It's been a while

I haven't blogged since 2012...or maybe it was 2011....whatever, Im back. I don't know for how long, and I don't know if Im going to keep this going, but here goes: What's happened....well I've survived Cancer, Hidradenitis Suppurativa has ruined my professional life and has left me pursuing social security because I am unable to work full time and support myself. I had to file bankruptcy, which means I had to give up my car, my credit cards, and also as a result, my house in San Diego. In the summer of 2012 I had to suck it up, and move back to Camarillo. Something I REALLY did not want to do. Yes I was happy to spend more time with my old friends and my mom and grandma, but damn it, I did not want to return to this place. Its a beautiful place, mostly quiet, safe, but I grew up here and just wanted to leave and not have to come back unless I was visiting. I moved back in with my mother and grandmother.... lived there for a year, then moved in with an old friend/my prom date Meredith. Sadly the past 9 months haven't been ideal.... she is an alcoholic, and not a pleasant one. She goes on benders for days, sometimes up to a week...about once a month. She is now thankfully preparing to enter rehab, which makes me very happy.... until her parents informed me that they can get more money for the house we live in if I move out, so they asked me to leave. Hurray. 20 years of being part of their family, protecting their daughter, picking up after her drunken messes, watching their grandchild while she was drunk until they could come get him.... gratitude? Not exactly. ANYWAY, thankfully my good friend Travis and his brother Nathan were looking to get a place, and we found a 3 bedroom in ventura and just got approved so no homelessness for me! woo. I did however successfully sue a harassing credit card company which allowed me to purchase a very reliable, nice, yet older car....a 99 Honda Accord...or as I call it, the Chola Honda....the Honda that every mexican girl either had, has, or had a sister/cousin/mom/abuella who had this same car. LOL It's been great. Then in July 2013, my dearest friend Jill passed away at age 34 of heart failure. There is no other way to say this: Jill's death broke me. I am still broken. I dont feel like myself. It has forever changed me. Life is too short to stress over stupid shit and people who dont make you happy. I have given up on love. After wasting 18 years of my life on trying to find the one.... im over it. I've decided that until I move out of california, I will not date unless I fall madly in love. I doubt that will happen as the last few guys I've loved broke my heart....in fact, every guy I've loved has broken my heart, Carlos, Mike, Sergi, Joe..... though not bad people (carlos being the exception, he's awful. once a cheater always a cheater) they were good guys, but the bottom line was that I loved them, and they either didn't want to be with me, chose to be with someone else, or were.... lets just say less than supportive. One of them, when I told them about my cancer results said "it's always something with you, I guess this means you cant afford to visit me" To his credit he did call me the next day and apologize for his insensitive comment, but between his jealousy, the distance between us, and his insensitivity, the damage was done. The truly sad part was he (and Im not naming him)was the one I thought really had a future ahead of us. I was wrong. he was too young, I wasn't... enough. I seem to never be enough. I always get "youre a great guy BUT...." "you're a hot ginger bear, BUT" Im never the one who gets chosen to be the boyfriend. Im always the friend, or the friend with benefits... Im just plain not good enough....and ya know what? its true. With my ailments, shitty deconstructed life, im not enough, and I wont ever BE enough. At least not until My life somehow manages to be semi normal again. Joe was the best. We were perfect for each other. Same age, both with career issues but insanely ambitious, he is perfect. Great ass, mesmerizing blue eyes, incredible smile, hung like a horse, and the best cuddler I'd ever met.... the only reason we split was because I had to move away from San Diego....he is now with some controlling 50 something man who he doesn't even love but is still staying with for some strange reason. I've told him I still feel for him...and he is still very attracted to me but is telling me he doesnt want to leave his old boyfriend yet, and is finding himself attracted to women....so the greatest guy I've ever dated....wants a woman now. That was just fabulous for my confidence. After all of this, some heavy reflection, and losing my dear friend at such a young age.... I realized that I've wasted enough time on men. It's not really in my nature to be a man whore like all the other gay men in the world, so I have resigned myself to being alone. I gave up on men. I have had a few come along and wanted to date me but unfortunately, I wasn't attracted to them. I went on a little movie date with one of them...just to see how I would feel about it, we ended up naked and I immediately regretted it, and didn't want to go further. thankfully he was gracious and understood. He is a very good guy, I wish I could've been attracted to him. The hot firemen next store has annoying fucking dogs who bark from 1am -4am. I want to kill them. **side note** anyway that's my life in a nut shell. EPIC. FAIL. AT. LIFE. I'm still working on my psych degree....these schools are annoying as fuck. The state of california is a joke...disability is ridiculous, that department is run by a bunch of tards. I think thats all I can manage to write at the moment. I dont know if Im going to do this again....I havent decided. we will see. OH P.S. I like marijuana. Andru

What would you do?

If you have tried over and over to contact someone who you used to live with...and they never respond... you would give up right? That's what I did. Even though she bounced rent checks, caused me hundreds of dollars in returned check fees, overdraft fees and late charges on utilities, from her irresponsible bill paying habits... I tried to stay friends. I moved out, I told her I couldn't handle living in a situation where the other person I depend on to pay bills isn't keeping up, so I moved out, and got a place by myself (best decision ever btw) EVEN THOUGH SHE LEFT ME WITH A 130 DOLLAR WATER BILL TO PAY.... I tried to be nice, stay friends, keep in touch....for 5 months now... and nothing. No response, no nothing. So I gave her the boot. I deleted her from facebook, stopped all contact. Was that wrong? I mean, I think I did everything I could to maintain a friendship... I guess she didn't care. Which is an absolute shame, we were so close. We moved to San Diego together!! We took a HUGE leap of faith together in changing our lives drastically...and we were there for each other throughout it all. I guess that means nothing. Shame.

Oh well.

VIVA LA MUSICA

This is whats currently bringing me musical Joy:


(long list since I havent posted in a while)


Vanessa Carlton: Carousel
I Don't Wanna Be a Bride
Dear California
Where The Streets Have No Name <---bitchin' cover

Michelle Branch: Loud Music

Joe Jonas (who grew up to be SO FUCKING HOT): See No More

Pitbull: Give Me Everything

David Guetta: Night of Your Life (w/ Jennifer Hudson)
Without you (w/ Usher)
Last Dance (w/ Christina Aguilera) <----- killer beat to listen to in the car

Beyonce - Best Thing I Never Had
I Was Here

Ashley Tisdale - Crank It Up

Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie Part 2 (Piano version) <--- so good
We Found Love (Feat. Calvin Harris)
Cheers (I'll drink to that)

Britney Spears......(nuff said. Loves me some BritBrit)
He About to Lose Me
Selfish

Selena Gomez - A Year Without Rain

Demi Lovato - Skyscraper

Neko Case - I Wish I Was The Moon Tonight

Jojo - Disaster

Angus and Julie Stone - For You

Kelly Clarkson - Mr. Know It All

Charice - Louder

Shontelle - Say Hello to Goodbye

Robyn - Call Your Girlfriend

Sara Bareilles - King of Anything
Gravity

Shannon Curtis - Before the Sun

Glee Cast - Unpretty/I Feel Pretty

Adele - Turning Tables
Someone Like You

Fefe Dobson - Can't Breathe

Catie Curtis - Wise to the Ways

Kris Delmhorst - Yellow Brick Road

Christina Aguilera - Bound to You

He is We - Blame it on the Rain(Acoustic)



START DOWNLOADIN!!!! And let me know what you think??? I would love to get feedback from people about my blog. Im thinking I might start some gossip blogging too...havent decided, it feels a little played out...

Fall begins

What up bitches?

I am sitting at work on this beautiful, overcast, rainy day and am in such a fantastic mood. Sure my job sometimes makes me wish stupidity and ignorance could be painful, but whatever. This weather always puts me in a good mood. Some people are sun children, they thrive in the warm sunlight...I am not that person. I LOVE COLD OVERCAST WEATHER AND GRAY SKIES. I'm sure this is what is responsible for my pleasant demeanor. Either way Im good.

Here is an update, then its on to my ranting.

I met a douche named Joe Castillo. A transplant from Chicago (who needs to go back) and he was very interesting a nice at first, then he became an arrogant selfish control freak, with a ghetto, petty, childish personality. When he asked why I didnt want to be with him, and I told him, he reacted like an ego-destroyed child. It was HILARIOUS. Its always so funny how one minute someone will say "youre handsome and I like you, and I really see things going well with you" and then the second you reject them, their story changes "oh well youre just a fat, ugly crack ass loser." HAHAHAHAHA ignorant people make me laugh. He is such a loser, no wonder he is single and pushin 40 yrs old. HAHAHAHA whatever he can drop dead for all I care. Seriously, I wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire.

On to more positive news, I've been talking to this ADORABLE college boy, named Justin. He is so cute you guys, seriously.

I know this seems weird to be bouncing from guy to guy.... the bottom line is that there was one guy in my mind that I thought I would be with. There was no question in my head that he and I would be together, that our love would be so strong that we would move heaven and earth to be together.... sadly that wasn't case. He kinda gave up on us. Not that this is his fault, its not his fault. We were far apart for years, and even now that we are in the same state, we're still 8-9 hours apart, and with his being a college student with no car and my being poor as dirt and not being able to see each other very often, it wore us both down. He wanted to focus on school without having the ache of missing someone he loved, and he probably wanted to find someone else to get his mind off of me. It makes me sad because I still think about him, and miss him, and care very much about him, but I don't hear from him much, and I think that is partly because he is avoiding me to make it easier to get over me. Maybe I'm being a total narcissist, I dunno...either way, all I know is that I love him, I miss him, and I wish things could have been different.

In the mean time I have been trying to casually meet people. I am not determined like I was to find love. Im pretty sure real love only exists for other people. Im thinking my lot in life is to know love, but not as a daily joy. I think i might be destined to be alone. I could be wrong. Im just kinda thinking, Im 31...and only have ONE real relationship under my belt...and he cheated on me....with someone uglier than me, with a MUCH smaller penis ( i saw pictures, I was embarrassed for him) So I dont know. Now that S is out of the picture....I kinda dont care if I find someone special anymore. I mean if I do, great...and I will love him like I've never been hurt before.... but... I dont know I just thought S was it. Probably foolish of me, he is so much younger, I mean would that ever really have worked with my being 12 years older than him? probably not. People told me "you play with 19 yr olds, you don't date them and you CERTAINLY dont fall in love with them. Learn from past mistakes...remember your ex?" But I just followed my gut, which later became my heart I was following. I loved Carlos and he betrayed me. I loved S and he chose to take a different path and leave me. Granted there were some BIG misunderstandings between S and I, I mean I casually dated someone else, he was having his fun too... but lines got crossed and he thought I was playing him...which could not have been further from the truth. I would never do that to him. But he was upset thinking I had, and I wasnt strong enough to fight harder. Maybe it would've been different if I had. I don't know. Im afraid its too late now. S is gorgeous, with a VERY sexy buff little body, and an ass like a Greek god... AND HE LIKES FAT GUYS...he wont be single for long. Some lucky san fran fatty will snatch him up. I worry though, because I know he likes big guy/bears..and I know how bears will treat a little lovely chaser like S...they will string him along, use him, toy with him... Im worried they will hurt him. I don't want him to get hurt. I just want him to know the happiness and joy that deserves. The happiness and joy he brought me.

He is a tough cookie, Im sure one way or another he will be ok, i just miss him and love him, and still want to be with him. I can accept that he doesnt want me.... and I can move on, but there will always be a piece of my heart that will forever belong to him. Lord knows its a bigger piece than my ex has. S was special. S is the "one that got away" *sigh*

Anyway I've been just meeting people, going out on dates if they ask and stuff...but nothing serious. This new one, Justin....VERY cute, about to graduate from college, is 21...yes ten years younger, but he is mature and has a good head on his shoulders. He has little to nothing to do with the gay community...which is kind of a turn on actually. Less drama that way. I don't know if we will date...but I guess anything is possible.

....................and then there's Louie. I have been holding out for Louie. He is a good friend who I think could be more but it looks like he wont be moving back to San Diego any time soon...so I guess its not meant to be yet. Oh well. I'm bummed about it cuz I think Louie and I would be unstoppable together... but if we aren't together...like in the same place... we would just be longing for each other which would make us eventually resent each other..and that's not good. At least with Louie...whether we date or not, we are friends forever. That is amazing.



OKAY ON TO THE RANT!!!!!!!!!!


I have said it before I will say it again: SCION TC DRIVERS.... YOU DO NOT DRIVE A FERRARI. GET OVER YOURSELVES. ITS A TWO DOOR FUCKING TOYOTA COROLLA PLEASE STOP THINKING YOU ARE THE SHIT. NO ONE IS IMPRESSED.

You know those awful stereotypes about female drivers? I never bought into that crap since the female drivers I grew up with were THE SHIT. My mother especially. She didnt take no one's crap on the road, she didnt do her hair or makeup behind the wheel, she didnt cause accidents and didnt do all the stupid crap people joke about women doing. My mother was and still is the BOMB DIGGITY behind the wheel...she taught me how to drive a tick shift, how to go offroading and how to control a 4 wheel drive truck, she taught me how to manuever quickly in traffic and on long trips. She is the frickin SHIZZ on the road. I never understood where these stereotypes came from......until I moved to San Diego.
Most of the bullshit, the stupid brainless inconsiderate ASSHOLE moves Ive seen or experienced on the roads of San Diego County....have been caused by female drivers. WTF. Did the girls here just get handed drivers licenses when they turned 16 with no training???? seriously.

Okay lemme ask those of you who drive on freeways frequently something. If you are in the middle lane, and no one is in front of you, nothing in your way, nothing in your lane.... why would you suddenly move to the left lane cutting me off?? WHY I ASK??? Some dumb ass woman did this morning. When I honked at her, that twat had the nerve to flip me off and tap her breaklights like I was tailgaiting her. You fucking whorebag slit, YOU CUT ME OFF ... oh hell to the no, so I went around her and cut her off them SLAMMED on the breaks....she she careened into the median and stopped in the dirt I said to myself "fuck yeah. Maybe next time you'll think twice before you cut someone off then flip them off as if THEY did something wrong."

Here is another tip for driving:

A TURN SIGNAL DOES NOT GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO MOVE WHERE YOU WANT WHEN YOU WANT. A TURN SIGNAL DOES NOT MAGICALLY FORCE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU TO MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR DUMB ASS....IT IS AN INDICATION OF WHERE YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE. ITS SIMPLY A NOTICE OF *INTENT*
JUST BECAUSE YOU USED YOUR TURN SIGNAL DOES NOT MEAN IT IS OKAY TO ALMOST HIT ME WHEN YOU BLINDLY CHANGED LANES YOU STUPID FUCK. THIS GOES FOR MEN AND WOMEN. LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE.

ALSO, IF YOU ARE IN ANY LANE WHERE THERE IS ANOTHER LANE TO YOUR RIGHT....AND EVERYONE IS GOING FASTER THAN YOU...MOVE THE F U C K O V E R T O T H E R I G H T.

I dont understand why this is such a difficult concept.... there are signs on the road that say it... "SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT" that means if there is a line of cars behind you, then you are going to mother fucking slow and need to get the hell out of people's way. You might think "oh im saving their lives by forcing them to slow down" NO. YOU ARE BEING AN INCONSIDERATE ASS BAG AND YOU ARE ANGERING PEOPLE. YOU SHOULD BE KICKED IN THE FACE.


next subject....
Do not buy a car at Carmax unless you have no other option. You will get ripped off, and you wont get your money's worth at all. They are overpriced, and liars.

for example... Carmax has a 2011 Scion XB, standard with CD player, Power locks and doors, power mirrors, cruise control, ipod interface, aux jack, wheel covers and tinted windows.... this 2011 XB has 4000 miles....and they demand $19,998 for this car....*shakes head* Dear Carmax.... you can get a 2011 Scion XB with all those same standard options, at a Scion Dealer, with NO MILES, brand new...for $17000. WITH A WARRANTY THAT IS ACTUALLY WORTH HAVING.
Why the fuck would I pay 3 grand MORE for a car with 4000 miles when I could get a brand new one, un-used....for less????? Are you stupid??? So I began to search their website,,,,

roughly 95% of their inventory is foolishly overpriced. They have a 2003....a TWO THOUSAND THREE....Honda Civic with over 100,000 miles....for 11 grand. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! it better have a new engine and new transmission for that fucking price!!!!! seriously, Carmax must be stupid. I mean truly brainless. But no...in fact they are brilliant because they know that the consumer is the real BOOB in this situation because even over priced, THEY SELL CARS. I fear for humanity sometimes, I really do.

what else.... hmmmm... OH... a lot of cars in the San Diego area have been stolen lately... this confuses me. You fucking losers, get a job and get a car like every one else, don't steal one... come on you are classless and worthless. You bring shame to yourself and your family by being a petty thief. My friend Alayna's car was just stolen this past week...and obviously the thief is not a smart person... not only because he/she steals cars instead of being a decent person and earning things... they stole a 97 Honda Accord....with almost 300,000 miles. HOW FAR DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA GET. I've driven that car...its a pile. It runs...but its not a nice car. WTF. I know honda's are popular and all but shit.

I dont know I hope its not a trend in SD for people to steal cars.

What else is on my mind..... hmmmmmmm

My right hips has been hurting lately....I think its from the driving position in the truck...but there is no changing it as it is a 21 yr old single cab nissan with the longest steering column ever... so Im kinda stuck. I'll deal. Seriously though I look like I'm crammed in. Like a raggity Andy doll crammed into Barbie's dream Jeep. Its not cute.

I dont know I think thats it. I havent done a Viva La Musica Post in a while, i think Ill do that next.

It ALWAYS gets worse before it gets better...

I hate that saying. "It always gets worse before it gets better.... " Its bullshit. It just gets worse. The people you love leave you, the things you depend on will break, the basic needs will cost you everything you have. There is no hope, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

This is my existence. My stupid fucking car needs a new transmission, I dont make enough money to fix it. I don't make enough money to live above the poverty line for fuck's sake. I am overworked, underpaid (by hundreds a month) and I am quickly slipping into a homeless existence. This is what happens when I tried to better my life....everything fell apart.

A word of advise....accept mediocrity. Don't reach for the stars, cuz unless you are lucky, you will never reach them.


Also: if you are going to reference my blog, please make sure you do it correctly. Recently, someone I love gave up on me because of something he read (incorrectly) on my blog. As much as I understand the reality of the situation, I am too tired to fight for it. My life is wasting away, why should I allow anyone else to be part of it? especially someone I care about so much???

So here is the deal: I do not deserve happiness. That has been made clear. Every time in the past 5 years that I have tried to achieve happiness, whether it be moving to a new city, meeting a new guy, being brave, being confident... the world has fallen apart around me... clearly, I am destined for lonely poverty, and crippling misery and pain. I am not meant to be happy. So why bother? Why go on living is all I have to live for is misery and pain and loneliness? The sad part is that last night, while sitting in my darkened living room watching True Blood, I heard a thump come from my back yard...my FIRST THOUGHT....was "Please let it be a burglar who will shoot me in the head." How sick is that? It was a branch falling onto my deck, btw, sadly not a murderous burglar.

It is so bad that I might have to lose a day of work, because I don't have enough gas in my car to make it to the office. I work 25 miles from home, so 50 miles round trip in a car that NOW only has 4 reliable gears, and gets shitty gas mileage. Yes people, this is my life.

Ya know what I don't understand... I don't steal identities, I don't steal money, I don't kill people, I am not a bad person, I don't sleep around, I'm not a douchebag, I don't cheat, I'm not out there picking fights, hurting people, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I EVER WIN?!?!?!?!
Why am I always losing? Why can't I catch a break? When the fuck will all this bad luck END?? Do I have to die for this to end???? I am worn down to my very soul. I have nothing left to give... everything I am, everything I stand for, everything I believe to be true...is meaningless, because what has honesty, integrity, and hard work gotten me? I'll tell you...its gotten me poverty, struggle, strife, and a shitty car. No one ever picks me. Guys always pick someone else, I'm always left single and alone. Even when they say they love me, they leave me. You can work hard and give it your best...just to be in the same place over a year later, no raise, no hope of security or insurance or money...nothing. You're fucked. Accept it.


If this is what life is all about...then I want off this ride.

America...how stupid and ignorant can you be?

Okay, rant time.

Stop blaming Obama for everything. No, he hasn't had the best presidency, but I would love to see any of you random americans do a better job. Its easy to judge when you know NOTHING about what is required of the job.

Second... referring to anything Obama does as "ghetto, hip hop, izzle, etc etc" is petty racism. You are a racist. RACIST. This is coming from a white guy...you're a racist fuck.

When Clinton's reign ended, America was out of debt, with a strong economy. Bush comes in....and the TRILLIONS that we owe....started with that dumb fuck. NOT Obama. Granted, Obama maybe hasn't fixed everything, sure... but that doesnt mean he is to blame.

I read something where some tool said "Obama and his Democrat cronies signed the obama health care bill without reading it." Really??? you were there?? You were in the room when they didn't read it??? huh. Oh you weren't?? SO SHUT THE FUCK UP you ignorant boob.

I love how when there is a republican President, the GOP and its followers will be the first to condemn anyone around them for not supporting their president, yet when Obama got elected, they talk shit. Nice. I dont see you supporting your president, now that you dont like him. Hypocrites. Fuckin hate you.

Here are some facts:

Sarah Palin is not a politician, and she is not a patriot. She LEFT HER POST AS GOVERNOR BEFORE THE END OF HER TERM... so she could be on a reality TV show, and tell a real writer what to say so she could be an "author" and tour the country talking shit about comedians, and the black guy we voted for. Yeah....talking shit about your President....very patriotic. Sarah Palin is an attention hungry fool.

Michelle Bachman: brainless idiot. gay husband. worst kind of human being. anti black, anti gay, anti logic, anti historical fact, anti humanitarian. This woman is a fucking idiot. She would be best suited to go back to being a nobody. Please assassinate her.

George Dubya Bush: "Thanks for blaming it all on the black guy!"

Fox News: You are a right wing conservatively controlled TOOL. You do not report the truth, you do not remain impartial, and you are not a real, legitimate news source. You are also all racist. Referring to the white house as the White hizzouse, and calling Obama's birthday a "hip hop bbq" just because he is black. You are all terrible people and racists!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND HERE'S ANOTHER THING AMERICA: I keep seeing things on line and in magazines saying "Obama celebrates 50th birthday WHILE AMERICA SUFFERS" omg shut. the. fuck. UP. Where was Bush when Katrina destroyed a good chunk of the south??? Which President took more vacations during his presidency that any other president in history???? uh BUSH. Obama deserves to celebrate his birthday.

As far as people getting upset because he celebrated his birthday while america suffers....bitch please. Like you've never been down on your luck, broke, depressed or whatever, and when your birthday came around, you celebrated. Jesus fucking christ shut up and die. You people will do ANYTHING to hate the black man.

Obama does not deserve to be impeached. Stop being racist. You're just mad cuz the black guy won. Plain and simple.

I saw a bumper sticker that said :

One
Big
Ass
Mistake
America

...yeah cuz Bush was a brilliant choice?


Frankly, at this point, I am ashamed to be American. Our Government is corrupt, not all of our citizens are equally respected or valued in this country, not everyone has equal legal and civil rights, having a black president brought out the worst in the republican party and showed their racist true colors, our economy is in the toilet, and instead of trying to fix it, we are busy blaming everyone else who thinks differently that we do for it.

America is a joke. And that is not Obama's fault. This started long ago.

I am ashamed to be an American. I plan to apply for Canadian Citizenship. If anyone asks, I'm going to say I am Canadian. And don't even try to tell me that Canada is all shitty cuz its socialist and universal healthcare isnt good...because I know for a fact that none of that is true. Canada has its share of problems, everyone does, but Canada has a better run government, a stronger economy, lower crime rate, a higher general pay scale, cleaner air, cleaner cities, and nicer people. They don't have to deal with the nutbags trying to turn america into a giant christian church.

There are too many closed minded, intolerant, ignorant, bigoted americans. Its disgraceful. "All Men Are Created Equal" is no longer part of this country. America is no longer America. America is a corrupt war hungry country who would rather blame the black guy, or say stupid shit like "God hates the black guy, and thats why we have a bad economy and earthquakes" than to accept his neighbor and mind their own business. No.... America is not America anymore.

I am from this moment forward....Canadian, and damn proud of it.
Viva Canada.

oh the IRRITATIONS CONTINUE...

Let me just make one thing clear:

You do not matter to people who don't care about you.

Example: If I am sitting at Starbucks, minding my own business, smoking a cigarette (in one of the few places where we are still allowed to smoke....nazi's) , Do you REALLY THINK, that I will give a fuck about you? You dont know me, so when you walk up to me and say "cigarettes are disgusting, you need to put that out, because I can smell it." did you expect me to do what you tell me to do?

No, instead you got this response today from me: "Bitch, i dont know you, I don't give a fuck about you OR your opinions. WE ARE OUTSIDE, I AM AWAY FROM THE ENTRANCE, AND THERE ARE ASHTRAYS **PROVIDED** So clearly this is an environment where smoking is allowed. If you have a problem with it, I suggest you go the fuck away. Who the fuck do you think you are to come over to a random stranger, and insult and harrass them about what they do with their life?? Who the fuck made you think you were SOOO important, that you could tell me what to do?? Lemme tell you what Im gonna do, Im gonna make sure you are rinsing my iced cafe mocha out of your cheap white lady hair weave, and dry cleaning your track suit. Because Im about to throw this all up in your face you smug, nosey dried up bitch. Go Fuck yourself."

Yeah. That happened. Why? Because you picked the WRONG ONE. MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS PEOPLE. I DONT CARE IF YOU APPROVE OF MY SMOKING, MY BEING GAY, OR MY SPEEDING ON THE FREEWAY. I DONT CARE IF YOU LIKE MY CAR, MY HAIR, MY CLOTHES, OR MY MUSIC. STOP THINKING YOU MATTER. YOU DONT. Mind your business.

And another thing, don't think you can throw words at me and expect me to just take it. oh HELL to the no. If youre gonna throw words at me, you better have a big catcher's mit, cuz Im throwing them right back at you bitch, I don't play that kinda ball....game over.


SO... aside from that random act of verbal violence, today has been a decent day.

I realize that I seem cold and bitchy. I relish in that in fact. But I am generally a jovial, pleasant person to be around. Everybody thinks so. But like most Sicilians, I have a short fuse, and will not hesitate to get medievil on your ass if you step outta line with me. That's right, Im not in the business of taking people's buuullllllshit, so if you have it, better take it somewhere else. Im not havin it.



A few other minor irritations:

Dont ask me what I was doing, then say "I saw you" If you fucking saw me, why are you asking?? EXAMPLE: "hey did you talk to Kelly, cuz I saw you talking to Kelly" Obviously I was talking to Kelly, if you saw me talking to Kelly, why the fuck are you going to ask me if I talked to her???? WTF is that. Stupid.

Don't tell me something like "hey check this out" then say "oh nevermind I'll show you later." FUCK OFF. Why mention it at all if youre not going to even share.

Don't say "Happy Monday" when I drag my ass into work on monday morning. There is nothing happy about mondays. No one wants to be at work, no one is happy about it, dont try to make it a better day by wishing someone happiness on a shitty day. That shit is not cute.

Just because I sit near the fax machine, does not mean I am going to fax things for you. Fuck off you lazy twat, fax it yourself.

Just because I sit near the fax machine does not mean I want all the empty blank pages that come through LEFT ON MY DESK. WTF do I have some shortage of plain white paper??? twats.

Just because I sit near the fax machine does not mean my trashcan , is yours to use whenever you feel like it.

Just because my car is 16 yrs old doesn't mean I will be okay with you bumping into it, or hitting it with your door. Motherfucker, it doesn't belong to you, DONT TOUCH IT.

Ya know the old saying "You always hurt the ones you love the most?" This. Is. A. Lie. Thats complete bullshit. Its a mde up phrase that people who lose control when they are angry say to make you feel bad for them, for getting mad at you, and saying the ONE THING that they KNOW will hurt you the most. This person is not your friend. This person can and will hurt you every chance they get, better not to let them hurt you, by keeping them at a distance.

Inconsiderate drivers should lose their licenses for a year. It should be a law. If you are turning left at an intersection, and someone next to you is turning right, and you are blocking their view of the road they are turning on to, you and a fucking assbag. If I am in a lane on the freeway, and you move into the same lane in front of me, and force me to slow down....you are a douchegoblin and should be kicked in the face, and have your license suspended because YOU are the cause of accidents.

I never bought into the bullshit about "women drivers" Until I moved to San Diego. 9 times out of 10, when you see someone cutting people off, driving too slow in the fast lane, crossing 5 lanes in one swoop, swerving in their lane, can't maintain a steady speed, tailgating, or anything else that is stupid as hell....in San Diego CA, its a woman. I have seen some stupid things, some things on the road that when you see them happen you think....there has to be a cat or monkey or mentally disabled gorilla driving that car... NNNNNOPE its always a woman. I hate to say it....but I'm starting to understand why men say that.

I laugh at people who think they are bad asses behind the wheel. It is so funny to see that white trash girl, with her limp bizket, insane clown posse, and kid rock stickers all over her Dodge Neon...tryin to act like she is hot shit with her knock off sunglasses, doing 80 on the freeway with two fingers on the wheel and a leg up on the dashboard. Bitch you are not cute. I hope you wreck that neon and get thrown thru the windshield.

Okay I have a question... when in my car, my seat is reclined back a bit because I am tall, and fat, and it is more comfortable....but when the seat is reclined so far back that scrawny 130 lbs kevin federline wannabe in his ford escort...how is that comfortable. who are you hiding from? You do not look gangster. You look stupid as hell.

White men. Stop trying to be hip hop. You look STUPID.

Bro's. okay now this is a sad situation. A lot of these "bro's" are really good looking guys who take care of their bodies (aside from the cheap beer) but the personality kills it. I admit, sometimes I see a total douchey bro...and I think...damn take off all that tap out gear, and he is fine as hell....but he isnt allowed to speak. LOL

she-bro's. Please don't reproduce....EVER. your kind will ruin this world.




Now that I think about it, i am starting to understand why the rest of the world hates the US...I mean...look what we have to offer... Jersey Shore? Rednecks? "America FUCK YEAH" and dont even get me started on the politicians....people like Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, George Dubya Bush, Rick Santorum....these fucking idiot nut jobs are who represent this country??? NO WONDER WE ARE HATED.

I will say this much regarding politics... PPEOPLE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THE FACT THAT THERE WILL NEVER BE A PERFECT PRESIDENT. THERE WILL NEVER BE A PERFECT GOVERNMENT, THERE WILL NEVER BE AN HONEST POLITICIAN. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKING WHINERS.
Here are some facts that people need to face: If you can't mention President Obama without calling him a terrorist, muslum, or refer to him with any form of black stereotype... you are a racist. FOX NEWS...is racist.

OH and to refer to the President's Birthday Party as a "Hip Hop BBQ" is RACIST. I didnt see fox news calling bush's birthday a "Bumpkin filled, Coke-fueled goool' country HO-DOWN" because Fox News is racist, right wing influenced news. I think they should be shut down.

Frankly, anyone who doesn't like Obama, if you dont have any legitimate reason for not liking him other than he is black, has an "ethnic name" ...face it...you're racist.

Just like if you don't think gays should be legally married...youre a bigot.

its pretty black and white people. stop making excuses.

I fucking hate stupid people.\



ONE LAST BITCHY STATEMENT then Im done.

I am Ashamed to be an American whenever the following things occur:

1.whenever I hear "yeehaw"
2.whenever i see a fist pump
3.whenever someone actually takes michelle bachman or sarah palin seriously.