Well, it's the holidays again and once again I am left feeling conflicted about it. I do not believe in "God" or christianity anymore. I used to but I think it was because that was all I was exposed to and therefor blindly believed. So now that I am 30 and have decided for myself that there are WAY too many contradictions and way too few facts or proof for me to believe in it. As far as Im concerned, it's a fairy tale.
Anyway, I always loved the holidays, the spirit of it, the joy, the happiness.... I however do NOT like the shopping, the crowded frustrating malls and stores, and the bullshit that people throw around in the name of "giving" I damn near snatched one bitch bald-headed because after I stood in line for about 30 minutes to buy two gift cards at Forever21, this middle aged stuck up yuppy snobby bitch just walks in front of my when I get to the register and starts bitching at the cashier
Old Cow: "Um, my daughter left her jacket in the fitting room, and the fitting room person told us it was up here in the lost and found...can you check quickly? I have a lot to do today."
Me: "Uh, no...we ALL have a lot to do, what the hell makes you think your time is more important than mine or anyone elses in this LONG line you just walked right past? You need to take yourself to the back of the line and wait like everyone else."
Old Cow: "Excuse me? Was I talking to you? No, I wasn't."
Me: "There IS no excuse for you, and no you weren't talking to me, but you DID cut right in front of me in this line, and that's not okay, and NOW you're giving me attitude?? Bitch don't make me have to repeat myself!" *I point to the back of the line*
Old Cow: *puts her hand up as if to say 'talk to the hand' and turns to the cashier*
"Well?? Is it here or not?"
Cashier: "No ma'am Im sorry I dont see it here."
Old Bitchy Cow: "WHAT? Well are you gonna replace it? If someone stole it from this store then this store needs to replace it! They said it was up here, now you need to find it!"
Me: "You rude fucking bitch! The only thing this sweet and polite cashier NEEDS to do, is ring up the purchases of all the people who waited in line! Who the fuck do you think you are that you can come up in here and act crazy? You better get your hand down out of my face bitch or Im gonna slap the hell outta you!"
Old Cow: "Ya know what? I have had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOU."
Me: "DO SOMETHING. I wish you would, bitch. Give me a reason to punch you in the mouth. Secondly, it's not the store's fault that your stupid ass daughter can't be responsible enough to remember to grab her belongings when she leaves a fitting room. That's HER fault, not the store's fault. You need to yell at YOUR KID. And another thing, you better get your stupid ass kid and get to the back of the fucking line before I MOVE YOU to the back of the line, Im not having this, you can't fuckin talk to people like this and treat people like they are beneath you because eventually you're gonna come across someone CRAZY like ME who will be more than willing to beat you WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKING WHORE FACED SACK BELLIED OVER BOTOXED FAKE ASS BITCH. Now pick up your sagging middle aged breasts and vagina lips, and GET YOUR UGLY BITCH ASS TO THE BACK OF THE LINE THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING."
**at this point, people in line behind me are yelling at her, some are laughing at what I'm yelling at her, some are tweeting, one girl recorded what I was saying, i wouldnt be surprised if I end up on youtube...**
Old Cow: "HOW DARE YOU! DON'T SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT"
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?? YOURE NOT GONNA DO SHIT, NOW BACK THE FUCK UP BEFORE I HIT YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING CUNT!!!!!"
At this point one guy is laughing and clapping, and the poor cashier is calling her manager frantically. The stupid bitch snatched up her bags and stormed off. I calmly walked to the register and said:
"I'm so sorry you had to experience that. You ok punkin?"
Cashier: "hehe yeah I guess Im okay. Wow."
Me: "yeah, THAT just happened. Anywho could you put $25 dollars on each of these gift cards for me? Thanks!"
When I walked outside, there was the stupid cow coming towards me with a security guard...
Me: "Oh this outta be good..."
Old Cow: "Him, right there, he attacked me!"
Security Guard: "Sir, come with me."
Me: "Um, no. Im not going anywhere with you, I never attacked her, I threatened to, that much is true, but never laid a hand on her."
Security Guard: "Ma'am is this true?"
Cow: "well yes but he attacked me!"
Me: "I verbally assaulted her in the store because she cut in front of 20 people to bitch at an innocent cashier about her dumb ass daughter losing her jacket. She put her hand up in my face and I lost my mind. She's LUCKY I didn't swing a mannequin over the back of her head."
Security guard: "Sir, that's not helping.... Ma'am, he didn't touch you, you told me he had...now did he or didn't he?"
Me: "actually it helped me, Im enjoying myself."
Security Guard "Sir... please."
Cow: "Well no but he was GOING to physically attack me, and I think you should do something about him."
Me: "Good thing you don't get paid for thinkin, bitch. Are we done here? The longer I have to hear the sound of her voice, the more likely I am to become violent."
Security Guard: "Sir, go about your shopping, be nice to people, and have a nice day..... Ma'am, you do the same, and wait patiently in line like all the other shoppers"
*I turned to her and very smuggly said* "BOOM."
I turned and headed for the parking garage.
This is what I hate the most about the holidays. People are SO fucking rude. Granted I couldve handled that situation with more class...but why? People need to know that their selfish and inconsiderate behavior is unacceptable!
ANYWAY, I feel weird about the holidays. I used to love it, now it makes me nervous. It sometimes can feel like all the holiday cheer is so fake and forced. I dont know, maybe Im just over it this year and its not as special as it used to be when I was younger... either way, my shopping is done, I only have one more person to buy for and I can do that after the 25th.
In other news, the universe made it VERY clear that the goals I had set for myself this month were not meant to happen.
I have been trying to find a one bedroom or studio apartment for a couple of months, and I was going to use my financial aid refund to get the apartment. Well wouldn't you know it, 3 days before my money comes in the mail, my laptop that I use for school dies...the next day, my car's maintenance light comes on telling me I need to get my oil changed and my transmission serviced....then a few hours later, the check engine light comes on, then dies in an intersection. All in all, the car costs me $1250 to fix and get serviced.
Fuck My Life
So there went my dream of having my very own apartment all by myself.
This kinda ruined me for about two days, then I switched gears. I decided t hat since I had to spend half my refund on my car, the other have should be put to good use... something that will make my future apartment hunt a little easier.
I work for a credit reporting agency. I have a VERY good understanding of credit, how it works, and most importantly, how to fix it. I decided to get my credit report from all three credit bureaus, and wanted to see exactly what is on my credit that maybe I can pay off to help improve my credit score and help improve my chances of getting approved for an apartment, or a new car (since my car just cost me a fortune to fix, I might want to be prepared to replace it, because the idea of having to make a car payment every month, AND make payments to repair shops, is NOT acceptable to me.) So I did. I contacted three of the creditors I owed money to, and paid them off. There is only one more left, which is about a grand, then Im free and clear! No more bad items on my credit report! HOORAY!!!
Im thinking that the universe didn't think I was prepared enough to live alone, so it changed my plans for me. As much as I can accept that I was not destined to get my own place this month, I am also a little pissed off at the universe. Couldn't you send me a note? Or an email or something letting me know this change I was preparing for wasn't the best decision?? Why did you have to fuck up my computer (which I depend on ) AND my car???? Fucking A... your little heads-up just cost me a fucking fortune!!!! Dear Universe, next time, EMAIL ME!!!!!!!!! Dont try to fuck up my life!!! JEEZ!!
Anyway, things are good right now, Im single, and Im actually okay with it. I would rather have someone I can hang out with, maybe have sex with, but no pressure of a relationship. Normally I would be totally relationship oriented, and would not want to just have a "fuck buddy" but ya know, it's easier right now. Let me be clear about one thing....
I AM NOT SLEEPING AROUND.
I havent had sex in a long time... but there were two guys I wanted to be with. I love them both, but sadly one just wanted to be friends even though in the beginning we were hot and heavy and flirty....then he just changed his mind one day.
The other guy, the one who I've loved for a LONG time...is 9 hours away, and we can;t really be together very often because neither one of us can afford to fly back and forth to see each other, so we stay in touch but aren't official because long distance relationships are shitty and usually fail because of the loneliness involved.
So maybe right now, I dont need a relationship. I think Im FINALLY okay with being single. Thank god, i hate that lonely feeling. Im good.
What else can I blog about....
My job is going well....I hope to become perminant soon and no longer be a temp, i would get paid more, and get benfits, as well as added job security. Cross your fingers.
hmmmm what else..... Im kinda back on my kick about wanting a Volkswagen Jetta. Although for about 5 grand more, I could get a Volkswagen Tiguan...cuz they are SUPER cute.
Anyway thats all I have in my head at the moment.
Happy Holidays!!!!!!!
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