In other news...

enough of my bitching about my home life. I am sick to death of being stressed out about shit all the time. I hate it. I HATE it.

Im trying to think of something positive and frankly I can't think of anything. I hate when this happens...when there is SO MUCH bad in your life that you are physically incapable of finding good. I am stressed at work, unahppy at home, still single, still broke, still struggling, still waiting for financial aid to pull their heads out of their asses and give me my fucking check! Im still dealing with family drama revolving around the holidays, Im still in constant unrelenting excrutiating pain every second of every day thanks to Hidradenitis Suppurative... FUCK MY LIFE. I wish there was a reset button. The good things I have in my life are far away. ALWAYS...the good stuff is always out of reach. I swear I am god's personal joke. He LOVES to watch me suffer. All I get is a hard time. Well I n ow no longer believe in god. fuck god. fuck religion...its all wrong anyway. Prayers have never done anything for me, Ive prayed and prayed and prayed all my life...and ya know what...either God doesnt give a shit, or there is NO GOD. Its kind of stupid to believe in something that we have no rock solid proof even exists. It would be like be starting a religion based on the existance and teachings of the "Stay-Puffed Marshmellow Man" I mean, we was giant and in a movie...so whose to say he wasnt our savior? yeah... thats how ridiculous "god" and religion sounds to me.

So I quit on God. He was never there for me, and now I walk away from faith. I have nothing to have faith in.

Some people will find this offensive (get over it) some people will find this sad (get over it) but ya know...this actually makes me feel better. It makes me feel more independent and less like a forgotten child who just wants to be heard and helped....no... now I am able to let go of fantasy...and move into reality. Who would have thought that letting go of this lie we've been fed since birth would actually make me feel BETTER!?!?

And now Im smiling for the first time all day.... awesome :-)