worst part of it all is that Breakfast, is my favorite Genre of food! OMG If I am at a hotel, a casino, whatever and there is a breakfast buffet... sweet jesus-tap-dancing-christ, me at a breakfast buffet is like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. CARNAGE.
I have it perfected.
I've made it an art form. Start off with the light stuff, fruit, cottage cheese,croissant, juice. Second trip, move onto the heartier stuff, but don't over do it, you need to leave room for the 3rd trip.
Second round in the ring; this is where you do the Egg. Now this can be the most exciting endeavor you make at the buffet because, if you are at a buffet worth its salt, they will have egg options. Scrambles, build your own scrambles, an omelet station..oh yes. REMEMBER, this is where you want to introduce more dairy into your meal, don't ask me why, but it seems to help prepare your stomach for the most difficult and satisfying trip...#3.
We aren't done with trip 2 yet folks so don't go getting all excited yet. SO you get the egg of your choice (and if its just egg whites, don't come back to my table, I'll hit you.) With your egg, you introduce the protein, oh yes, steak, ham, sausage, bacon, whatever your choices are (I tend to go for the swine, cuz the swine is fine.) and your potato choice. The potato choice is very important, because the seasoning used on potatoes can effect your pallet, so make sure you know what you want for your third trip, and choose a potato accordingly. I tend to go for the hash browns. SO...egg, potato, and something sweet...a little dinky danish, or cream puff or something...this sweetness prepares your mouth for the GLORY that is...
Trip Three....the Carnival of Carbs.
Lets the Massacre begin.
This trip normally consists of Pancakes, Waffle, French Toast, or whatever they have, you can choose, mix and match, or have it all! I tend to mix and match depending on the mood I am in at the time. Mix and match is fun cuz you cover it all with the same sweet sticky maple syrupy goodness...so why not? This is also where you will want to do the half slice of toast with jam or jelly...don't ask me why, it just works. REMEMBER, if you are a milk drinker, now is the time to get a heaping jug or large glass of milk. To offset the heaviness of the carbs and the sweetness of the syrup. You may not want to move after all this but it will be an amazing experience.
NOTE: Some buffets ( and I love this) have little cheese enchiladas in the breakfast buffet...eat this with the eggs...SO GOOD!!!
Follow these simple and delicious steps and you too can have a whole new appreciation for the art of Breakfast Cuisine....and like 45 extra lbs., but you can work it off in the casino
Some of you could use a little weight anyway. Skinny bitches.
In Conclusion:
Dont take everything I say literally, its usually Satire.
McD's b-fast equal bowel evacuating torture
Breakfast Buffets fear the wrath of Andru
No comments:
Post a Comment