Hello people,
I know, I know, I have forsaken you. I haven't blogged in 7 months. Im a terrible person. hahaha
Okay whatever, you'll get over it. OKAY... so I have a few things I want to share, some topics to discuss, and updates to be..well...updated.
Sit down and shut up and here we go:
Since My last post about stupid bitches christmas shopping and wanting a new car...here is what happened. None of my beautifully laid plans worked. I wasnt able to get the car because my credit wasnt high enough STILL... because of my credit cards. Well, Lesson learned. Instead of fighting a losing battle, and trying to make 5 dollars out of 20 cents, I decided to through my hands up in the air sometimes, sayin AAAYOOOOO BANKRUPTCEEEEYYYOOOOOO Thats right. Fuck my bills, fuck the companies I owe money to and their high interest rates and their shady back alley abortions they call "deals" fuck them all!!! I ain't payin you shit, and if they keep calling me, they are going to end up PAYING ME!!! This is why I love my bankruptcy attorney. PEOPLE, IF YOU EVER FILE BANKRUPTCY, GET A LAYWER. ITS WORTH IT.
Well in the past 7 months, I dated someone that meant the world to me, Tai, but sadly he needs to fix his life, and as much as I would like to help him and be his hero, he won't let me, he needs to do this on his own. So I ended it with him, so as not to make things any harder for him. It sucks. I miss him everyday. But we are friends so I guess that's good? Whatever, obviously it wasnt meant to be. I still Love S, but he is still super far away, and as he gets older, he is pulling away, he even told me he wants to pull away... maybe I should let him go? I dont know, we arent in a relationship, but we CRAVE each other...its strange.
I love him though. :)
OH back to the bankruptcy, I had to surrender my car because Im claiming it in my BK... weeelllllll I now have a 16 yr old sedan. I wanted a new Scion XB, but now have a 95 Honda Accord. Its cute, and it runs really well, and it will do for now....but I feel... I dont know. Poor. I mean, I AM poor, but I feel embarrassed to be in my car. Its a feeling I am not familiar with. Oh well. Its a necessary step to get ahead. Once my bankruptcy is discharged, I can start with some small things, like ONE credit card that I will only use for one tank of gas a month, then pay it off every month, for a couple of months, that should get the credit up, then I will go for a car. It all depends too, on where I am as far as income. I make shitty money. Lately I have been HATING my job. Im sick of stupid people calling me, Im sick of making crumbs, with nothing to show for it except bankruptcy, and Im sick of being a fucking TEMP. I've been here almost a year, and Im still a temp. This is ridiculous. I'm over it. Im looking for a new job but the job market SSSSUUUUCCCCKKKKSSSS, so what can I do? I hate this feeling. I feel trapped in misery. Its like when I was forced to spend summers w ith my dad. I loved my dad, and doing things with my dad, but my stepmother wasnt pleasant during my childhood, I hated the heat in Fresno in the summer, and my dad worked alot, so it's not like I spent tons of time with him. I was trapped in a situation, that I didnt want to be in. Just like my car, my job and the heat in the summer. I hate heat.
I still want to move to Seattle. Where the sun shines but doesn't burn you to a crisp.
SO, in regards to the "Daddy Button" Let me explain: For gay men and straight women, we become attracted to older men, sometimes...much older...and we want them to take control of us, (within reason) That older, sexy man that makes you say "ooohh.. daddy" yes well I have been experiencing this a lot lately, and I don't know what it is, but Its made for good fap-worthy evenings. TMI I know, but whatever don't act like you dont do it too.
Currently, the celebs that hit my daddy button are:
Stanley Tucci. Something about that voice, those big pecs, and the bald head just.....oooooo gets me.
Christopher Meloni. Dear. God. Meloni. He is... just.... blue collar, blue eyes, rough ridin, tie me up and use me FINE. The man makes me moist.
Leiv Shreiber. OMG with the fangs and the facial scruff, growling as Sabertooth... sweet jesus I almost fainted. I had no idea he was that hot.
Those are top 3. DILF DILF DILF DILF DILF There many dilfs in my head. Mario Lopez, Pete Wentz, Hugh Jackman, David Beckham, Boris Kodjoe.... cuz dad's are hot sometimes.
In other hot guy news... I think Im in full blown celebrity crush love with:
Darren Criss
&
Zachary Quinto
Love, Love, Love them.
okay I think Im done for now. PEACE OUT BITCHES
July 27, 2011
February 9, 2011
Brace yourself religious types...youre not gonna like this:
The following is a facebook post / conversation I read then chimed in on and let me tell you, its HILARIOUS. I love fucking with the overly religious. Because they are Religulous.
It started with Terry posting her status, the rest are comments.
ENJOY!
Terry Horton:
Let's see how many true Christians are on FB! Press Like if Jesus is your Savior!!
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:
Cellest Alexis Skye: Sorry not a Christian. Geoff and I come from the "church" of be nice to people and chew with your mouth closed. :0)
Jp Zisk: Sorry to hear that. We will be praying for you.
Cellest Alexis Skye: It's all good, I'm always kewl with prayers. I just try and be a good person. I don't need a spagetti monster in the sky to be a good person. We're agnostic, we believe in the right to believe without needing to believe in one thing. :0)
Jp Zisk: Thats nice but this life is very short compared to eternal salvation.
Cellest Alexis Skye: Yes but aren't Christians supposed to stay married and not get divorced? I guess we all pick and choose what works for us. :0)
Jp Zisk: I have been washed clean of that sin and it is water under the bridge. Praise the Lord.
Cellest Alexis Skye: Then I guess just before I die, I'll say praise the lord and I'll be just fine. Until then I'm gonna run amuck. You know donating to cause's I believe in, visiting old people, sending out X-mas cards, staying in my almost 8 year relationship and just generally being a good person. :0) But I guess if I forget to say it I might go to hell, bummer.
Jp Zisk: God bless
Cellest Alexis Skye: Did you also know that drinking and smoking are sins? I see pics in your profile that suggest you do both.
The Bible says your body is the temple of the Lord and whoever destroys it God shall destroy.
Jp Zisk :) Ty and glad i got you reading the bible. God Bless
Cellest Alexis Skye: Umm no I just googled it. I have read the bible long ago, not my bag. The only thing you got me to do was to waste my time. :0)
Cellest Alexis Skye: Correction: "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 ESV
Sarah Dyke: WOW
Cellest Alexis Skye: I know!! He's nuts!
Andru Bergdahl: HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Spaghetti Monster... oh that was good. *wipes tear* oh Cellest... you are a hoot
Cellest Alexis: Skye @ Andru, Terry is my aunt of my cousin Nicole who passed away last year. JP is Nicoles exhusband... Enuff said.
Andru Bergdahl: OH... well Im sorry to hear about Nicole, but I think JP is hilarious. People like him are always hilarious. You can be as big a hypocrite as humanly possible, break all the spaghetti monsters rules, and all you have to do is tell yourself ..."Its okay, the spaghetti monster forgives me of all my sins" and they get to be guilt free. Its not forgiveness, is the self rationalization/delusion that makes them feel better about being a heartless fuck who feels no guilt. If they hide behind the spaghetti monster, then they can blame their ignorance, hypocracy, hatred, on him. "Im not a bad person, I dont hate people or break the rules... well I am and I did but thats just because the spaghetti monster told me to." And thats another thing... don't give me that crap about "The spaghetti monster spoke to me, he told me I was forgiven." Okay, pleae face reality....if you think the spaghetti monster spoke to you and you heard him in your head...its only one of three things, either A: You're a liar, B: It's your imagination or C: You're schitzophrenic.
Maybe I'm just SIN-nicle (ha) but if you expect me to believe in the spaghetti monster, I require proof that he exists, and a babies laughter, dew on a flower field in spring, or the musical stylings of Amy Grant don't count. I mean actual proof that I can see, hear, or touch....that others can also see hear or touch. Science FTW!
Cellest Alexis Skye: Damn right Andru!! I love you woman! Will you be my homosexual baby daddy? :0)
Andru Bergdahl ABSOLUTELY!!!
It started with Terry posting her status, the rest are comments.
ENJOY!
Terry Horton:
Let's see how many true Christians are on FB! Press Like if Jesus is your Savior!!
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." - 1 Peter 4:
Cellest Alexis Skye: Sorry not a Christian. Geoff and I come from the "church" of be nice to people and chew with your mouth closed. :0)
Jp Zisk: Sorry to hear that. We will be praying for you.
Cellest Alexis Skye: It's all good, I'm always kewl with prayers. I just try and be a good person. I don't need a spagetti monster in the sky to be a good person. We're agnostic, we believe in the right to believe without needing to believe in one thing. :0)
Jp Zisk: Thats nice but this life is very short compared to eternal salvation.
Cellest Alexis Skye: Yes but aren't Christians supposed to stay married and not get divorced? I guess we all pick and choose what works for us. :0)
Jp Zisk: I have been washed clean of that sin and it is water under the bridge. Praise the Lord.
Cellest Alexis Skye: Then I guess just before I die, I'll say praise the lord and I'll be just fine. Until then I'm gonna run amuck. You know donating to cause's I believe in, visiting old people, sending out X-mas cards, staying in my almost 8 year relationship and just generally being a good person. :0) But I guess if I forget to say it I might go to hell, bummer.
Jp Zisk: God bless
Cellest Alexis Skye: Did you also know that drinking and smoking are sins? I see pics in your profile that suggest you do both.
The Bible says your body is the temple of the Lord and whoever destroys it God shall destroy.
Jp Zisk :) Ty and glad i got you reading the bible. God Bless
Cellest Alexis Skye: Umm no I just googled it. I have read the bible long ago, not my bag. The only thing you got me to do was to waste my time. :0)
Cellest Alexis Skye: Correction: "Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple."
1 Corinthians 3:16-17 ESV
Sarah Dyke: WOW
Cellest Alexis Skye: I know!! He's nuts!
Andru Bergdahl: HAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA Spaghetti Monster... oh that was good. *wipes tear* oh Cellest... you are a hoot
Cellest Alexis: Skye @ Andru, Terry is my aunt of my cousin Nicole who passed away last year. JP is Nicoles exhusband... Enuff said.
Andru Bergdahl: OH... well Im sorry to hear about Nicole, but I think JP is hilarious. People like him are always hilarious. You can be as big a hypocrite as humanly possible, break all the spaghetti monsters rules, and all you have to do is tell yourself ..."Its okay, the spaghetti monster forgives me of all my sins" and they get to be guilt free. Its not forgiveness, is the self rationalization/delusion that makes them feel better about being a heartless fuck who feels no guilt. If they hide behind the spaghetti monster, then they can blame their ignorance, hypocracy, hatred, on him. "Im not a bad person, I dont hate people or break the rules... well I am and I did but thats just because the spaghetti monster told me to." And thats another thing... don't give me that crap about "The spaghetti monster spoke to me, he told me I was forgiven." Okay, pleae face reality....if you think the spaghetti monster spoke to you and you heard him in your head...its only one of three things, either A: You're a liar, B: It's your imagination or C: You're schitzophrenic.
Maybe I'm just SIN-nicle (ha) but if you expect me to believe in the spaghetti monster, I require proof that he exists, and a babies laughter, dew on a flower field in spring, or the musical stylings of Amy Grant don't count. I mean actual proof that I can see, hear, or touch....that others can also see hear or touch. Science FTW!
Cellest Alexis Skye: Damn right Andru!! I love you woman! Will you be my homosexual baby daddy? :0)
Andru Bergdahl ABSOLUTELY!!!
February 8, 2011
Music and things...
Hello readers. I have not bee very good and keeping up with my blog. Life has been full of stuff lately and Im just barely keeping up.
I have too much to deal with and my mind if going loopy.
I am excited though becuase I have some big plans ready for march so february needs to end already!!!
Here is the newest info on my life:
I have begun a new diet...not being one who enjoys dieting, this is a new experience for me. I am not so much "dieting" as "changing my diet"
I am going to be drinking mostly just water, and will be having one meal a day that is totally raw. Because it is just easier, I am going to have raw veggies and raw fruit for lunch. I heard that this is a great way to improve your overall health, as well as to just feel better. Which I really need. It also assists with weight loss. I am going to be healthier. I need to. I hate feeling like Im in my 70's or 80's when Im 30. Im not well for this at all. So here goes...
What else... OH so I think I am going to buy a newer used (2008 or newer) Scion xB. I miss driving a stick shift, and I need more room in my car. I have a social life again and we like to carpool so the 2 door accord doesnt work too well. If all works out in my favor, i will have my Scion, with a lower payment than I am paying now for my accord, and because the Scion xB is considered a "wagon" my insurance rates will go down, because my accord, though its a 4 cylinder, is considered a sports car because it's a 2door. So Im hoping to save myself some money every month, and get a better, newer, more dependable car. Honda's are incredibly dependable but mine is about to turn 121000 miles, its 7 years old, and I have already dumped $1200 into fixing it a month ago... I can not afford to pay to fix a car AND make payments. So sorry Honda...I love you, but its time to go!
Update on the drama...most of it has either died down and people have moved on, or they just arent talking to me about it....either way, I dont have to deal with it so Im happy. I read a friend's vague passive aggressive facebook status that may or may not have had anything to do with me, (I dont care either way really...) but it said "Your 'I dont give a shit' attitude will catch up with you eventually"
she may have a point... but frankly, the "consequenses" that could come from an indifferent attitude, wont really matter if you dont give a shit. LOL Its like this.... i had a falling out with this guy Rudy a while back and I heard him say "You're gonna regret this, You're going to miss me when Im gone.... " or something like that.... and i told him the same thing:
"What makes you think I care enough about you to give a shit about what you do or where you go from here?"
If you dont care about something... it's never going to catch up to you....because you DONT CARE. If you dont care, then nothing can affect you.
Anyway its something to ponder I supposed. Someone recently asked me "Are you holding on to these friendships that seem to be mostly drama and strife.... because you want them...or because you have had them for so long that you dont want to let them go?" I hate him for asking me that because I dont know. I k now I love my friends, and I know that my friends usually mean well, but on the other hand I know that I am not treated with the respect I deserve, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares about maintaining these friendships.
Maybe I should start learning to let people go and see if life keeps up together, or if we drift apart.
I dont think it's fair that I am expected to make the trip to visit them, yet only 3 of them have visited me. Whenever I bring it up I've been told "Well you chose to leave." So I guess Im being punished for wanting more for my life that living in a small county my whole life. Who do I think I am? What makes me think I am so great that I should experience life in other places and explore the world around me??? I must be such a terrible person. **Rolls eyes** yeah well get over it. Im tired of being treated poorly by the people who claim to be friends. I think a friend should be able to talk to you, and disagree with you, without insulting you or making you feel inferior, unintellegent, or over all just WRONG about everything.
So I have put my foot down. If someone doesn't treat me with respect, then Im going to tell them how I feel about it. Im going to demand that I be treated with respect, or I am going to be removing myself from the situation / gathering / whatever. I will not be treated like a child, and I will not be treated with any less respect than they treat other people. I have proven that I can make a life somewhere else, that I can weather the hard times and still get by, that I can make new friends...and if I cant get the respect I deserve, then i have no problem cutting those ties and moving on with my life.
My friend Jill once told me "Poodle (she calls me Poodle tee hee), Poodle you are a big fish in a little pond... you need to get out of the 805 and expand your horizons and even though there are those who might try to drag you down... you just keep going!"
She was right.
Moving onto to music... .OMG i have so much music that Im in love with I cant even tell you!!! actually....yes I can tell you HA
Adele - "Make you feel my love"
Jonatha Brooke - "Walking"
Jonatha Brooke - "Annie"
Jonatha Brooke - "At the still point"
Sara Bareilles - "In Your Eyes"
Nelly - "Just a Dream"
Rihanna - "S&M"
Shawn Colvin - "Shotgun Down the Avalanche" (Live feat. Allison Kraus)
The Weepies - "Happiness"
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - "Your Guardian Angel"
There is a little taste... more to come
OH and I am the proud owner of a new MacBook with a built in mic and camera.... video blogs may start appearing ;-)
I have too much to deal with and my mind if going loopy.
I am excited though becuase I have some big plans ready for march so february needs to end already!!!
Here is the newest info on my life:
I have begun a new diet...not being one who enjoys dieting, this is a new experience for me. I am not so much "dieting" as "changing my diet"
I am going to be drinking mostly just water, and will be having one meal a day that is totally raw. Because it is just easier, I am going to have raw veggies and raw fruit for lunch. I heard that this is a great way to improve your overall health, as well as to just feel better. Which I really need. It also assists with weight loss. I am going to be healthier. I need to. I hate feeling like Im in my 70's or 80's when Im 30. Im not well for this at all. So here goes...
What else... OH so I think I am going to buy a newer used (2008 or newer) Scion xB. I miss driving a stick shift, and I need more room in my car. I have a social life again and we like to carpool so the 2 door accord doesnt work too well. If all works out in my favor, i will have my Scion, with a lower payment than I am paying now for my accord, and because the Scion xB is considered a "wagon" my insurance rates will go down, because my accord, though its a 4 cylinder, is considered a sports car because it's a 2door. So Im hoping to save myself some money every month, and get a better, newer, more dependable car. Honda's are incredibly dependable but mine is about to turn 121000 miles, its 7 years old, and I have already dumped $1200 into fixing it a month ago... I can not afford to pay to fix a car AND make payments. So sorry Honda...I love you, but its time to go!
Update on the drama...most of it has either died down and people have moved on, or they just arent talking to me about it....either way, I dont have to deal with it so Im happy. I read a friend's vague passive aggressive facebook status that may or may not have had anything to do with me, (I dont care either way really...) but it said "Your 'I dont give a shit' attitude will catch up with you eventually"
she may have a point... but frankly, the "consequenses" that could come from an indifferent attitude, wont really matter if you dont give a shit. LOL Its like this.... i had a falling out with this guy Rudy a while back and I heard him say "You're gonna regret this, You're going to miss me when Im gone.... " or something like that.... and i told him the same thing:
"What makes you think I care enough about you to give a shit about what you do or where you go from here?"
If you dont care about something... it's never going to catch up to you....because you DONT CARE. If you dont care, then nothing can affect you.
Anyway its something to ponder I supposed. Someone recently asked me "Are you holding on to these friendships that seem to be mostly drama and strife.... because you want them...or because you have had them for so long that you dont want to let them go?" I hate him for asking me that because I dont know. I k now I love my friends, and I know that my friends usually mean well, but on the other hand I know that I am not treated with the respect I deserve, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who cares about maintaining these friendships.
Maybe I should start learning to let people go and see if life keeps up together, or if we drift apart.
I dont think it's fair that I am expected to make the trip to visit them, yet only 3 of them have visited me. Whenever I bring it up I've been told "Well you chose to leave." So I guess Im being punished for wanting more for my life that living in a small county my whole life. Who do I think I am? What makes me think I am so great that I should experience life in other places and explore the world around me??? I must be such a terrible person. **Rolls eyes** yeah well get over it. Im tired of being treated poorly by the people who claim to be friends. I think a friend should be able to talk to you, and disagree with you, without insulting you or making you feel inferior, unintellegent, or over all just WRONG about everything.
So I have put my foot down. If someone doesn't treat me with respect, then Im going to tell them how I feel about it. Im going to demand that I be treated with respect, or I am going to be removing myself from the situation / gathering / whatever. I will not be treated like a child, and I will not be treated with any less respect than they treat other people. I have proven that I can make a life somewhere else, that I can weather the hard times and still get by, that I can make new friends...and if I cant get the respect I deserve, then i have no problem cutting those ties and moving on with my life.
My friend Jill once told me "Poodle (she calls me Poodle tee hee), Poodle you are a big fish in a little pond... you need to get out of the 805 and expand your horizons and even though there are those who might try to drag you down... you just keep going!"
She was right.
Moving onto to music... .OMG i have so much music that Im in love with I cant even tell you!!! actually....yes I can tell you HA
Adele - "Make you feel my love"
Jonatha Brooke - "Walking"
Jonatha Brooke - "Annie"
Jonatha Brooke - "At the still point"
Sara Bareilles - "In Your Eyes"
Nelly - "Just a Dream"
Rihanna - "S&M"
Shawn Colvin - "Shotgun Down the Avalanche" (Live feat. Allison Kraus)
The Weepies - "Happiness"
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - "Your Guardian Angel"
There is a little taste... more to come
OH and I am the proud owner of a new MacBook with a built in mic and camera.... video blogs may start appearing ;-)
January 14, 2011
OMG the drama
*sigh* If I keep getting thrown into drama, Im gonna start cutting people out of my life. I am fucking 30 years old, I do not have the patience to be dealing with childish, passive aggressive, petty bullshit drama. I am not in high school. I am also sick of being treated like I'm beneath people. If you can't treat me equally, like an adult, and like a friend, then you obviously are not a friend and you can see yourself out of my life. Peace the FUCK OUT.
Im trying so hard to find balance and inner peace with my life, and to let go of the turmoil and the petty dramas...I am trying to treat my friends with the same respect I deserve to be treated with, I am trying to be an honest and truthful person, who can be trusted and more importantly, be taken seriously....because for so long, I wasn't taken seriously, or treated fairly...and Im done.
Yes a big part of this blog is me venting... yes Im sure I will feel better after this is written and even better still tomorrow....but right now, right this second, I feel betrayed. I am not naming names because that would be petty and childish, and Im sure there is one person in particular who will read this and probably assume it is about him...and to him I say: "S...its not about you, relax."
Lemme ask you few and beloved readers of mine....when will I be taken seriously? What is it going to take for people to respect that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions without needing anyones approval or consent? When will I be seen as smart enough to make my own decisions, cuz here I am, 30 years old...and still every decision I make, every thought I share...is picked apart, ridiculed, judged, and discounted.
I don't appreciate it. Maybe from now on I just won't share any more. Maybe I will keep every single thing to myself.
Im trying so hard to find balance and inner peace with my life, and to let go of the turmoil and the petty dramas...I am trying to treat my friends with the same respect I deserve to be treated with, I am trying to be an honest and truthful person, who can be trusted and more importantly, be taken seriously....because for so long, I wasn't taken seriously, or treated fairly...and Im done.
Yes a big part of this blog is me venting... yes Im sure I will feel better after this is written and even better still tomorrow....but right now, right this second, I feel betrayed. I am not naming names because that would be petty and childish, and Im sure there is one person in particular who will read this and probably assume it is about him...and to him I say: "S...its not about you, relax."
Lemme ask you few and beloved readers of mine....when will I be taken seriously? What is it going to take for people to respect that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions without needing anyones approval or consent? When will I be seen as smart enough to make my own decisions, cuz here I am, 30 years old...and still every decision I make, every thought I share...is picked apart, ridiculed, judged, and discounted.
I don't appreciate it. Maybe from now on I just won't share any more. Maybe I will keep every single thing to myself.
January 6, 2011
I broke a fucking nail.
I know it sounds trivial and super gay but its true and its pissing me off. My right middle finger nail is chipped and broken and I dont even know how I did it.
Things havent changed much. Im a poverty individual, broke all the time, and overworked and underpaid.
But Im not depressed. My HS is going nuts and Im in pain...but still, im not in an all together bad mood. its weird. Im actually kind of okay. I had a good new years... OMG can I just tell you...
So new years eve, i got a little drunky and this guy who is bi and who has had a weird time dealing with it....kissed me. Well my friend A got all mad because she has been fucking him. Now look, i understand she was made cuz we kissed in her house... but that's where the party was A, and B..it was a drunken new years kiss and YOURE JUST FUCKING HIM... there is no relationship, and I heard that from her mouth. Anyway...so then it becomes a respect issue and she threw "the girl/bro/friend" code at me and Im like...uhh... thats a joke. We arent 15 yrs old. You aren't his girl friend, stop acting like you dont care. She said that if I wanted to mess around with him somewhere else thats fine, but not in her house.
once again, it was JUST a kiss. And please, you wanna act like it wouldnt bother you? LIES.... HERESY AND LIES. I KNOW she would have been just as pissed off had he and I kissed in her house or three counties away, i know this because she threw the girl code bullshit at me. So this boils down to her being jealous because the guy she is fucking, for one night, didnt want her. he wanted me. He even spent the night there with her and they didnt have sex!! NEWS FLASH GIRL... DONT DATE/OR GET ATTACHED TO BISEXUAL MEN. And cut the shit, you dont get to jealous and controlling of who he kisses unless he is your boyfriend, and he isnt.
I apologized sincerely to her because she was super upset and making this into some big ol' drama...talking to our mutual friends about it....and didnt even talk to me like an adult about it either, she came at me with attitude and drama. I simply replied to her bluntly and truthfully. Yes I am sorry that I hurt my friends feelings, but frankly, she is making a MUCH bigger deal out of this that it needs to be, she is completely over reacting, and I think the whole thing is so juvenile. But, as frustrating as this is for me, and as badly as I needed to vent.... I can understand where she is coming from. Amoungst the overreacting...she had a valid point. She apparently had "peed on that hydrant" for the evening, and when he approached me for the kiss, I didnt say no. so I understand why she is upset. But what bothers me is that she is making me out to he be bad friend, when the truth is, if she would just face her feelings for him, and quit trying to fool herself (cuz she aint foolin anyone else) then these types of situations wouldnt happen. It's like when you hit a pot hole and you have to have the allignment fixed in your car. Sure you get mad at the pot hole for being there... but you were the one driving. If you werent paying attention then its not entirely the pot hole's fault. (I am the pot hole, He is the car, she was the driver)
The whole thing is stupid and blown way out of proportion...but I guess that's what ya have to deal with when you have passive agressive behavior & ovaries.
Now she feels like "a trust has been broken and its going to take time to heal that trust." Another example of it being blown way out of proportion...but whatever makes her happy I guess. I said that I understand and left it at that.
There is a part of me that genuinely is trying to understand how my friend, whom I love dearly, is feeling.... but there's the rest of me that's like "Why is this such a huge deal? No one made it this huge a deal when One of my other friends was chasing after all the guys I had fucked!!!!" I guess because to me it was harmless meaningless kissing, I dont see what the big deal is. Well I apologized, thats all I can do. it's not my problem anymore. I want to keep her as a friend, I really do think highly of her, but I guess everyone is allowed to over react, just like everyone is allowed to do something stupid when theyre drunk.
Anyway, the NEXT day... I kissed Joseph. He is a friend of mine Ive known for a while and have had a crush on for a while, but he wasnt single...he was with the mother of his beautiful child.... now he is single...and embracing his bisexuality. I realize this sounds hypocritical from the previous paragraph but hear me out: Joseph knows, accepts, and embraces who he is. He is not confused, or figuring things out. He knows. I like that. I can live with that. and he is a REALLY GOOD KISSER.
Then sunday I kissed some random guy I hooked up with back in the day...cuz he was there and he kept saying i was sex and had a great smile. Nothing works as well as flattery. LOL
THATS my new year. I am impatiently waiting for my tax stuff so I can go online and turbo tax my refund. Mama needs a macbook. hahaha AND I get a 50 discount for being a university of phoenix student...so heeeey. AND i have a friend who has the hook up on all the best Apple software. My mac's gonna be PIMP.
OH and check this out yall.... I have decided that Im getting a new car in March. As usual I have multiple cars that I would be very happy with... and HERES THE LIST:
These are the "I will totally drive one if I can't get my first choice" list:
Nissan Xterra
VW Jetta
Honda Accord Coupe
Mazda CX7
there are a few others but here is what I have decided will be my NEW CAR... This is my first choice:
The 2011 Hyundai Elantra
It's so beautiful and sleek. I must have it.
OKAY Im out of shit to talk about. SEE YA!!!!
Things havent changed much. Im a poverty individual, broke all the time, and overworked and underpaid.
But Im not depressed. My HS is going nuts and Im in pain...but still, im not in an all together bad mood. its weird. Im actually kind of okay. I had a good new years... OMG can I just tell you...
So new years eve, i got a little drunky and this guy who is bi and who has had a weird time dealing with it....kissed me. Well my friend A got all mad because she has been fucking him. Now look, i understand she was made cuz we kissed in her house... but that's where the party was A, and B..it was a drunken new years kiss and YOURE JUST FUCKING HIM... there is no relationship, and I heard that from her mouth. Anyway...so then it becomes a respect issue and she threw "the girl/bro/friend" code at me and Im like...uhh... thats a joke. We arent 15 yrs old. You aren't his girl friend, stop acting like you dont care. She said that if I wanted to mess around with him somewhere else thats fine, but not in her house.
once again, it was JUST a kiss. And please, you wanna act like it wouldnt bother you? LIES.... HERESY AND LIES. I KNOW she would have been just as pissed off had he and I kissed in her house or three counties away, i know this because she threw the girl code bullshit at me. So this boils down to her being jealous because the guy she is fucking, for one night, didnt want her. he wanted me. He even spent the night there with her and they didnt have sex!! NEWS FLASH GIRL... DONT DATE/OR GET ATTACHED TO BISEXUAL MEN. And cut the shit, you dont get to jealous and controlling of who he kisses unless he is your boyfriend, and he isnt.
I apologized sincerely to her because she was super upset and making this into some big ol' drama...talking to our mutual friends about it....and didnt even talk to me like an adult about it either, she came at me with attitude and drama. I simply replied to her bluntly and truthfully. Yes I am sorry that I hurt my friends feelings, but frankly, she is making a MUCH bigger deal out of this that it needs to be, she is completely over reacting, and I think the whole thing is so juvenile. But, as frustrating as this is for me, and as badly as I needed to vent.... I can understand where she is coming from. Amoungst the overreacting...she had a valid point. She apparently had "peed on that hydrant" for the evening, and when he approached me for the kiss, I didnt say no. so I understand why she is upset. But what bothers me is that she is making me out to he be bad friend, when the truth is, if she would just face her feelings for him, and quit trying to fool herself (cuz she aint foolin anyone else) then these types of situations wouldnt happen. It's like when you hit a pot hole and you have to have the allignment fixed in your car. Sure you get mad at the pot hole for being there... but you were the one driving. If you werent paying attention then its not entirely the pot hole's fault. (I am the pot hole, He is the car, she was the driver)
The whole thing is stupid and blown way out of proportion...but I guess that's what ya have to deal with when you have passive agressive behavior & ovaries.
Now she feels like "a trust has been broken and its going to take time to heal that trust." Another example of it being blown way out of proportion...but whatever makes her happy I guess. I said that I understand and left it at that.
There is a part of me that genuinely is trying to understand how my friend, whom I love dearly, is feeling.... but there's the rest of me that's like "Why is this such a huge deal? No one made it this huge a deal when One of my other friends was chasing after all the guys I had fucked!!!!" I guess because to me it was harmless meaningless kissing, I dont see what the big deal is. Well I apologized, thats all I can do. it's not my problem anymore. I want to keep her as a friend, I really do think highly of her, but I guess everyone is allowed to over react, just like everyone is allowed to do something stupid when theyre drunk.
Anyway, the NEXT day... I kissed Joseph. He is a friend of mine Ive known for a while and have had a crush on for a while, but he wasnt single...he was with the mother of his beautiful child.... now he is single...and embracing his bisexuality. I realize this sounds hypocritical from the previous paragraph but hear me out: Joseph knows, accepts, and embraces who he is. He is not confused, or figuring things out. He knows. I like that. I can live with that. and he is a REALLY GOOD KISSER.
Then sunday I kissed some random guy I hooked up with back in the day...cuz he was there and he kept saying i was sex and had a great smile. Nothing works as well as flattery. LOL
THATS my new year. I am impatiently waiting for my tax stuff so I can go online and turbo tax my refund. Mama needs a macbook. hahaha AND I get a 50 discount for being a university of phoenix student...so heeeey. AND i have a friend who has the hook up on all the best Apple software. My mac's gonna be PIMP.
OH and check this out yall.... I have decided that Im getting a new car in March. As usual I have multiple cars that I would be very happy with... and HERES THE LIST:
These are the "I will totally drive one if I can't get my first choice" list:
Nissan Xterra
VW Jetta
Honda Accord Coupe
Mazda CX7
there are a few others but here is what I have decided will be my NEW CAR... This is my first choice:
The 2011 Hyundai Elantra
It's so beautiful and sleek. I must have it.
OKAY Im out of shit to talk about. SEE YA!!!!
December 27, 2010
Now what
Okay, the holidays are over, good food was had, joy was had, love was shared, gifts were given....and now Im back at work. The first day back to work after christmas is always the worse work day of the year. Its long, boring, and you resent being there. I hate it. Thankfully its almost over, and I can go home and relax.
I am sad to report that even though I am forever grateful for the generosity of my friends and family, I am still unable to afford to replace my laptop for a while, so I am having to use my computer at work to blog. Not that this bothers me much, but still. it sucks to go home and have just my iPhone for internet. I'll have to deal. When I get my tax refund, if it is as big as it was last year, I am going to buy a new Macbook. They are the best on the market and yes the cheapest one is $999...but they are worth every penny and last a very long time. I won't have to replace it in less than two years like I had to do with my HP.
I just dont like to wait. Guess I have no choice. It's okay though, it will be worth it. I will be so happy to have my macbook. I wont feel technologically inferior anymore LOL. After that is purchased, I may get an iPhone 4. I have a 3G now, and it has been amazing until I was required by iTunes to upgrade the software.... now its unreliable, freezes, and uses the battery more than before. I fucking hate it. Now I have to deal with THAT even longer now that I have to replace my laptop. It must be nice to make 100 grand a year like this guy I know who is two years younger than me and got his job because his grandfather knew someone who worked for the company. *sigh* I guess my time will come but damnit, I hate being poor. I hate it. Overworked, underpaid, trying to get ahead, get a college degree....ugh.
Anyway I digress... I think tonight is a delivery dinner night. I do NOT have the energy to cook dinner. I also dont want to deal with my roommate or her dog tonight but I'm probably going to have to. Oh well. I would normally take my laptop up to my room and watch TV online or a movie or something....but can't do that now. *sigh* I have DVD's at least up there to watch. eh.
Im thinking pizzahut pasta night. yummy.
I am looking forward to next weekend. new years eve party back home, my friend might go with me so Im excited about that. I just wish I had someone to kiss...and I mean REALLY KISS at midnight. Probably just gonna be another lonely new years eve. But at least I will be around a lot of good friends. Could be worse.
I've always hated the first 5 minutes of every new year. Everyone is kissing their partners, spouse, signifigant others... and then theres me, sitting in the corner, smiling at everyone elses happiness...and waiting for them to stop kissing each other and everyone starts hugging their friends...then I get to join in again.
*sigh*
oh well. My time will come. That's what I keep telling myself. hahahaha
I am sad to report that even though I am forever grateful for the generosity of my friends and family, I am still unable to afford to replace my laptop for a while, so I am having to use my computer at work to blog. Not that this bothers me much, but still. it sucks to go home and have just my iPhone for internet. I'll have to deal. When I get my tax refund, if it is as big as it was last year, I am going to buy a new Macbook. They are the best on the market and yes the cheapest one is $999...but they are worth every penny and last a very long time. I won't have to replace it in less than two years like I had to do with my HP.
I just dont like to wait. Guess I have no choice. It's okay though, it will be worth it. I will be so happy to have my macbook. I wont feel technologically inferior anymore LOL. After that is purchased, I may get an iPhone 4. I have a 3G now, and it has been amazing until I was required by iTunes to upgrade the software.... now its unreliable, freezes, and uses the battery more than before. I fucking hate it. Now I have to deal with THAT even longer now that I have to replace my laptop. It must be nice to make 100 grand a year like this guy I know who is two years younger than me and got his job because his grandfather knew someone who worked for the company. *sigh* I guess my time will come but damnit, I hate being poor. I hate it. Overworked, underpaid, trying to get ahead, get a college degree....ugh.
Anyway I digress... I think tonight is a delivery dinner night. I do NOT have the energy to cook dinner. I also dont want to deal with my roommate or her dog tonight but I'm probably going to have to. Oh well. I would normally take my laptop up to my room and watch TV online or a movie or something....but can't do that now. *sigh* I have DVD's at least up there to watch. eh.
Im thinking pizzahut pasta night. yummy.
I am looking forward to next weekend. new years eve party back home, my friend might go with me so Im excited about that. I just wish I had someone to kiss...and I mean REALLY KISS at midnight. Probably just gonna be another lonely new years eve. But at least I will be around a lot of good friends. Could be worse.
I've always hated the first 5 minutes of every new year. Everyone is kissing their partners, spouse, signifigant others... and then theres me, sitting in the corner, smiling at everyone elses happiness...and waiting for them to stop kissing each other and everyone starts hugging their friends...then I get to join in again.
*sigh*
oh well. My time will come. That's what I keep telling myself. hahahaha
December 22, 2010
Bah Hum Fuck
Well, it's the holidays again and once again I am left feeling conflicted about it. I do not believe in "God" or christianity anymore. I used to but I think it was because that was all I was exposed to and therefor blindly believed. So now that I am 30 and have decided for myself that there are WAY too many contradictions and way too few facts or proof for me to believe in it. As far as Im concerned, it's a fairy tale.
Anyway, I always loved the holidays, the spirit of it, the joy, the happiness.... I however do NOT like the shopping, the crowded frustrating malls and stores, and the bullshit that people throw around in the name of "giving" I damn near snatched one bitch bald-headed because after I stood in line for about 30 minutes to buy two gift cards at Forever21, this middle aged stuck up yuppy snobby bitch just walks in front of my when I get to the register and starts bitching at the cashier
Old Cow: "Um, my daughter left her jacket in the fitting room, and the fitting room person told us it was up here in the lost and found...can you check quickly? I have a lot to do today."
Me: "Uh, no...we ALL have a lot to do, what the hell makes you think your time is more important than mine or anyone elses in this LONG line you just walked right past? You need to take yourself to the back of the line and wait like everyone else."
Old Cow: "Excuse me? Was I talking to you? No, I wasn't."
Me: "There IS no excuse for you, and no you weren't talking to me, but you DID cut right in front of me in this line, and that's not okay, and NOW you're giving me attitude?? Bitch don't make me have to repeat myself!" *I point to the back of the line*
Old Cow: *puts her hand up as if to say 'talk to the hand' and turns to the cashier*
"Well?? Is it here or not?"
Cashier: "No ma'am Im sorry I dont see it here."
Old Bitchy Cow: "WHAT? Well are you gonna replace it? If someone stole it from this store then this store needs to replace it! They said it was up here, now you need to find it!"
Me: "You rude fucking bitch! The only thing this sweet and polite cashier NEEDS to do, is ring up the purchases of all the people who waited in line! Who the fuck do you think you are that you can come up in here and act crazy? You better get your hand down out of my face bitch or Im gonna slap the hell outta you!"
Old Cow: "Ya know what? I have had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU."
Me: "DO SOMETHING. I wish you would, bitch. Give me a reason to punch you in the mouth. Secondly, it's not the store's fault that your stupid ass daughter can't be responsible enough to remember to grab her belongings when she leaves a fitting room. That's HER fault, not the store's fault. You need to yell at YOUR KID. And another thing, you better get your stupid ass kid and get to the back of the fucking line before I MOVE YOU to the back of the line, Im not having this, you can't fuckin talk to people like this and treat people like they are beneath you because eventually you're gonna come across someone CRAZY like ME who will be more than willing to beat you WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE FACED SACK BELLIED OVER BOTOXED FAKE ASS BITCH. Now pick up your sagging middle aged breasts and vagina lips, and GET YOUR UGLY BITCH ASS TO THE BACK OF THE LINE THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING."
**at this point, people in line behind me are yelling at her, some are laughing at what I'm yelling at her, some are tweeting, one girl recorded what I was saying, i wouldnt be surprised if I end up on youtube...**
Old Cow: "HOW DARE YOU! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT"
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?? YOURE NOT GONNA DO SHIT, NOW BACK THE FUCK UP BEFORE I HIT YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!!"
At this point one guy is laughing and clapping, and the poor cashier is calling her manager frantically. The stupid bitch snatched up her bags and stormed off. I calmly walked to the register and said:
"I'm so sorry you had to experience that. You ok punkin?"
Cashier: "hehe yeah I guess Im okay. Wow."
Me: "yeah, THAT just happened. Anywho could you put $25 dollars on each of these gift cards for me? Thanks!"
When I walked outside, there was the stupid cow coming towards me with a security guard...
Me: "Oh this outta be good..."
Old Cow: "Him, right there, he attacked me!"
Security Guard: "Sir, come with me."
Me: "Um, no. Im not going anywhere with you, I never attacked her, I threatened to, that much is true, but never laid a hand on her."
Security Guard: "Ma'am is this true?"
Cow: "well yes but he attacked me!"
Me: "I verbally assaulted her in the store because she cut in front of 20 people to bitch at an innocent cashier about her dumb ass daughter losing her jacket. She put her hand up in my face and I lost my mind. She's LUCKY I didn't swing a mannequin over the back of her head."
Security guard: "Sir, that's not helping.... Ma'am, he didn't touch you, you told me he had...now did he or didn't he?"
Me: "actually it helped me, Im enjoying myself."
Security Guard "Sir... please."
Cow: "Well no but he was GOING to physically attack me, and I think you should do something about him."
Me: "Good thing you don't get paid for thinkin, bitch. Are we done here? The longer I have to hear the sound of her voice, the more likely I am to become violent."
Security Guard: "Sir, go about your shopping, be nice to people, and have a nice day..... Ma'am, you do the same, and wait patiently in line like all the other shoppers"
*I turned to her and very smuggly said* "BOOM."
I turned and headed for the parking garage.
This is what I hate the most about the holidays. People are SO fucking rude. Granted I couldve handled that situation with more class...but why? People need to know that their selfish and inconsiderate behavior is unacceptable!
ANYWAY, I feel weird about the holidays. I used to love it, now it makes me nervous. It sometimes can feel like all the holiday cheer is so fake and forced. I dont know, maybe Im just over it this year and its not as special as it used to be when I was younger... either way, my shopping is done, I only have one more person to buy for and I can do that after the 25th.
In other news, the universe made it VERY clear that the goals I had set for myself this month were not meant to happen.
I have been trying to find a one bedroom or studio apartment for a couple of months, and I was going to use my financial aid refund to get the apartment. Well wouldn't you know it, 3 days before my money comes in the mail, my laptop that I use for school dies...the next day, my car's maintenance light comes on telling me I need to get my oil changed and my transmission serviced....then a few hours later, the check engine light comes on, then dies in an intersection. All in all, the car costs me $1250 to fix and get serviced.
Fuck My Life
So there went my dream of having my very own apartment all by myself.
This kinda ruined me for about two days, then I switched gears. I decided t hat since I had to spend half my refund on my car, the other have should be put to good use... something that will make my future apartment hunt a little easier.
I work for a credit reporting agency. I have a VERY good understanding of credit, how it works, and most importantly, how to fix it. I decided to get my credit report from all three credit bureaus, and wanted to see exactly what is on my credit that maybe I can pay off to help improve my credit score and help improve my chances of getting approved for an apartment, or a new car (since my car just cost me a fortune to fix, I might want to be prepared to replace it, because the idea of having to make a car payment every month, AND make payments to repair shops, is NOT acceptable to me.) So I did. I contacted three of the creditors I owed money to, and paid them off. There is only one more left, which is about a grand, then Im free and clear! No more bad items on my credit report! HOORAY!!!
Im thinking that the universe didn't think I was prepared enough to live alone, so it changed my plans for me. As much as I can accept that I was not destined to get my own place this month, I am also a little pissed off at the universe. Couldn't you send me a note? Or an email or something letting me know this change I was preparing for wasn't the best decision?? Why did you have to fuck up my computer (which I depend on ) AND my car???? Fucking A... your little heads-up just cost me a fucking fortune!!!! Dear Universe, next time, EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!! Dont try to fuck up my life!!! JEEZ!!
Anyway, things are good right now, Im single, and Im actually okay with it. I would rather have someone I can hang out with, maybe have sex with, but no pressure of a relationship. Normally I would be totally relationship oriented, and would not want to just have a "fuck buddy" but ya know, it's easier right now. Let me be clear about one thing....
I AM NOT SLEEPING AROUND.
I havent had sex in a long time... but there were two guys I wanted to be with. I love them both, but sadly one just wanted to be friends even though in the beginning we were hot and heavy and flirty....then he just changed his mind one day.
The other guy, the one who I've loved for a LONG time...is 9 hours away, and we can;t really be together very often because neither one of us can afford to fly back and forth to see each other, so we stay in touch but aren't official because long distance relationships are shitty and usually fail because of the loneliness involved.
So maybe right now, I dont need a relationship. I think Im FINALLY okay with being single. Thank god, i hate that lonely feeling. Im good.
What else can I blog about....
My job is going well....I hope to become perminant soon and no longer be a temp, i would get paid more, and get benfits, as well as added job security. Cross your fingers.
hmmmm what else..... Im kinda back on my kick about wanting a Volkswagen Jetta. Although for about 5 grand more, I could get a Volkswagen Tiguan...cuz they are SUPER cute.
Anyway thats all I have in my head at the moment.
Happy Holidays!!!!!!!
Anyway, I always loved the holidays, the spirit of it, the joy, the happiness.... I however do NOT like the shopping, the crowded frustrating malls and stores, and the bullshit that people throw around in the name of "giving" I damn near snatched one bitch bald-headed because after I stood in line for about 30 minutes to buy two gift cards at Forever21, this middle aged stuck up yuppy snobby bitch just walks in front of my when I get to the register and starts bitching at the cashier
Old Cow: "Um, my daughter left her jacket in the fitting room, and the fitting room person told us it was up here in the lost and found...can you check quickly? I have a lot to do today."
Me: "Uh, no...we ALL have a lot to do, what the hell makes you think your time is more important than mine or anyone elses in this LONG line you just walked right past? You need to take yourself to the back of the line and wait like everyone else."
Old Cow: "Excuse me? Was I talking to you? No, I wasn't."
Me: "There IS no excuse for you, and no you weren't talking to me, but you DID cut right in front of me in this line, and that's not okay, and NOW you're giving me attitude?? Bitch don't make me have to repeat myself!" *I point to the back of the line*
Old Cow: *puts her hand up as if to say 'talk to the hand' and turns to the cashier*
"Well?? Is it here or not?"
Cashier: "No ma'am Im sorry I dont see it here."
Old Bitchy Cow: "WHAT? Well are you gonna replace it? If someone stole it from this store then this store needs to replace it! They said it was up here, now you need to find it!"
Me: "You rude fucking bitch! The only thing this sweet and polite cashier NEEDS to do, is ring up the purchases of all the people who waited in line! Who the fuck do you think you are that you can come up in here and act crazy? You better get your hand down out of my face bitch or Im gonna slap the hell outta you!"
Old Cow: "Ya know what? I have had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU."
Me: "DO SOMETHING. I wish you would, bitch. Give me a reason to punch you in the mouth. Secondly, it's not the store's fault that your stupid ass daughter can't be responsible enough to remember to grab her belongings when she leaves a fitting room. That's HER fault, not the store's fault. You need to yell at YOUR KID. And another thing, you better get your stupid ass kid and get to the back of the fucking line before I MOVE YOU to the back of the line, Im not having this, you can't fuckin talk to people like this and treat people like they are beneath you because eventually you're gonna come across someone CRAZY like ME who will be more than willing to beat you WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE FACED SACK BELLIED OVER BOTOXED FAKE ASS BITCH. Now pick up your sagging middle aged breasts and vagina lips, and GET YOUR UGLY BITCH ASS TO THE BACK OF THE LINE THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING."
**at this point, people in line behind me are yelling at her, some are laughing at what I'm yelling at her, some are tweeting, one girl recorded what I was saying, i wouldnt be surprised if I end up on youtube...**
Old Cow: "HOW DARE YOU! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT"
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?? YOURE NOT GONNA DO SHIT, NOW BACK THE FUCK UP BEFORE I HIT YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!!"
At this point one guy is laughing and clapping, and the poor cashier is calling her manager frantically. The stupid bitch snatched up her bags and stormed off. I calmly walked to the register and said:
"I'm so sorry you had to experience that. You ok punkin?"
Cashier: "hehe yeah I guess Im okay. Wow."
Me: "yeah, THAT just happened. Anywho could you put $25 dollars on each of these gift cards for me? Thanks!"
When I walked outside, there was the stupid cow coming towards me with a security guard...
Me: "Oh this outta be good..."
Old Cow: "Him, right there, he attacked me!"
Security Guard: "Sir, come with me."
Me: "Um, no. Im not going anywhere with you, I never attacked her, I threatened to, that much is true, but never laid a hand on her."
Security Guard: "Ma'am is this true?"
Cow: "well yes but he attacked me!"
Me: "I verbally assaulted her in the store because she cut in front of 20 people to bitch at an innocent cashier about her dumb ass daughter losing her jacket. She put her hand up in my face and I lost my mind. She's LUCKY I didn't swing a mannequin over the back of her head."
Security guard: "Sir, that's not helping.... Ma'am, he didn't touch you, you told me he had...now did he or didn't he?"
Me: "actually it helped me, Im enjoying myself."
Security Guard "Sir... please."
Cow: "Well no but he was GOING to physically attack me, and I think you should do something about him."
Me: "Good thing you don't get paid for thinkin, bitch. Are we done here? The longer I have to hear the sound of her voice, the more likely I am to become violent."
Security Guard: "Sir, go about your shopping, be nice to people, and have a nice day..... Ma'am, you do the same, and wait patiently in line like all the other shoppers"
*I turned to her and very smuggly said* "BOOM."
I turned and headed for the parking garage.
This is what I hate the most about the holidays. People are SO fucking rude. Granted I couldve handled that situation with more class...but why? People need to know that their selfish and inconsiderate behavior is unacceptable!
ANYWAY, I feel weird about the holidays. I used to love it, now it makes me nervous. It sometimes can feel like all the holiday cheer is so fake and forced. I dont know, maybe Im just over it this year and its not as special as it used to be when I was younger... either way, my shopping is done, I only have one more person to buy for and I can do that after the 25th.
In other news, the universe made it VERY clear that the goals I had set for myself this month were not meant to happen.
I have been trying to find a one bedroom or studio apartment for a couple of months, and I was going to use my financial aid refund to get the apartment. Well wouldn't you know it, 3 days before my money comes in the mail, my laptop that I use for school dies...the next day, my car's maintenance light comes on telling me I need to get my oil changed and my transmission serviced....then a few hours later, the check engine light comes on, then dies in an intersection. All in all, the car costs me $1250 to fix and get serviced.
Fuck My Life
So there went my dream of having my very own apartment all by myself.
This kinda ruined me for about two days, then I switched gears. I decided t hat since I had to spend half my refund on my car, the other have should be put to good use... something that will make my future apartment hunt a little easier.
I work for a credit reporting agency. I have a VERY good understanding of credit, how it works, and most importantly, how to fix it. I decided to get my credit report from all three credit bureaus, and wanted to see exactly what is on my credit that maybe I can pay off to help improve my credit score and help improve my chances of getting approved for an apartment, or a new car (since my car just cost me a fortune to fix, I might want to be prepared to replace it, because the idea of having to make a car payment every month, AND make payments to repair shops, is NOT acceptable to me.) So I did. I contacted three of the creditors I owed money to, and paid them off. There is only one more left, which is about a grand, then Im free and clear! No more bad items on my credit report! HOORAY!!!
Im thinking that the universe didn't think I was prepared enough to live alone, so it changed my plans for me. As much as I can accept that I was not destined to get my own place this month, I am also a little pissed off at the universe. Couldn't you send me a note? Or an email or something letting me know this change I was preparing for wasn't the best decision?? Why did you have to fuck up my computer (which I depend on ) AND my car???? Fucking A... your little heads-up just cost me a fucking fortune!!!! Dear Universe, next time, EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!! Dont try to fuck up my life!!! JEEZ!!
Anyway, things are good right now, Im single, and Im actually okay with it. I would rather have someone I can hang out with, maybe have sex with, but no pressure of a relationship. Normally I would be totally relationship oriented, and would not want to just have a "fuck buddy" but ya know, it's easier right now. Let me be clear about one thing....
I AM NOT SLEEPING AROUND.
I havent had sex in a long time... but there were two guys I wanted to be with. I love them both, but sadly one just wanted to be friends even though in the beginning we were hot and heavy and flirty....then he just changed his mind one day.
The other guy, the one who I've loved for a LONG time...is 9 hours away, and we can;t really be together very often because neither one of us can afford to fly back and forth to see each other, so we stay in touch but aren't official because long distance relationships are shitty and usually fail because of the loneliness involved.
So maybe right now, I dont need a relationship. I think Im FINALLY okay with being single. Thank god, i hate that lonely feeling. Im good.
What else can I blog about....
My job is going well....I hope to become perminant soon and no longer be a temp, i would get paid more, and get benfits, as well as added job security. Cross your fingers.
hmmmm what else..... Im kinda back on my kick about wanting a Volkswagen Jetta. Although for about 5 grand more, I could get a Volkswagen Tiguan...cuz they are SUPER cute.
Anyway thats all I have in my head at the moment.
Happy Holidays!!!!!!!
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