This morning, as Im blissfully driving to work secure in the knowledge that I will be on time because I left earlier than usual, I become the victim of douchebag drivers...and now I have to pay the fine.
So some fucktard for whatever reason maybe forgot where they were or where they were going, and decides that the turn signal = all drivers come to a sop so you can dart across 2 lanes and exit the freeway at the last bloody second!! So I unfortunately for me, was not "behind" this brainiac...so I am 2 lanes over almost parallel to her. Until I see her in the corner of my eye, looking behind her, as she is rapidly approaching me. *sigh* (note: PAY FUCKING ATTENTION TO THE WORLD AROUND YOU YOU FUCKING IDIOTS)
I have no option except to dart into the on/off ramp lane, where there thankfully were no people coming or going. So I honk like a fool, flip her off, scream myself hoarse, and she just waves. Like that makes it all better. So now, Im trying to get back ON the freeway and every single mother fucking douche jockey on the road decides that as Andru is entering the freeway, we should tail gate each other and not let Andru back on the freeway. There was ONE nice guy who let m over, but sadly, it was too little too late, because the lines had gone solid, and began to split. As I began to merge in front of the nice man who let me in, (thank you Gold Lexus guy!) I see, sitting on the shoulder, a Ventura County Sheriff. Surely he would understand that I was desperate.... no He pulled me over.
So I roll down my windows, and wait patiently for the tall, dark, and rather handsome officer to approach. He was very polite, and very nice, and I was happy about that...but he told me he pulled me over because I crossed all those white stripes instead of merging further back. I calmly explained that I was frustrated by almost being hit and being pushed into a lane I had no intention of ever being in, as I work about 10 miles further up the 101 freeway, and that everyone tailgated intentionally u ntil the nice man in the gold Lexus waved me in. He understood, saying "yes people are a pin when it comes to traffic, they think that letting one car in means they will be stuck in traffic for another few hours." I laughed, at the lame joke, but joke none-the-less...and then he says "Are you aware that you can't have any tint on your front windows?" ....uhh... drr, everyone knows that in the bullshit state of california, you cannot have tint on your front windows....but do you know how uncool most cars, especially mine, looks WITHOUT it? Hater. "well I didn't think anything of it because it was there when I bought it...I thought it was legal since that's how the dealership sold it." Total lie, no excuse for it. "Well they weren't supposed to, its illegal." Good Point. SO then I say "Well, if it's illegal, why are they allowed to put the tint on at all? That's like setting people up for failure...and expensive fines, but I suppose our not to great state needs to make money somehow right?"
I guess my willingness to be so open about my opinion of this joke of a state, was what did it. He laughed, almost the same forced laugh i gave him a few seconds prior...and says "well Im going to issue you a citation for failing to yield, and having tinted front windows, ill be right back."
Great. Failure to yield to a sign...because me using my Accord as a battering ram, and forcing people to let me in...that was OBVIOUSLY the wiser choice. What was I thinking trying to be the nice driver? The tint is a fix it ticket, whatever I'll pay the fine and keep my tint. Cuz fuck that communist rule. That's right, I said communist!
Everyone asks why I drive like an asshole, and everyone complains "oh i almost died in his car, he is a scary driver..." ya know what? Fuck off. If I were so bad, I would have numerous accidents, dents, probably a few warrants for hit and run's....I may not be a slow driver, or a drive who is content in one lane for long periods of time, but I get where I need to go, and I normally don;t get stuck in a FUCKING ON/OFF RAMP WHILE PEOPLE REFUSE TO LET ME OVER, WHICH ENDS UP WITH *ME* GETTING THE CITATION!!!! THEY WERE THE FUCKWADS...BUT I GET THE TICKET!!!!!! oh fuck that. You think I was an asshole driver before? oh you ain't seen NOTHING yet. I no longer give a fuck...don;t like it? Drive your own damn car and get the hell outta mine.
As for all those assbags who tailgated each other and refused to let me in, you WILL get whats coming to you. And just to add my personal touch, I hope you all fucking die. Burned alive in your cars, in front of your friends and family! And when you are charbroiled crispy corpse, the firetruck will show up and they will say "sorry we couldn't get here sooner...no one would let us merge on the freeway." And then they would hose off the smoking pile of shit that used to be you and your fucking car, then go for lunch...at a bbq joint.
I knew...I KNEW when my alarm went off, something in my head told me "call in, don't go to work, stay in bed."
*sigh* Sometimes, I'm not just lazy, I'm psychic. SO I have a nice fine to look forward to in the next few weeks. A fine that you KNOW will be outrageously high for a minor and non-life threatening offense. Seriously... this actually happened to me in the past... driving without a seat belt was a $23 fine. Failing to turn off your high beams....$176. How is THAT fair? Whatever, our legal system, our civil rights, our governor, our budget, our ...STATE...is a joke. But it's home.
Well now that I have made myself an enemy of the state, back to work. I have half a mind to just leave early and go home. Fuck today.
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